


trying not to love you

by kenziexo



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Depressed Louis, Depression, Drug Addiction (mentioned), Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Friends With Benefits, Frotting, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mildly Dubious Consent, Oral Sex, Recreational Drug Use, Rimming, This is very AU, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unhealthy Relationships, Verbal Abuse (mentioned), Violence, alcoholism (mentioned), but they're all pretty sad and emotionally fucked up, harry has a thing for hats and stuff, it'll also be mostly bottom louis, louis does too tbh, they all smoke weed a lot
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-04-26
Updated: 2014-09-29
Packaged: 2018-01-17 04:54:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 46,398
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1374583
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kenziexo/pseuds/kenziexo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Louis is shipped off to Holmes Chapel and reconnects with his old friend Zayn, the last thing he expects is to get inducted into Zayn's tight knit group of friends, who are surprisingly willing to accept him with open arms, just the way he is. Well, except for Harry, the beautiful yet mysterious boy with curly hair and piercing green eyes, who seems dead set on staying as far away from him as possible.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I

**Author's Note:**

> hiiiiiii! so i got the idea for this fic in august of last year (2013), and that's when i started planning/writing/working on it, but ultimately i wasn't sure how i felt about it, so i decided to put it on hiatus to work on other things. but now i've given it an overhaul and put my full attention back on working on this fic, and it's finally seeing the light of day!
> 
> i need to give a big thank you to [lena](http://donacster.tumblr.com), who has been holding my hand and helping me with this fic since the very beginning, when i first came up with the idea for this back in august. i honestly couldn't have done this without you. and also a huuuuge shoutout to my beta [ellie](http://genuinelystylinson.tumblr.com/), and to [rose](http://louis2k10.tumblr.com/), who both gave me their feedback on this, thank you guys so much.
> 
> the title is from "trying not to love you" by nickelback.
> 
> i'm not affiliated with one direction in any way, shape, or form, etc etc. you know the drill.
> 
> hope you enjoy!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter warnings: recreational drug use, atrocious text speak

' _This will be good for you Louis. It’ll be good for all of us.'_ Louis’ mother’s words still echo in his subconscious, nearly causing him to audibly scoff and sneer at them in annoyance mixed with a hint of bitter amusement. 

 _Of course it’ll be good for her_ , he thinks.  _Wouldn’t want the family troublemaker to ruin the Tomlinson’s picture-perfect image now, would we?_   She could hardly wait to get rid of him as soon as he’d finished sixth form. That wasn’t the only reason they'd shipped him off, of course, but still, the timing was utterly convenient, wasn’t it?

He stares at the kitchen table in front of him, lost in his thoughts as his aunt Sarah shuffles around her kitchen. “Fancy a cuppa then, Louis? I’m sure you’re exhausted from the drive,” she says, effectively breaking him out of his daze. He looks over at her and sighs.

“Yorkshire. No cream, no sugar,” he replies tersely, not bothering to mention the fact that the drive had only been just short of two hours, not quite enough to tire him out. He isn’t two, after all. He keeps his mouth shut, though, not wanting to be rude to his aunt. It isn’t her fault he's been shipped away to live with her. He's lucky, in fact, that she was even willing to take him in at all. Sure, they've always been fairly close, and he’s spent nearly every summer there since he was eleven, with the exception of the last one, but she's still under no obligation to let him live there full time. That had been her decision entirely.

With that in mind, he gives her a small smile when she hands him his tea. “Thanks.” He tries to look grateful, but he knows it probably comes across sour on his face given his current mood. They hadn’t really talked much since he’d arrived, which had been on the account that he hadn’t really felt like talking, which thankfully his aunt completely understood. She was never the hovering type, something for which he is all too grateful.

Not that his parents are the hovering type, either. In fact, they're completely passive and indifferent when it comes to Louis, letting him do whatever the hell he wants, whenever the hell he wants. So long as he doesn’t cause a scene or draw attention to himself in a negative manner around the general public, that is. It seems like the only time he can ever get his parents’ attention is when he does something drastic or excessive.

It's quite ironic, in his eyes, that out of all of the things he’s actually done to get his parents’ attention, he ended up being sent away for the one thing he hadn’t done for their benefit. One of his sisters happened to stumble across a bag of weed in his room—which she shouldn’t have been snooping through in the first place—and his parents flipped their shit. He might've also had a tiny bit of cocaine too, but that honestly wasn't even his. He was holding it for a friend. That didn't really matter, though. What would the neighbors think if their son was to be arrested for possession? Not to mention the fact that when they’d confronted him about it, he’d been high as a kite. That definitely didn’t go over well. Then, after a proper scolding, they went right back to ignoring him.

It was purely coincidental that he'd ended up being escorted home by the police after being caught with a small amount of marijuana in his possession just two days later. It was only the tail end of an already smoked spliff, but since he had no priors and was still under the influence, they decided they would take him home instead of taking him in. It was a noble deed, in his opinion, but apparently it was the last straw for his parents. Or, well, the rather large bag of weed and pills they found in his room that night was, anyways. Not a week later, and he was on his way to Holmes Chapel.

It's laughable, honestly. If he didn't have a mouthful of tea, he would probably have let out a laugh right then and there.

Good for him, indeed.

When he’s finishes his tea, he gives his aunt a nod and a half-smile before making his way upstairs to his new room.

Well, it isn’t new, exactly. It's technically always been his, as it's the same room he’s spent multiple summers in. The same dark blue walls and furnishings, with gray accents around the room—a color scheme he’d chosen himself when he was thirteen. There's still the same desk that has been there for the past three years, along with a slightly newer chair, since he’d broken the previous one that had accompanied it. But despite the familiar surroundings, something feels different now. The blues are a little darker, the bed and room both a little smaller, his chest a little more hollow.

He sinks down onto his bed with a heavy sigh, sliding a hand down his face in defeated exasperation. Maybe his aunt is right, maybe he is tired. Or maybe he's just tired of feeling like this. He isn't so sure. All he knows in this moment, is that he really just wants to get high and forget about the entire situation. Getting high is his go-to distraction, after all.

He looks around his room, which is littered with boxes of his things that he hasn’t bothered to unpack yet in the hour or so that he’s been there. As soon as his eyes lock onto his black gym bag, a complacent feeling rises in him as he begins to make his way over to it. He unzips it quickly, digging through a plethora of socks and tattered old t-shirts until he finds what he's looking for. He pulls out a small black cloth sack, and his lips form a little smirk. This particular sack is filled with just what he needs—his favorite pipe, a lighter, and a plastic bag full of weed. Now he only needs to find a place to smoke.

Sure, he could just go out to the garden, or do it in his room and blow the smoke out the window, but he knows that probably isn’t the best plan of action. He doesn’t want to risk getting caught on his first night here. He isn’t even sure if Sarah would care all that much if he got high, but he doesn’t want to take any chances so soon, especially since she had been nice enough to let him stay there in the first place.

He wracks his brain trying to remember all of his old hangouts from when he used to stay over the summers, with only a few coming to mind before he's hit with the most obvious answer: Zayn.

He had met Zayn during his second summer visit to Holmes Chapel, when he was just twelve, and they’d hung out a lot over the course of his summer visits. His aunt Sarah is even friends with Zayn’s mum, which had proven convenient for the two. He hasn’t talked to Zayn in months, and he actually isn’t even sure if Zayn still lives here since he'd just finished sixth form as well, but it's worth a shot, he thinks. He knows Zayn smokes, or at least used to, since the first time he’d ever gotten high had been with Zayn two summers ago. Sure, there's a chance that Zayn doesn’t even smoke anymore, but he knows he has to try. Besides, Louis has found over the years that it's always more fun to smoke with someone else rather than alone.

He puts the sack down on his desk as he pulls out his phone, scrolling through his contacts until he reaches Zayn’s name. He isn’t even sure if Zayn’s number is still the same, but he pushes his doubts aside as he types up a quick text.  **U’ll nevr guess who’s just moved 2 HC .**

It isn’t long before his phone is signalling that he’s gotten a reply back.

_No way m8! U shld cum over ASAP!_

Louis smiles at that as he types out his own reply.

**B over in 10 ?**

_Ya bro, see u then!_

Louis can practically feel the relief coursing through his veins as he grabs the sack from his desk and slides it into the right front pocket of his jeans, before slipping his phone into the left one. He looks around his room momentarily before finding the box labeled ‘Hats!!!’ and opening it. He rifles through the box for a few seconds before he's pulling out his favorite snapback. He sets it on his head, making sure it has just the right amount of tilt.

Satisfied, he makes his way out of the room and down the stairs. He finds aunt Sarah still in the kitchen, chatting on the phone with someone as she leans against the island in the middle of the room. At the sight of him looking at her expectantly, she pauses her conversation and gives him a smile. “Need something, Lou?” she asks.

“Just wanted to let you know I’m headed over to Zayn’s. Don’t wait up, yeah?”

“Alright, love. Do you remember your way? Oh, and before I forget, we’d better get you a key, hadn’t we?”

Louis nods as she starts rifling through one of the kitchen drawers, before coming up with a key and handing it to him.

“Thanks, Sarah. I think I’ll manage on my own. See you later!” He pockets the key and gives her as warm a smile as he can manage, before making his way out of the house as quickly as possible.

Being out in the fresh air with the rapidly setting sun and darkening sky is refreshing, and Louis makes his way to Zayn’s house with no major complications, and only one minor memory lapse that thankfully doesn’t cause him to become lost completely. It isn’t a far walk by any means, and even with his slight memory lapse, he makes it to his destination in just under 10 minutes.

As soon as he gets close to the familiar house, he immediately spots Zayn standing in front of it with a blonde boy he only vaguely recognizes. They're both leaning against a car that's parked in the street, seemingly in the middle of a conversation. When the two of them notice Louis walking up, they stop talking and Zayn's face lights up, before he's getting closer and giving him a handshake-hug.

“Thought you’d never make it, mate,” he teases.

“Miss me that much, did you?” Louis replies with a smirk.

“You bet your arse. Anyway, not sure if you remember him, but this is my mate Niall. He came round a few times last time you were here, I think.” Zayn gestures to the blonde, and Louis nods in realization.

“Right, right! I remember Niall. You’re the Irish one, yeah?” He acknowledges him with a friendly nod and a pat on the shoulder.

Niall gives him a nod and a smile before replying, “That’d be me! You’re Louis, right?”

“That’s my name, don’t wear it out,” Louis responds with a playful wink and a smirk.

“So what made you finally decide to make the move, Lou? Miss me that much?” Zayn pipes up.

“You wish. My parents stumbled across some MJ and shit in my room; didn’t take too kindly to it, so they've shipped me off to live with me aunt Sarah. Figured since I’ve finished sixth form now that I need to ‘do some growing up’ and ‘fly away from the coop.’ Whatever the hell that’s supposed to mean,” he explains with an eye roll and a sardonic smile.

Both of the boys nod at that, though Zayn’s expression is much more amused than Niall’s. The bastard.

“Wow. Sounds shit. At least you made it out, though. Didn’t think we’d ever see the day, to be honest,” Zayn replies, his lips turning up slightly as he gives a small shrug.

“But I’m sure you were always wishing, Zaynie,” Louis teases in response, reaching over to pinch his cheeks.

Zayn shoves his hands away as he shakes his head, but his upturned lips and bright eyes reveal his fondness. “You know me so well, Lou-Lou. Hope it’s not too soon to propose a celebratory smoke. Unless you’ve suddenly had an epiphany since your move that marijuana is bad for you and you’ve an urge to stop.” Zayn raises an eyebrow at him.

“On the contrary, I’ve actually brought some along in hopes that  _you_  still did.” Louis gestures towards his pocket with a mischievous grin.

Zayn grins back at him, before looking back and forth between Louis to Niall. “Looks like we’re ready to go then, aren’t we, lads?”

Louis and Niall both nod in unison, the three of them all grinning at each other now.

Niall wastes no time before getting in the driver’s seat of the car he’d been leaning against just a moment before, with Zayn following suit and sliding into the passenger seat while gesturing for Louis to get in the back. He does so quickly, eager to see where exactly they're going, or if perhaps they're just going to smoke right there in the car. It's been a while since he's hotboxed, and the prospect has Louis buzzing.

He watches as Niall puts the key in the ignition and starts the car, still taking in his surroundings. “Where we off to, then?” he asks curiously after they’ve pulled away from Zayn’s house and turned onto a different street.

“Our mate Liam’s place. You’ve met Liam, right? I think I took you over a few times,” Zayn replies.

So there goes his hopes for hotboxing the car. He's only a little disappointed. “Ahhh, Liam. Yeah, nice lad.” Louis nods in recognition, even though Zayn can’t see him.

The rest of the car ride is spent listening to music; the mellow, bass-thumping kind that a couple of his sisters refer to as his ‘stoner music.’ He has to agree, which only makes him love it all the more.

It doesn’t take very long to get to Liam’s place, although the change in scenery is noticeable. While Zayn and Louis don't exactly live in a bad neighbourhood, the houses in Liam’s neighbourhood are bigger and much more extravagant. When they finally pull up to what Louis can only guess is Liam’s house, he can't help but be impressed by the size of it. Louis remembers Liam’s house being a bit bigger than his aunt’s, but he doesn't remember it being this much bigger. Liam must’ve moved since he'd last visited.

When they make their way inside—without knocking, Louis notices—he's even more impressed with the house. He doesn't have much time to give it much surveying, however, before they're outside again, this time on the back patio. This is where they find Liam, sitting at the patio table with another boy who has his back to them.

Zayn and Niall don’t hesitate before taking two of the vacant chairs next to Liam and the other boy as they all make pleasantries, leaving Louis to follow suit in taking the last of the chairs.

“Li, you remember Louis, don’t you?” Zayn gestures to Louis as he looks at Liam.

Liam assesses Louis quickly, before giving him a nod and a smile. “Yeah, been a while, hasn’t it?”

“Yeah, it has,” Louis replies with a smile. As he looks around at the familiar faces, he can’t help but agree with Liam’s statement. It has been a while. They all look different now, older and more defined, but still with the same obvious features. Zayn now has a blonde streak in his otherwise black hair, making him look edgier, if possible. Liam has a bit of facial hair now, with his hair shaved on either side to form a nice looking fauxhawk type thing. Niall, on the other hand, doesn't look too much different now, except that his hair is much longer than before and is expertly styled into a perfect quiff, with his natural brown fading into light blonde at the tips. Their clothing styles have changed a bit as well, he notices.

Before he can assess the other boy properly, Zayn pipes up and introduces them. “Oh, and Louis, this is Harry. Harry, this's Louis.” He points from Louis to the other boy—whose name is apparently Harry—and back again.

Louis turns his attention on him then, finally getting a good look at him and quickly realizing that this boy is hands down one of the sexiest people he’s ever seen. He has on a thin long-sleeved dark gray v-neck jumper, with even darker jeans, and a pair of tattered brown boots. The whole look is topped off with a black beanie, which makes his green eyes pop against his light skin in contrast. He is absolutely gorgeous.

It takes him a few seconds to realize that not only is he staring, but he hasn’t said anything, so he gives Harry a wide smile and a nod. “Pleasure, I’m sure.”

His smile falters when Harry only gives him a forced half-smile and a nod back, before shifting his gaze—which had previously been just as focused on Louis as Louis’ had been on him—away from Louis to look at nothing in particular. This probably wouldn’t have bothered him as much if Harry didn't seem so annoyed now. Louis isn’t sure if it's because of him, or if he had been in a sour mood before they'd gotten there, but something about it rubs Louis the wrong way. That in itself makes Louis a little uncomfortable, since normally he couldn't give less of a shit if someone doesn't like him. If people don’t like him, they can fuck right off, but there's something about this boy that makes Louis want his approval. There's an intensity behind the boy’s green eyes that make him want to jump inside of his mind and take a look around. It's throwing him completely off-kilter.

Louis shoves the feeling down as they all begin to talk amongst themselves, and he finds that all of the boys try to include him in their conversations, making it much easier for him to fit into the dynamic of their little group. Well, all of them with the exception of Harry, who has mostly sat there looking at anyone and anything but Louis, and only speaks when directly spoken to. Louis wonders if Harry's always this quiet and mysterious.

After a while, Zayn looks over to Liam. “So Payno, d'you still have the shit I left over here the other day, or did you smoke it all like last time?”

Liam shakes his head in amusement and throws his hands up in defense. “Hey, that was all Niall’s idea!”

“Guilty as charged,” Niall chips in with a shrug, obviously trying to keep his amusement out of his expression and failing. Zayn leans over to him and gives him a playful nipple twist and a muttered "Bastard," leaving Niall with a full-blown smile now and the rest of them, even Harry, laughing at the interaction.

Harry’s smile quickly fades when he catches Louis looking at him, and Louis furrows his brows, but doesn't say anything as his own smile fades just slightly.

Liam gets up from the table then and disappears into his house, most likely to go get Zayn’s stash that he’d apparently left there. After he's out of sight, Zayn looks over to Louis with a curious expression. “Oi, you said you brought something, didn’t you?”

“I did, yeah," Louis replies with a nod, before reaching into his pocket and pulling out the small sack he’d put there earlier in the evening. He sets it on the table and reaches inside, pulling out the contents, and laying them on top of the now empty sack.

“Nice, mate. Very nice,” he comments with a pleased nod. Louis looks around to see that Niall has a similar expression, but Harry seems a mix between wary and incredulous.

“We’re seriously smoking with this guy?” he finally says, his tone sounding more incredulous than wary. Louis looks at him with a surprised expression, this being the first time Harry's actually acknowledged him out loud.

“Everything alright, Haz?” Liam asks as he walks up to them, obviously having just heard Harry's input on the situation.

"We don't even know him. He could be a nark for all we know. Just because he turns up out of the blue, you think we should just let him in just like that? If you wanted to pick up a stray, I'd go with a dog, not a person," Harry replies, his expression hard now as he looks at the rest of the boys expectantly, keeping his gaze off of Louis himself.

Louis watches the outburst in disbelief.

"I'm right here, you know," he pipes up in his own defense before anyone else can get a word in.

"Yeah, I'm aware," Harry replies with an eye roll, shooting him a glare before averting his gaze again.

Louis looks around at the other boys only to find none of them seem particularly surprised at this turn of events, though they do seem a bit taken aback, if a little uncomfortable at the display. He wonders if Harry does this often with newcomers.

"Come on now, Harry, you really think I'd bring a nark to smoke with us?" Zayn looks at Harry with a raised eyebrow. "Especially one who brings his own shit."

"We still don't know him. His shit could be laced for all we know," Harry challenges in response.

" _You_  may not know him, but  _I_  know him. I've known him for years now. Liam and Niall have met him quite a few times as well. He's cool; just trust us, mate."

Harry gives Zayn a displeased look, before shooting a cool response back at him. " _I_  don't know him." Before anyone else can get a word in edgewise, Harry shoots up out of his seat abruptly and storms into the house, leaving the rest of them speechless.

After a few seconds of tense silence between the four of them, Zayn lets out a heavy sigh. "I'll go talk to him." They all watch as Zayn goes after Harry, before the three remaining boys all look at each other, dumbfounded.

"Sorry, mate. Trust issues, you know?" Niall offers, while Liam nods his agreement and gives him a sympathetic look.

"Right," Louis responds with a nod of his own and presses his lips together. He feels sick to his stomach. He almost wishes he'd stayed home and smoked in the garden. Almost.

After a few minutes, Zayn and Harry come back outside and sit down in their previously vacated seats. Louis looks between the two of them, suddenly feeling very uncomfortable and unwelcome.

"Look, I can go if you really don't want—" Louis starts, but Harry interrupts him.

"Let's all just smoke, alright?"

Louis hesitates for a moment before giving a nod, despite still feeling a bit wary about it all. The thing that makes him the most unsettled are Harry's eyes boring into him with an intensity he's never seen, and that he can't quite place. The look isn't full of malice—in fact, it looks more curious than anything. Searching, maybe.

Before Louis can give it any more thought, Harry shifts his eyes away from him and his expression changes to one of casual indifference. Louis wonders what Zayn had said to him. Whatever it was, it obviously had some sort of effect.

Louis tears his attention away from Harry then to find that Zayn's already grabbed Louis' pipe and has it packed full and ready. This causes him to relax a little, the tension in his body easing just slightly as he watches Zayn take his first hit.

After one more, Zayn finally passes it to Louis, who takes it as calmly as he can without seeming too eager, though he aches for the release it provides. He takes two hits, and feels tempted to take one more, but ultimately passes it off to Liam instead.

Fifteen minutes later, they've all had their fair share and the previous tension is gone, most likely due to the fact that they're all too buzzed to care at this point. Harry's even taken to looking at Louis from time to time, though as soon as Louis or anyone else takes notice, he's quick to glance away. Louis thinks it's an interesting turn of events, but he doesn't say anything.

The rest of the night goes by smoothly, with the five of them all just sitting there talking and fucking around and laughing at nothing, and despite the fact that Harry apparently refuses to directly interact with him, Louis still feels oddly at ease with the other boys. By the end of the night, he finds himself incredibly glad he'd made the decision to text Zayn. Perhaps living in Holmes Chapel won't be so bad, after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaand that's it for this chapter! let me know if you liked it so far. next chapter should be up in about a week's time. this fic will probably be anywhere between 12-15 chapters. i already have the first six chapters written, so i'll be posting chapters once a week until i have the entire fic finished, and at that point i'll probably be updating more frequently (every few days).
> 
> if you have any questions, or just wanna chat, find me on tumblr at [laddybropals](http://laddybropals.tumblr.com/), or hit me up on twitter @laddybropals
> 
> kudos/comments are always appreciated. :)


	2. II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow, this took wayyyy longer than expected to get out, i'm sorry. i've been going through some things so i haven't really had the time to focus on this, but here it is, at last!
> 
> as always, a huge thank you goes out to [lena](http://donacster.tumblr.com), who never fails to hold my hand and help me through my obsessive editing and re-writes.
> 
> chapter warnings: recreational drug use, copious amounts of hats

After the first night getting high with Zayn and the boys, Louis spends nearly every day with Zayn and at least one of the others. Most of the time they get high or drunk, but not always. Sometimes they play football and mess around, or just lounge around and talk or watch telly. They spend most of their time at either Liam's or Niall's, which is where Louis finds that Zayn usually spends most of his time away from home. It’s only Liam and his dad who live at Liam's house, but since his dad is rarely ever home due to work and traveling, it’s a popular hangout for their little group.

Harry is nowhere to be found for two days following the night they first met, with not even a single word to any of the other boys as far as Louis knows. He finally comes around on the third day, and he seems a bit surprised to see Louis still hanging around, but he doesn't cause a scene like the first day. In fact, he tries not to talk to or about Louis at all, and avoids as much direct interaction or contact with the boy as he can. Louis isn't sure what to think of it, so he tries not to. He finds he can’t really help it, though; his thoughts roaming curiously, confusedly, to the green-eyed boy more often than he’d like to admit.

The thing that confuses Louis the most is Harry's staring. When he doesn't think anyone else is watching or paying attention, he just stares at Louis, almost as if he’s studying him. Louis sometimes catches him out of the corner of his eye, or even just feels the weight of his gaze, but as soon as he turns to catch Harry in the act, he casually turns away as if it never happened. While it doesn't make Louis uncomfortable, per se, it unsettles him for reasons he can’t quite put his finger on. Or doesn’t want to delve into, more like.

He can’t even fault him, anyway, because Harry isn't the only one that's been paying special attention. Louis has also been watching Harry as well, studying him and trying to figure him out. He likes to think he’s much less obvious about it than Harry is, but it’s safe to say that subtlety isn’t exactly his strong suit either, since Harry’s caught him staring or paying a little too close attention to him quite a few times now. He’s always played it off, hoping he doesn't seem like a knob, but if Harry thinks anything of it, he doesn't say anything.

After a week, Harry finally starts speaking directly to Louis.

The first time it happens, Louis almost thinks it’s a figment of his imagination; he can’t quite believe that Harry’s actually spoken to him after getting used to his blatant avoidance.

The boys are all at Niall’s house, sitting out back in the grass, all exhausted from the impromptu football match they’d just had and passing a joint back and forth between them. Louis’ limbs are loose and he already feels the buzzing in his veins after two hits, while soaking up the summer air and the slight breeze that’s causing goosebumps to rise on his skin. Niall and Liam are off to his left chatting about something or another, but Louis isn’t paying attention, opting instead to lie on his back in the grass, staring up at the rapidly darkening sky and getting lost in his own thoughts.

When he finally zones back into the conversation, he finds Niall and Liam are having a very interesting debate about religion, philosophy and the state of the universe. Naturally.

“I’m just saying, mate, there has to be some kind of higher power at work. The universe is so vast and like, it can’t all be meaningless. We have to have some kind of purpose. Like, if you don’t believe in anything, what’s the point, you know?” Liam says, his eyes red from all of the weed he’s smoked, but determined nevertheless.

“Well, yeah, of course it’s not all meaningless, but that doesn’t mean people need to swear by a goddamn book written by a bunch of average joes who can prove whether their ‘God’ is real just about as much as the rest of us can. Don’t know why all these hypocritical cunts like to quote a bunch of bible verses at people to make it seem like they’re better than them, saying we’ll all go to hell for being fuckin’ human, and then go off and be just as flawed as the rest of us,” Niall responds, shaking his head with a fire in his eyes Louis hasn’t really seen before.

Liam sighs. “I’m not saying I agree, because you have a point, and like, the whole thing is pretty fucked up, yeah, but you can’t really blame them for wanting something to believe in, can you?”

“If people want something to believe in, why not believe in real shit? Like the earth and the universe and the fuckin’ stars; I mean look up at the sky!” Niall throws his arms up in the air, tilting his head back so he directs his next words towards the sky, his voice coming louder now. “This is real shit. Shit we can _see_  and feel, and like, why not put your energy into making the world a less fucked up place instead of creating more hate from a book and a belief system that’s fuckin’ flawed at best itself.”

They all look at Niall for a moment, awed at the intensity of his feelings since he’s usually the most relaxed and laid back of the group, keeping things light and fun and rarely ever getting this riled up and serious about things.

“He’s got a point. But still, like, who cares? About any of it?” Louis says into the silence, unable to stop the words from tumbling out of his mouth.

They all shift their gazes to Louis now, all of their eyebrows raised besides Harry’s, whose brows only furrow at the boy’s words.

“Lou—” Liam starts, but Louis cuts him off.

“No, I mean honestly. Who cares? Who gives a fuck if there’s a God, or a higher power, or any of it. Even if there is a God up there, he doesn’t give a fuck about us. The world is fucked up, people are fucked up, everything’s so fucked up. And there’s nothing you can do about any of it. No matter what you do, how much you try, everything’s still gonna be fucked up. I say just do whatever you want, because once you die, none of it will matter anyways. So who gives a fuck?” Louis shrugs, his expression nonchalant and uncaring as he shifts his gaze between the boys, who all seem a bit mystified as they look back at him.

Much to everyone’s surprise, Harry’s the one that ends up breaking the silence. “I think he’s right. Who gives a fuck?”

Though he seems to be addressing the entire group, he stares directly at Louis as he speaks, connecting their eyes and making it clear with his unmoving gaze that he’s actually speaking _to_  Louis and not just about him. Louis stares back just as intently, not breaking eye contact as another bout of silence falls around them.

After a few moments, Zayn shakes his head and huffs out a small laugh. “Well that was fucking depressing. I’m gonna go get some more weed. C’mon Li, I think I left some in your car.”

Louis finally breaks the eye contact so that he can watch Zayn and Liam get up and walk towards the back door of Niall’s house. Mostly, he just wanted to look away from Harry’s unrelenting stare, unsure of what to do with all of the open attention when he's so used to being pointedly ignored by the other boy.

When he shifts his attention back to the other two remaining boys, he sees Niall tapping away at his phone and Harry still staring at him unabashedly. Louis looks away from him quickly, feeling oddly exposed and bare under the weight of his gaze that seems to be attempting to pick him apart at the seams.

Liam and Zayn eventually come back with more weed, so they smoke more and make idle chat that is all thankfully much lighter than their previous conversation, all while Louis tries his best not to return the looks Harry keeps giving him.

A few hours later, they’re all still riding out their highs while sprawled around Niall’s living room, having migrated there after Niall suggested a FIFA tournament. Zayn is currently kicking Niall’s ass from where he’s situated on the floor between Liam’s legs, judging by Niall’s shouted curses and Liam’s laughter and encouraging commentary.

Louis isn’t quite paying attention, however, due to the fact that he’s sitting next to Harry, who had for some reason taken the seat next to Louis before anyone else could. He still hasn’t given up on his little looks and stares, which have all left Louis confused and, quite honestly, a little shaken. Harry has never sought him out like this before, or shown any active interest in him at all up until this point, and Louis can’t help the way his mind keeps whirring with thoughts of the green-eyed boy, everything drenched in a curiosity he’s tried to kill ever since Harry had started completely ignoring him. He’s not ignoring him now, though, and Louis isn’t even sure why it’s so significant, but he can feel something shifting, and he doesn’t know what to make of it all.

A few minutes later, Niall gives up his controller to Liam after a disappointing loss, and Louis chances a glance at Harry, who he finds is staring at him with an inquisitive look. Louis furrows his brows and gives him a confused half-smile, a bit surprised that he hadn’t shifted his gaze at all when Louis caught him looking. “What?” he asks, trying to keep a laugh in his voice, though he’s sure it comes off confused more than anything.

Harry just shakes his head, keeping quiet for a minute as he studies Louis thoughtfully before finally speaking. “Do you really feel that way?”

Louis furrows his brows in confusion, his mouth parting as he searches for some kind of response, while trying to convince himself that he’s not in some fever dream or alternate universe where he and Harry actually speak to each other. “Feel what way?” he finally gets out, still a bit dazed from Harry’s sudden attention mixed with the buzzing in his veins from all the weed.

“What you said earlier,” Harry clarifies, never taking his eyes off of him.

“Oh,” Louis immediately responds, the meaning of the question finally dawning on him. He chews on the inside of his bottom lip as he shifts a bit, unsure as to why Harry’s asking and still feeling a bit unsettled at all of the unexpected attention. “Um. Yeah. I do, yeah.” He wants to ask why, but he doesn’t, just gives a little shrug as he locks their eyes for just a moment.

Harry nods, seemingly satisfied with his answer, and doesn’t say anything else, just gives him one last considering look before turning away. Louis can’t tear his gaze away from him, feeling perplexed at the whole exchange, with so many questions swirling through his brain that he can’t even begin to sort through, let alone voice.

He does finally look away when Harry glances over at him, bringing Louis out of his little daze and causing him to look away quickly, not wanting to bring attention to the fact that he’d been staring openly. They don’t speak for the rest of the night, but they look at each other and connect gazes a few times, and Louis can’t help but feel like maybe they’ve actually made a bit of progress, though he’s not sure exactly what even happened, or why.

After that, it’s mostly just little comments here and there, usually in response to something Louis’ said or done, but despite the initial shock of it all, he takes it as a good sign. Harry’s even started sitting next to Louis sometimes, just like the first day at Niall’s, which always puts Louis a little on edge. Not because he’s scared or nervous, but because he finds it hard to concentrate when Harry’s so close. He can feel his presence—can physically _feel_  it next to him—and it unnerves him.

Another week passes, and Louis finds that the more time he spends with the lads, the better he feels about being in Holmes Chapel. In the days leading up to the move, he’d been full of anger and resentment towards his parents, but now he finds himself finally starting to feel better about it all. He’s almost grateful for it.

He’d had friends back in Doncaster—a few of which he still misses and keeps in contact with—but there’s something about these boys that puts Louis at ease. It’s different with them. They all understand his humor and personality, and always seem interested in the things he has to say. Even Harry has started to show interest when Louis speaks, much to Louis’ surprise. Most of the friends he’d had back home were the type of friends people make in school just because they're always there, not really because they actually have all that much in common, and somehow they just stuck. But things with the boys are different. These are the kind of friends who really get him, and actually enjoy being around him instead of just hanging around for the familiarity of it all. It’s a nice change.

Louis has learned in his time with them that Zayn and Liam are the closest out of everyone; but they don’t exactly flaunt their closeness like some would expect. He notices the looks they give each other; the way sometimes their eyes connect and there’s just something so intense and knowing about it, like they’re speaking without having to say a word. Sometimes one of them will even sneak a little one-sided look at the other when they don’t think anyone else is looking; looks that are filled with such fondness and adoration that it makes Louis wonder why they aren’t in an actual relationship already. They’re in tune with each other physically as well; while all of them are pretty touchy with each other, it’s just different for Zayn and Liam. They just seem to know when and how to move around each other, how to touch and comfort each other, and it’s like nothing Louis has ever really seen before. He can feel that the connection they have is different than the ones they have with the rest of the group. It runs deeper, somehow. More intimate.

Louis is in awe of their relationship, while at the same time being a bit envious of it. He’s never shared such a close bond with another person, and doesn’t even know what it would be like to connect with someone on that level. Sure, he’s had best mates, but he’s never shared such a deep emotional attachment to someone. The two people he’s felt closest to in his life are his best mate Stan from back home, and Zayn himself. And while they’ve both understood and accepted him in ways he’s never had from anyone else in his life, it just isn’t the kind of profound emotional connection he craves. He wants someone to know him so wholly and completely that he could just look at them and they would know exactly how he feels in that moment.

What he really wants, he realizes, is someone who will unconditionally love him in such a deep, irrevocable way that they would never leave him. He never realized how much he wants that until he'd had the chance to see it with his own eyes. Actually, he’s never really believed such a connection existed until now, having believed that kind of thing was just some myth perpetuated by the entertainment industry. It leaves him with a bittersweet ache that sits heavy in his chest; one that he’s not really sure what to do with, unsure of how to shake.

He catches Harry watching them sometimes as well, seemingly noticing the same things Louis does. Sometimes he’ll catch a certain look or touch between them, and his lips will turn up just slightly, but Louis can see sadness that creeps up in his eyes along with it. He wonders if Harry has ever had that with anyone; if maybe he had it once and lost it. Or perhaps, maybe he wants it just as badly as Louis does.

Three weeks since his arrival in Holmes Chapel, Louis finally has his first full day by himself. All of the other boys have their own stuff to do, and honestly, Louis is kind of glad for it. He would be lying if he said he hasn’t been itching for the opportunity to venture off by himself and re-explore the city he's spent so many summers in. He also wants to use it as a time to reflect on everything, and to really think about how his life has changed in the past few weeks.

After a late breakfast, he presses a kiss to Sarah’s cheek and bids her goodbye, before heading off to explore the city. He ambles down the familiar streets, letting the memories, both old and new, flood into the forefront of his mind. The town hasn’t changed much, he notices, but it still seems different now. He realizes that it’s most likely because _he’s_  different now. He’s worlds away from the young boy who used to roam these streets with a mischievous smile, hope and naivety filling his heart. Now, all that’s left is the ghost of that boy; a shell of a man who’s trying to find his way and leave his mark on a world that’s let him slip through the cracks and seemingly forgotten about him.

As the day goes on and he continues to navigate the streets on his own, he simultaneously feels a familiar weight heavy in his chest, along with a sense of lightness he’s never experienced before. It’s a bittersweet mix that is entirely new to him, but he doesn’t fight it. Instead of pushing it down and attempting to shut it out completely, he just allows himself to feel it, because really, what else is there to do?

He knows the lightness he feels is not only because of his new surroundings and the relief of the pressure to attain his parents’ attention, but also because of his new friends and his aunt Sarah. Sarah has been nothing short of wonderful to him these past few weeks, as she always is, and it’s a familiar comfort that leaves him with a warm feeling, slowly thawing the ice that has formed around his heart. The boys, even Harry, have begun to give him a similar feeling, but he tries his best not to rely on that too heavily since he’s only just started hanging around them on a regular basis. He knows all too well that things, and people, can leave his life as quickly as they came into it.

He stays out well into the day, until sunset is fast approaching. The sky continues to darken as he walks, and he has a feeling it might rain at some point in the night since the sky has been a thick gray mass for the entirety of the day. For most people it might have felt a bit foreboding, but it hadn’t bothered Louis in the slightest. He’d actually enjoyed the weather, feeling it was almost appropriate given his current state of mind.

Just as Louis is about to start heading home, his eyes catch sight of a public children’s playground just up ahead on the road he’s walking on. It seems vaguely familiar from far away, and the closer he gets to it, the more familiar it becomes. It’s the same playground he and Zayn had visited plenty of times during his summer visits, since not many children ever actually go there, making it a nice place to just sit and talk and relax. It’s also the place where they’d first gotten high together a couple of years ago. His lips turn up slightly at the memory.

The playground looks a little more worn down than he remembers, even though he can tell there are some parts that have been fixed or replaced since the last time he’s been here. He’s glad to see they’ve finally gotten a new swing set, since he and Zayn had accidentally broken a couple of the swings when they’d been messing about the last time they’d come.

The second thing he notices as his eyes move along the swings is the figure dressed in all black sitting on one of them. Not swinging, just sitting and rocking back and forth just a bit. Louis looks around at the rest of the playground, and upon realizing that they’re the only ones there, he thinks about leaving, not wanting to step on the stranger’s toes. But even though he can’t make out the stranger’s face since he’s on the opposite side of the playground, there’s something about the body language and frame itself that seems familiar somehow, and his curiosity stops him from moving away.

He begins to move closer instead, the figure not seeming to notice him, or perhaps choosing not to, as he makes his way over. After he’s closed half of the distance between them, he finally realizes why the figure had looked so familiar. He hesitates for just a second, but doesn’t stop, continuing to close the distance until he’s only a few feet away.

Harry is sitting on the swing, a cigarette perched between his lips as he stares thoughtfully at a point down the street. Looking at him and taking in the way his eyes are a bit glazed over, Louis is fairly certain he’s simply lost in his own thoughts and not actually looking at anything in particular. He stands there taking him in for a few seconds, unsure as to whether he should say something or not. He doesn’t know what’s going on inside Harry’s mind right now—or ever, for that matter—but he isn’t sure how much Harry would appreciate… whatever it is he’s doing being interrupted. Especially when Louis is the one doing the interrupting.

“Mind if I join you?” Louis speaks up finally, deciding to take the leap. He shifts his weight from one foot to the other, chewing on the inside of his lower lip as he tries to push down the nervous feelings creeping up at the thought of how Harry might react towards him. Sure, Harry has warmed to him when they’re with the group, but they’ve never actually been alone together before. For all Louis knows, he could just be making an effort for the benefit of the other boys; taking one for the team and playing nice and all that. There’s always the possibility that he could hate Louis just as much as he seemed to on the night they’d first met.

At the sound of Louis’ voice, Harry’s head whips over to look at him, finally taking note of his presence. His surprise at seeing him is evident on his face, but he quickly cloaks it with indifference. His eyes linger on Louis for a few seconds, letting the boy’s words hang heavy in the air between them before finally giving a small shrug. “If you want.”

Louis nods at his answer, but he’s still a bit hesitant, taking in the way Harry looks away from him and seemingly goes back to his thoughts without another word. Despite a nagging impulse to just leave and let Harry be, he ends up sitting down on the swing next to Harry’s anyway.

They sit like that for a long while, not swinging, just sitting in silence and swaying a bit. Louis almost expects it to be awkward, but it isn’t. They just watch as a few bolts of lightning light up the sky, while the sun continues to go down and leave the sky darker in its wake. It’s surprisingly comfortable.

“Saw you earlier today. In the square,” Harry finally breaks the silence as he blows some smoke from his lips. He’s just lit a second cigarette, his first having been discarded a while ago. He doesn’t look at Louis, doesn’t move or shift at all other than to take another drag of his cigarette, but Louis can’t help but shift his gaze to Harry and keep it there. The words hang between them, echoing in Louis’ mind and causing his mouth to part a bit, but he isn’t quite sure how to respond.

“You didn’t say anything,” is what he finally comes up with. It isn’t a question, and hadn’t been phrased as such, but there’s a question mark that hangs heavy in his mind after it, and he can’t help but wonder _why_. He won’t ask, though. He isn’t sure he wants to know the answer. He isn’t sure of much of anything when it comes to Harry, in all honesty.

Harry shrugs and answers anyways. “Seemed like you wanted to be alone.”

Louis doesn’t say anything to that. He wouldn’t have minded spending time with Harry—or seeing him at all, for that matter—though he’d never admit it out loud. Still, he’s almost glad Harry hadn’t said anything. He really had enjoyed his alone time, even if it had been a little gloomy.

After a few moments of silence, Louis finally speaks again.

“Would you have wanted to?” It’s a question that’s been lingering in the back of his mind and he isn’t sure why he asks, but once the words are out, he feels a tug of anxiety in the pit of his stomach. He’s not sure he even really wants to know the answer, but more importantly, he doesn’t want to think about why he cares in the first place. Still, he can’t help but wait apprehensively for Harry’s answer.

Harry shifts his gaze to him then, giving him a look that Louis can’t quite discern.

“Maybe,” he finally replies before shifting his gaze away again and taking a deep drag from his cigarette.

Louis only hums in response.

As the silence surrounds them once again, Louis searches his brain desperately for something to say. He has a million questions he wants to ask, but he doesn’t want to be too invasive, or talk to much and end up bothering the other boy.

“Why did you come back?” Louis finally asks after a while, keeping his voice low.

“Hmm?” Harry replies, glancing at him with raised eyebrows and a curious expression as he takes the last drag from his cigarette, before turning away to put it out on the bottom of his shoe and flicking it away, just as he’d done earlier with the first.

“The night we met. Why did you come back?”

Harry heaves a sigh at that, shifting his black beanie on his head as he lets Louis’ question hang between them. A tension-filled silence settles as Louis waits for Harry to reply, and after a couple minutes he doesn’t think he’ll get one at all, until finally, Harry looks over to him and gives his response. “I realized you weren’t what I thought.”

A few seconds pass and Louis lets the words sink in, repeating them and picking them apart as he tries to think of an adequate reply. But just as he opens his mouth to say something, Harry speaks again.

“Zayn told me you were like us.”

Louis’ brows furrow. “Like us?”

“Fucked up. Troubled.” He pauses for a second before continuing, “Something about you seemed off to me at first. You were… I don’t know. You kinda came out of nowhere and caught me off guard. So I wrote you off. I honestly didn’t really want to know either way. I don’t like new people. Don’t trust them.”

Louis’ eyebrows raise at Harry’s words. He isn’t offended at being called fucked up; hell, he knows better than anyone just how fucked up he is. He does wonder how much Zayn told Harry about him, though. Zayn knows a lot about Louis’ past, and he isn’t sure how to feel about the fact that Harry might know some of those things about him. After a few seconds of thinking it over, he finds that he isn’t really bothered by the fact that Harry might actually know things about him. He mostly just wishes that he knew more about Harry as well. He can tell Harry is a bit damaged, that much is clear by his blatant trust issues. But he wants to know more, to delve deeper. He wants to know Harry; to really, properly know him. He wonders if he ever will.

“Is that some kind of prerequisite for your friendship, then? Being a bit fucked up?” There’s a note of teasing in his tone, but the question is clear.

Harry lets out a huff of breath that’s just shy of a snort and shakes his head slightly, turning away from him a bit as he shrugs. “Fucked up people are more relatable. More real.”

Louis just nods and lets a contemplative silence fall over them.

“After the first night… what made you change your mind about me?” Louis ventures a couple minutes later, knowing he’s probably entering dangerous territory now, but unable to stop his curiosity from getting the better of him.

Harry looks back over at him, locking their eyes and staring at him pensively for a moment. “Took Zayn’s word for it at first. Then I saw it in your eyes.”

Louis’ reply comes almost instantly, their eyes still connected. “And now? Still think you can’t trust me?”

Harry’s lips turn up just slightly. “I’m open to the possibility. Maybe.”

Louis mirrors the action. He’s trying not to full-on smile, but he finds it a bit hard not to with the odd sense of reassurance that rushes through him at Harry's words. He hadn't expected to feel so relieved and hopeful, but the feeling hits him hard. Harry doesn't hate him, and that in itself feels like a victory to Louis; or at least a step in the right direction.

Just then, another bolt of lightning paints the sky white and they hear a loud rumble of thunder, effectively breaking up the moment. They both look away from each other and redirect their gazes up at the sky, as rain begins to fall down on them. It starts out slow, just a sprinkle of rain drops, but in hardly any time at all it begins pouring down on them, leaving them dripping.

"Shit," Harry mutters as he stands up from the swing, pulling his now wet hoodie closer to his body. Louis stands up as well, looking around amazed at how hard it’s raining already. It had well and truly snuck up on them.

"We should go," Louis points out, before instantly feeling stupid for stating the obvious. He looks over at Harry as he rubs his hands over his bare, wet arms, suddenly wishing he'd worn some kind of coat. Or maybe had an umbrella.

Harry hesitates for a second. "How far is yours from here?"

"About a ten minute walk. I could make it faster if I run, though."

Harry looks unsure for a moment, like he’s trying to make up his mind about something but he can't decide. Finally, he replies. "Come to mine. It's right around the corner."

"You sure?" Louis is unsure himself.

"Yeah. Come on, let's go." He nods his head away from the playground and starts walking in that direction, leading the way. Louis takes a deep breath and complies, falling into step behind him.

They walk quickly in the rain, almost running in their haste to get to a dry place, and it isn't long before Harry leads them to the porch of a house that Louis can only assume is his. He wastes no time unlocking the door as fast as he can, before leading them inside and out of the rain. He instantly takes his shoes and hoodie off—a move that seems instinctual—and leaves them by the door, before gesturing for Louis to do the same, which he does obediently.

"Mum, I'm home!" Harry shouts into the dark, seemingly empty house. The only light Louis can see from where he’s standing is coming from a small lamp in the next room over. Harry leads them into that room, but they find it empty, causing Harry to shout into the house again. "Hello? Mum?" They wait for a moment, but receive only silence in reply.

"Hmm. Must still be at work," Harry comments, though Louis thinks it sounds a bit like he’s talking to himself rather than to him, so he doesn't reply.

Harry turns to look at Louis then, but doesn’t say anything. The curls that hang out from the bottom of his beanie are now sticking to the sides of his face and his neck, but he doesn't take it off. There’s little droplets of water still hanging from his eyelashes, but Louis thinks it only makes him look that much more beautiful. He shakes those thoughts out of his head as soon as they come.

He can only imagine how ridiculous he must look with his snapback soaked and sitting on a wet, messy mop of hair. Still, neither of them make a move as they stand in the middle of the room and look at each other in silence. He can't place the emotions behind Harry's gaze, but he keeps his eyes locked on him anyways. It seems neither of them really know what to say. It was different in the park, since they were in a public place, but now they’re well and truly alone, inside of a house, with only each other for company.

Louis notices the same conflicted look from the park make its way back onto Harry's face, but it disappears almost as soon as it comes.

"Do you want to go up to my room?"

"Sure," Louis agrees, giving a nonchalant shrug as he tries to push down the nervous feeling rising up in his stomach.

Harry nods and leads the way up the stairs and down a hallway, stopping them when they reach a door with a sign that says _Harry's_  in big letters. As soon as Harry opens the door, Louis' eyes widen as he takes in the room.

The walls are painted dark gray, which complements the gray and black bedding set that covers the massive bed in the corner of the room. The room is relatively clean and everything is pretty dark, which Louis thinks completely suits him.

What really makes Louis gape, though, is the huge display of headwear that covers the entire wall opposite the bed. There are hundreds of hats on display, all separated by type: snapbacks, beanies, scarves, and even a small row of fedoras. At the very end he notices there are a few random ones, including a cardboard party hat, a sombrero, a fez, and a Santa hat.

"A fez, really?" Louis tries and fails to contain his amused smile.

"It was a joke gift from my mum. When my collection started getting big, she figured I'd want to 'add some variety,' so she got me that." He’s smiling as well, though he gives an eye roll for effect.

"Well, the collection is impressive, I have to say. I thought I had a lot of hats, but you really take the cake, mate. This is amazing."

Harry smiles at that. It’s a genuine, heart-stopping smile; one that Louis has never seen before. At least not directed at him. Louis finds that he loves the way the smile looks on Harry’s face; the way it makes his dimple pop and his eyes sparkle, and Louis feels a strange sense of satisfaction at the fact that he was the one that put it there. He kind of wishes Harry would smile at him like that all the time.

When Louis realizes he’s looking at Harry with far more affection than he really should—or even wants to, for that matter—he clears his throat and looks away. "It really is a nice place, though. I like it," he adds, hoping Harry hadn't caught the look.

If he did, he doesn’t comment on it. Instead, he simply replies, "Thanks. I like it, too, obviously." He follows it up with a smug smile, and Louis rolls his eyes playfully in response.

"Wait here," Harry says suddenly, before disappearing behind a door located on the other side of the hat display. Louis just stares after him, his eyebrows raised as he waits for him to return.

It's hardly any time at all before Harry returns, two towels clutched in his hands, which make Louis realize the door probably leads to an en suite bathroom. Harry hands him one of the towels, before beginning to dry himself. Louis can't take his eyes away as Harry finally takes off his beanie, drying off his hair before moving to his hat wall and choosing another one, slipping in on in place of the now discarded wet one. Louis is a bit entranced by the whole thing, moving the towel along his left arm distractedly as he watches. He snaps out of it when Harry looks over at him, and begins drying himself off properly, taking off his snapback and drying his hair before moving along to everything else.

When he's done, he sets his towel on top of Harry's in the laundry hamper, before looking around a bit awkwardly. Harry has already moved over to the bed and proceeds to sit down on it, leaning back on his elbows and bending his knees, his legs spreading a bit in the process as he gets into a comfortable position. He's looking at Louis with his lips slightly upturned as Louis stands in the middle of the room, looking over at Harry and suddenly feeling like maybe he doesn't belong here. Mostly due to the inappropriate thoughts he’s now entertaining as he looks at Harry sprawled out on the bed like that. He tries to redirect his thoughts to something decidedly less sexual, looking away from Harry and diverting his gaze around the room, sincerely hoping that he doesn’t look as flustered as he feels.

"You gonna sit down? My room doesn't bite, you know," Harry comments, breaking the silence between them.

Louis almost asks if _he_  does, but quickly stops himself. He definitely _cannot_  go there. Harry’s only just warmed up to him, and fucking things up now could be disastrous. Not only for them, but for the entire group. So he wipes any thoughts of biting from his mind as he clears his throat and nods, heading for the rolling chair in front of the desk that’s situated not far from the bed and sitting down in it. He sets his hat down on the desk as soon he's sat down, before immediately going to fix his fringe.

Harry follows the movement with his eyes, not taking his eyes away when Louis is finished, instead letting his eyes roam further, looking him up and down. He looks contemplative for a second, tilting his head and giving Louis the slightest hint of a crooked smile. "You wanna get fucked up?"

Louis almost chokes hearing the first four words of Harry's sentence, but he nods after a few seconds, trying to seem nonchalant. He’s actually relieved at the suggestion. In his current state, he could definitely use something in his system to take the edge off.

Harry has an amused smile playing on his lips as he gets up from his position on the bed and heads towards Louis, stopping just next to him. He bends down and starts rifling through one of the desk drawers until he apparently finds what he's looking for. When Harry closes the drawer, Louis lets out a breath he hadn't even been aware he was holding. He looks up at Harry, who is now towering next to him, before trailing his eyes down his body—and definitely _not_  checking him out—and looking down at what he’s holding in his hands. He almost laughs out loud.

"Brownies, seriously? You keep fucking _brownies_ in your desk drawers?"

Harry can’t hide his amusement either. "Can't smoke in the house, so I make a batch of these every once in a while for when I want to get fucked, but I don't wanna leave the house. Or my room, for that matter."

Louis nods, impressed. "It's brilliant, actually." As he grabs the plastic wrapped brownie from Harry's outstretched hand, he wonders why he hasn't ever thought of it himself. Probably because he can't cook for shit.

Harry moves back to sit on the bed, and they both begin unwrapping their brownies in silence. They’re bigger than typical brownies, and Louis wastes no time in taking his first bite, his eyes instantly widening in surprise. "These are actually pretty good," he comments once he's swallowed his first mouthful.

"Thanks for the vote of confidence," Harry retorts with a raised brow.

"No, I didn't mean..." He stops himself when he sees Harry's amused look and rolls his eyes at him. "You should come over and teach me how to make these sometime. I'd probably burn the house down if I tried it myself. I'm a shit cook." Louis means it jokingly at first, but once the words are out, he realizes he actually wouldn't mind Harry teaching him how to make them. Or just spending more alone time with Harry in general.

"If you want." Harry shrugs, but his expression still holds a hint of amusement.

After they've devoured their brownies, they sit in silence for a while before Harry turns on some music. They let the beat flow through them as they sit back and relax, stealing not-so-subtle glances at each other as they wait for the effects to kick in.

It’s not long before Louis feels like he’s on cloud nine. He looks over at Harry, who’s laying on his bed and humming along with the song that’s playing as he looks up at his ceiling. He briefly wonders if Harry is high as he is.

"Shit." He rubs his hands over his face, unaware he's even said anything out loud until he notices Harry looking over at him.

"Feeling good?" Harry gives him a lopsided, knowing smile, to which Louis just licks his lips and nods.

"I love this shit," Harry adds as he shifts his gaze back to the ceiling.

"Yeah," is all Louis can think to respond with, his head nodding idly along with the music.

After what feels like an hour (but is probably only about fifteen minutes), Harry looks over at Louis again. He stares at him for a minute before finally speaking up. "C'mere, I wanna show you something."

Feeling the weight of Harry's gaze fixed on him, Louis looks over at him with both brows raised, tilting his head slightly. "Hmm?"

"C'mere," Harry replies, as he begins scooting over on the bed and patting the empty space next to him.

Louis nods and shrugs before he complies and gets up, trying not to overthink it as he lays down next to Harry. There’s space between them, but Louis can’t help the way his blood pumps a little harder at the close proximity. He kind of wishes there was no space between them at all.

Harry points up at the ceiling once Louis is situated, and the older boy finally sees what Harry had been staring at before. Louis’ jaw drops as he takes it in. In the area just above Harry’s bed on the ceiling, there are swirls of blue and silver paint, with lots of stick-on glow-in-the-dark stars of all sizes carefully mixed in—some of them painted on as well and some not—to create some kind of ethereal space scene. Louis is in awe of the way it all blends together so seamlessly, giving an absolutely amazing visual. "Wow," he breathes.

"Yeah," Harry replies reverently.

"You do that?"

"Yeah, me and Zayn."

"It's sick."

"Yeah. I love it."

They lay in silence then, the music still thumping around them, but it only serves as background noise. The real music is lying in the space between them, in their companionable silence and in the words they aren't saying. They simply lie there, letting the high and the emotions accompanying it flow through them; drinking it all in, and basking in it.

After a while, the lights flicker, causing them both to jump and glance at each other. Not long after, the lights flicker again before they go out completely.

"Fuck," Louis says, but he doesn't say anything else as his eyes stay glued to the ceiling. The stars are now glowing dimly, and the silver swirls are visible as well, obviously painted with glow-in-the-dark paint. He gapes at it, tracing the lines with his eyes.

"Shit," he comments again, his words falling into the now silent room, the power outage having cut off the music as well.

"I know," Harry replies, his deep appreciation evident in his tone. Louis suddenly feels like this is Harry opening up to him a little bit, showing him a special part of himself that not many others get to see.

"Thanks," he says, looking over at Harry, although he can only make out his silhouette in the darkness.

Harry doesn't say anything for a moment. "I'm sorry," Harry finally replies, his head turning towards Louis for a second before shifting back to its previous position.

"What for?" Louis’ heart speeds up a bit.

"For being a dickhead, the night we met."

"S'alright. Got trust issues, I get it."

"You looked so good sitting there, y'know? So fucking pretty and like, undiscovered. Tempting. I didn't want to know you. Too dangerous." His voice is low, and distracted, almost. Like he’s barely aware that he’s actually talking to Louis, still present in the memory of the moment previously mentioned.

"Dangerous?" Louis asks before he can stop himself. He barely allows himself to acknowledge his attraction towards Harry normally, but hearing the boy’s words causes a shiver to run down his spine as he's assaulted by all of his repressed feelings. It probably feels a little bit _too_  good to know that it’s not all one-sided.

"For me. Get too close to the fire, and you get burned," Harry replies.

Louis nods. He understands the sentiment completely. But he’s also come to the conclusion that even if getting close to Harry means he’ll get burned, Louis will happily step into the inferno. There’s something about him; something behind his eyes that makes Louis want to know everything about him. He wants to get as close as Harry will let him, despite whatever consequences may come.

"But here we are."

"Here we are," Harry replies with a sigh. He shifts his body just a bit closer to Louis', in a move that feels like the physical manifestation of him seemingly accepting his fate.

He isn't sure how long they lie there after that, their eyes on the ceiling as they listen to the sounds of the rain falling mixed with the sounds of their own steady breathing. He has a strong urge to reach over and take Harry's hand in his, to press their bodies together, to be near him, but he doesn't give in to his longings, instead pushing them as far down as he can. He feels lucky just to be lying there with him at all, and he doesn't want to push his luck. Instead, he’s content to just lie next to him and let the minutes turn into hours until, eventually, their breathing evens out and their eyes close, both of them falling asleep to the sound of the rain pouring down on the roof above them.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and that's chapter 2! the next chapter should be up next week, if not sooner. i have it written already, but it still needs lots of editing, so we'll see. thanks for sticking with me, and let me know what you think!
> 
> if you have any questions, or just wanna chat, find me on tumblr at [laddybropals](http://laddybropals.tumblr.com), or hit me up on twitter @laddybropals
> 
> kudos/comments are always appreciated :)


	3. III

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> posting this chapter early since i took so long with the last one! hope you enjoy~
> 
> as always, a huge thank you goes out to [lena](http://donacster.tumblr.com), who never fails to hold my hand and help me through my obsessive editing and re-writes.
> 
> chapter warnings: mildly dubious consent; frotting; mentions of suicide, alcoholism, and verbal abuse

At some point during the night, Louis is jolted awake by the light above them turning on, illuminating the room and making him see yellow behind his eyelids rather than black. The sound of the music as it begins to blare through the stereo causes him to jump a bit as well, as it fills the previously silent room. He doesn't immediately recognize his surroundings, which leaves him confused and disoriented, especially given the lingering remnants of his high that he's still feeling. He looks around and takes in the room with bleary eyes, before realizing that Harry is lying next to him, facing him on the bed with an arm draped around Louis' midsection.

Louis closes his eyes and takes a few deep breaths, before turning back and looking at Harry again, almost expecting the boy's eyes to fly open at that instant and for him to pull away as if he's been burned. Instead, Harry stays exactly where he is, his breathing still even and steady. Louis sighs, before closing his eyes again and wondering what he should do next.

After a moment of pondering, he comes to the conclusion that he most likely won't be able to go back to sleep if the light is on, or with the music being so loud, so he looks over at Harry again, pursing his lips as he gently pulls Harry's arm off of him. Harry sucks in a short intake of breath, causing Louis to pause briefly and wait to see if Harry is going to wake up or not. He relaxes when Harry only shifts a bit, his arm laying next to Louis now, instead of on top of him.

Louis gets up from the bed then, and moves across the room to turn down the volume on the stereo to where he can only just hear it, deciding not to turn it off completely. Then, he makes his way over to the light switch and flips it off, leaving the room in darkness.

He pauses as he looks out into the now-dark room, and contemplates leaving. He’s not sure if Harry would appreciate waking up to him in the morning, and the thought of having to deal with that kind of awkwardness isn’t an appealing one; but there's also the possibility that he might be offended if Louis disappears in the middle of the night, after he’d just started opening up to him a bit.

Louis stands near the door for a few moments as he weighs his options, before sighing deeply and moving back towards the bed. He's acting purely on his own selfishness, he knows, but he can’t help but want to savor any time that he can get with the mystery that is Harry Styles. Besides, Harry was the one who brought him here in the first place, and he’s already fallen asleep next to him once. Harry won’t have to know he’d gotten up at all.

As he slips back onto the bed, he turns his body away from Harry, feeling it’s his best shot at getting back to sleep. After a few minutes of lying awake and listening to Harry's steady breathing and the music humming low into the room around them, he drifts back to sleep, with thoughts of the boy lying next to him still swirling hazily in the back of his mind.

The next time Louis breaks into consciousness, he feels a body pressed against his back and an arm wrapped around his midsection, keeping him in place. He stiffens for a second, realizing that Harry’s cuddled up to him yet again in his sleep. He wants to panic, since he has a feeling that Harry won't be all too pleased if he wakes up this way, but at the same time, the feeling of Harry's body pressed against his in such an intimate way feels nice. Too nice, maybe. It causes a tingling sensation to spark on his skin and down his spine, as well as a burning ball of desire in the pit of his stomach.

Instead of getting up, like he knows he probably should, he leans into Harry's embrace, shifting his body back against Harry's ever so slightly. He keeps his eyes closed, focusing on the warm breaths on the back of his neck, and imagines all of this happening under different circumstances. In a different life, where Louis has someone. Where Louis has Harry, maybe. And where Harry wants Louis, too.

He sighs wistfully.

He doesn’t know how long he lies there in Harry's arms, indulging himself with thoughts of what he knows will never happen, but as the minutes tick by, he feels himself fall into a state somewhere between asleep and awake.

They stay that way for a while, until Louis feels Harry shifting into him, pressing his body even closer and causing Louis to blink himself awake dazedly. Harry sighs then, his breath hitting the back of Louis' neck and causing a shiver to run down the older boy’s spine. Before he even realizes what he’s doing, his hips are moving back, causing his backside to rub against Harry's front.

Louis can hear Harry's intake of breath, which is quickly echoed with one of his own as he feels Harry push himself against him. He can feel Harry already half-hard against him, and he bites down on his lip at the thought that he might’ve done that to him. He wonders briefly if Harry is awake or not; if he’s doing this on purpose or if perhaps his subconscious is incorporating this into a dream. He’s not sure which would be less scary for him, if he’s being honest. The thought of Harry wanting him is equal parts thrilling and terrifying, but the thought that he could be doing this just because Louis is a warm body while thinking about someone else causes a pang in Louis' gut, and he feels a bit prickly just thinking about it.

Harry pushes himself against him again, this time grinding into him, and Louis can feel him growing harder against him now. Louis can't help but push back, his eyes closing as he feels Harry grinding his hips in return. He can feel his heart rate speeding up and his breathing growing uneven, as his own hard length begins straining against his pants from the friction.

Louis pauses when Harry stops his motions for a moment, causing his blood to pound harder through his veins in anticipation of Harry's next move. After a few seconds, he hears a low hum emitting from Harry's throat and then the feeling of the boy’s arms tightening around him. Louis lets out a breath he wasn't aware he’d been holding.

Harry starts moving against him again, causing Louis to grind back into it. He shivers when he feels Harry's fingertips brush against the strip of bare skin that’s exposed due to his shirt riding up just slightly. He craves his touch lower, but he doesn't dare say or do anything for fear of ruining the moment.

As they move against each other—slowly, torturously—he can feel Harry's ragged breathing caressing the skin on the back of his neck. He’s sure that Harry has to be either fully awake or half-awake by now, but the possibility that he could potentially be stuck in a very vivid dream is also present at the back of his mind. He tries not to dwell on that particular thought, wants to keep feeling wanted for just a little bit longer.

"Louis," Harry breathes out then; it’s not quite a moan, but almost. Louis has to suppress a moan of his own, feeling a surge of desire rushing through his entire body. Whatever is going on with Harry at the moment, awake or dreaming, he’s thinking of Louis, and that in itself sets off a buzzing deep in his veins, makes him flush with warmth and the feeling of being wanted, even if it's just for this.

Louis pushes his hips back against Harry with more pressure then, grinding his ass into him slow and hard. Harry responds with a low groan, pushing his hips forward and moving his hand to Louis' hip, gripping it firmly and keeping him in place.

They continue like that for a few minutes, just slow grinding against each other, and with Harry making little noises of approval every once in a while into the small space between his lips and Louis' neck.

Then, Harry starts moving faster against him, with Louis quickly following his lead. The sounds of the fabric of their clothing rubbing together is louder now, as well as the chorus of their labored breathing filling up the air and mixing with the sounds of the music still coming low from the speakers. Their movements feel frenzied at this point, and Louis has an idea that Harry might be close.

He knows that there’s only one way to find out, so he continues to move against him, grinding harder now, wanting to push Harry off of the edge. If they’re crossing a line here, if Harry ends up regretting it or not wanting to speak to him again, he wants to at least do this. He wants to make Harry come for him at least this once.

Harry grips Louis' hip impossibly tighter now, guiding the movements of Louis’ hips back into his as he rubs off against him with renewed fervor. He’s practically panting into Louis’ neck now, and Louis can hear his own harsh breathing echoing in the air around them as well. They’re practically fucking with their clothes on now, and the realization causes Louis to bite down on his bottom lip in concentration and pleasure, anticipating the climax he knows is swiftly approaching on Harry's part.

Finally, Harry lets out a long, deep groan and pushes himself hard against him, grinding in small circles as he shudders through it, before eventually stilling and relaxing into the bed, his hand loosening on Louis' hip. Louis feels a smug sense of satisfaction course through him, though that subsides a bit when he quickly realizes he’s still aching for Harry's touch; throbbing, even.

A more stark realization hits him then, while Harry’s no doubt simmering in the afterglow of his orgasm: He’s laying in Harry's bed. With Harry. After just having made him come via fully-clothed grinding. _Oh, god._  Louis can hardly believe everything that’s just happened, what he _let_ happen. It had felt almost surreal as it was happening, but the _realness_  of what they’ve just done is now hitting him like a freight train.

Harry has to know that Louis wants him now, on some level. And Louis was probably just a warm body to him. He'd said his name, yeah, but that doesn't mean anything; definitely doesn't mean he wants him back, on any level. They're barely friends, after all. He starts to panic, wondering what to do next, but most of all, dreading what Harry will do next. Surely he won't want to talk about it. He’ll probably throw him out. No, he’ll definitely throw him out. That thought seizes him, and he can't believe he let this happen. He can already feel the embarrassment from the rejection he knows is sure to come, and he feels his panic rising. This just fucked everything up, he’s sure.

He sits up suddenly, pushing himself to the edge of the bed. He scrambles to find his hat, that's still laying on the desk where he'd left it, and is quick to put it on his head once he's got it. "I should go," he mumbles, unsure if Harry can even hear him, but he doesn’t wait for a response; he just gets up and dashes out of the room before Harry can get a word in edgewise. He wants to save Harry the trouble, and himself the embarrassment, by leaving before he can be asked to leave.

He rushes down the stairs until he reaches the too still ground floor, and hurries to shove his shoes onto his feet before exiting the house. As he closes the door behind him, he only hopes that he didn't just fuck everything up for good.

It’s only sprinkling as he makes his way home, and he walks quickly the whole way there, while trying desperately to push down the feeling of dread he feels at having to face Harry again.

Once he’s home, he doesn't bother to announce his presence, just heads straight up to the bathroom and strips off his clothes to have a shower. He sets the water to the hottest setting he can handle, and allows the water to rush over him as he moves his hand down to his cock. He works his hand over himself quickly and desperately until he comes with a stifled cry. It’s probably the most miserable orgasm he’s ever had.

When he’s done, he sinks down against the wall and lets out a shaky breath. The knowledge that he’s probably fucked it all up causes his hands to shake a bit. He can’t shake the thought out of his head, can’t stand knowing that he’s made a mess of things. Like he always does.

He stays holed up in the house for the rest of the day. He spends most of the time locked in his room, and when he does leave, he hardly speaks, choosing to ignore the worried looks Sarah sends him.

While he knows Zayn wouldn't ditch him just for this, he still has a fear that the group won't want to hang around him anymore after this morning's events. If Harry hates him now or doesn't want to be around him, what other option do they have? They’ll have to choose, won't they? And why would they choose Louis over Harry, who’s been their friend for so much longer?

Deep down, Louis knows he’s being a bit ridiculous, and that the guys probably wouldn’t actually choose between them. He knows the worst case scenario is probably the boys all just rotating between them, dividing their time between hanging around with Harry and Louis. But he can't help the panicked thoughts that swirl around his head and cloud the rational part of his mind. He’s expendable. Easily forgotten. He knows it’s just a matter of time before they all dump him and forget about him, move on to someone else and leave him by himself.

The most torturous thought that comes to him throughout the day is the memory of Harry's low, raspy voice in his ear, practically moaning his name. It replays in his head over and over again, like a broken record meant to drive him insane.

Louis can't help but keep moving his hand to the back of his neck, rubbing at the skin there as if he can still feel the ghost of Harry's breath against it. The memories of that morning are burned into his brain, etched with such precision that he feels like he’s still there, reliving it all over again. It’s going to drive him mad, he’s sure.

A while after dinner—which Louis had taken to his room despite the look Sarah'd given him—he hears a knock on his bedroom door. He figures it’s just Sarah coming to collect his dishes, so he calls out, "S'open."

When the door opens, he doesn't bother to look over from where he’s lying on his bed. "Dishes are on the desk."

"What, you want me to be your bloody maid now?" a masculine voice that’s undoubtedly _not_  Sarah's replies.

Louis looks over to see Zayn standing in the entryway to his room, quickly shutting the door behind him as he looks over at Louis with a smile. He notices it doesn't reach his eyes and he instantly feels uneasy. He doesn't waste any time as he sits up.

"Sorry, mate. Thought you were my aunt." He normally would've made a joke, but he honestly isn't in the mood. Zayn doesn't really seem to be in the mood either.

"S'alright. Mind if I stay for a while?"

"If you want." Louis shrugs, but he can tell something is wrong. He panics for a second, thinking it has something to do with what happened with Harry, but then he takes another look at Zayn and he doesn’t have to ask to know what it is.

"Dad back on the drink again?"

Zayn averts his gaze and nods. Louis nods back in understanding.

When Louis first met Zayn years ago, things at home were fine. His parents got along well, and there were rarely ever any really bad problems at home. They were a seemingly normal family. A couple years later, though, Zayn's uncle—who was also Zayn's dad's best mate—committed suicide. Louis remembers staying on the phone with Zayn for hours as he cried, trying to calm him down and console him the best he could from where he was. It affected the whole family pretty heavily, but it was obvious that it hit Zayn's dad the hardest.

It happened not long before Louis had come for the summer, and he can vividly recall the day he saw them all for the first time since it happened. The difference was clear. He doesn’t think any of them have really been the same ever since. Zayn’s dad was the worst of all, though. He began drinking a lot, sometimes staying out at pubs until the early hours of the morning, and taking out his pain and grief on the entire family.

Louis remembers going over for a sleepover at Zayn’s that ended with his father stumbling home drunk and waking up the whole house by yelling and smashing dishes. He’d never been through something like that, and he can still remember how terrified he’d been. What was more distressing was the way Zayn had started shaking, curling into a ball and covering his ears as he tried to block it all out.

It wasn't long after that that he wasn’t allowed to sleep over anymore. Louis had asked Zayn about it, asked if things ever escalated, but Zayn assured him that his father never abused them physically; though he admitted that sometimes the things he would say to them were almost worse in a way.

After that, when Louis came to visit, Zayn spent a lot more time with Louis because of it, and the last summer when Louis couldn't make it to Holmes Chapel because Sarah was going on a summer cruise, Zayn came to stay with him in Doncaster instead, just to get away from it all for a while.

Zayn didn't talk about it much, except for when things got really bad and he'd come cry on Louis' shoulder, or if he got too drunk himself and let his emotions get the best of him, slurring out a drunken, heartbroken rant. He doesn't like to drink often, though; prefers weed over alcohol any day, for obvious reasons. But even on normal, sober days, Louis can see how much the situation affects him.

Even now, Louis can see the tear stains on Zayn's cheeks, the subtle downturn of his lips, and the sadness in his eyes. Louis' heart aches for him.

Louis scoots over on the bed and gestures to the space next to him, which Zayn wastes no time in occupying. Louis opens his arms to him, like he's done so many times before, and Zayn cuddles up to him, resting his head on his shoulder. Louis rests his cheek against the top of Zayn's head and just holds him, feeling a knot in the back of his throat as he feels Zayn's body shaking against his own, and a wetness seeping into his shirt that's undoubtedly being caused by Zayn's now steadily falling tears. He hates seeing Zayn hurting like this.

They lie like that for a long time, with Zayn letting his pain and emotions out through his tear ducts, and Louis just holding him and occasionally murmuring comforting words against the top of Zayn's head. Eventually, Zayn's breathing evens out, no longer shaky and ragged, the wetness from his tears drying on Louis' shirt, and he's no longer clutching onto the fabric like it's the only thing keeping him from having a full mental break.

"Wanna go for a walk?" Louis finally says, breaking the silence in the room.

Zayn just nods at that, and they slowly get out of the bed and right themselves before heading out of Louis' room, and then out of the house.

"You look like shit, by the way," Zayn points out in a slightly croaky voice once they've stepped out of the front door and have begun making their way away from the house.

"Says you," Louis scoffs, raising an eyebrow at him before giving him a small teasing smile, which is mirrored back to him. He's glad to see Zayn smiling, even if it is just a small one.

As they walk, they settle into a comfortable conversation, mostly just reminiscing about stupid things they used to do when they were younger, and all of the trouble they inevitably found themselves in as a result. They don't speak about what happened back at Louis'. They don't need to.

The more he talks with Zayn, the more Louis feels he can almost block out the memories of what happened that morning. Almost. They still linger in the corners of his mind, taunting him and begging for attention, but he blocks them out and pushes them away as best he can. Which is made infinitely easier with the distraction Zayn provides. He loves that he and Zayn have that kind of friendship. No matter what’s going on with them, they can push through it and distract each other until they come out on the other side feeling a bit better than they had before.

Louis’ actually been so distracted in his conversation with Zayn that he doesn't even realize that they’re heading along the same route he’d just made his way back from that morning. The realization only hits him when they reach the children's playground he’d been to with Harry the day before. The same place that set a specific turn of events into motion.

"Remember this place?" Zayn looks from the playground to Louis with a fond smile, no doubt remembering all of their good memories there. Louis almost wishes those were the only memories he has that have taken place there.

"Yeah. Came here the first time we ever got high," Louis replies in a small voice. All of his memories from that morning are creeping to the forefront of his mind as his eyes lock with the empty swings. He can picture the first night he met Harry, and how he wouldn't even look at him, and the harsh looks when he did. The thought of going back to that makes him feel sick. He tries not to let it show on his face, but he knows he's probably failing.

He finally breaks his gaze after a few lingering moments and shifts his gaze back to Zayn, who he finds looking at him with furrowed brows.

"Y'alright, Lou?" he ventures, his worry obvious in his voice.

"Oh, yeah, 'course. Speaking of getting high, you got anything? I think we could both use it right now, yeah?" Louis deflects.

"I don't, but Harry lives just 'round the corner. I'm sure he's got someth—"

"No!" Louis cuts him off before he can finish properly, his voice a bit louder than he'd intended. Zayn gives him a strange look.

"I just mean, er, y'know, wouldn't wanna bother him or anything," he covers lamely.

"Look, if you're worried about the first night, mate, he seems cool with you now. He's just closed off at first, y'know? He's really a good bloke once he lets you past the exterior. Just takes a while," he says, clapping Louis on the back reassuringly.

"That's not it. I just..." Louis searches for an excuse, but can't find one. Zayn looks at him with a curious, but expectant look as he waits for Louis to explain himself. Louis sighs.

"There was an... incident. Between me and Harry," he finally admits, looking at Zayn out of the corner of his eye to gauge his reaction.

He raises his eyebrows in interest. "An incident? What kind of incident?"

Louis hesitates. After a few seconds, he groans and hangs his head. "I stayed over at his last night."

"What?! Wait, _seriously_?" Zayn chokes out, causing Louis to look up at him. His eyebrows are shot up his forehead and his surprise is written all over his face. There’s amusement there as well. Louis rolls his eyes.

"Yeah, _seriously_ ," he replies, his tone biting, mocking, and a bit miserable all at the same time.

"Did you... _y'know_?"

Louis stays silent then, a sheepish, embarrassed look on his face.

"Christ, you did!"

Louis glares at Zayn while he laughs at him, but Zayn composes himself when he catches his gaze, but he still wears an amused smile.

"We didn't do _that_... exactly."

"Exactly? What does that mean, _'exactly'_?"

Louis sighs and explains what happened, more or less, starting from the impromptu meeting at the park all the way to Louis rushing out of Harry's house like a bat out of hell just after making him come. Zayn’s staring at him with wide eyes by the end of it. Louis isn’t sure if that’s a good or bad thing.

"Shit," he breathes out finally. "That's intense."

"Yeah. Tell me about it," Louis replies, huffing out a humorless laugh while he rubs his hands over his face.

"He really showed you his ceiling, though? And let you sleep in his bed with him?" Zayn asks, surprise tinting his tone.

"Uh, he did, yeah. Why? Is that weird or something?"

Zayn shrugs. "Dunno. Only slept in his bed with him once or twice in all the years I've known him. Every other time I've always stayed in the spare room."

Louis' brows furrow. He didn't even know there _was_  a guest room in Harry's house. He hadn't mentioned it. "Oh."

Zayn hesitates then, looking like he wants to say something but he’s unsure if he should. Louis looks at him patiently, even though he wishes he would just spit it out already.

"So you like him, then?" he asks finally.

Louis freezes, wishing he hadn't asked that. Anything but that. He’s spent a while now trying his hardest to avoid that question, even in his own mind.

He just shrugs. "Dunno. He's fit, obviously, but..."

"But?"

He sighs. "I just, I dunno. I just met him, y'know? And he's so..." he gestures wildly at nothing, before continuing, "like, _Harry_ , y'know? And I fucking hate relationships. You know that. And besides, why would he want me in the first place? Nobody stays with me. I mean, fuck. My own parents don't even want me."

He looks over at Zayn then, who’s looking at him with a sympathetic, knowing look in his eyes. "Anybody would be crazy not to want you, Lou. And besides, I’ve stayed with you, haven't I?"

Louis gives him a small apologetic smile in response, accompanied by a small nod, feeling a little pathetic for going off on a tangent like that.

"You should be careful, though. Like, Harry's a nice lad, and god knows I love him, but he's got a lot of issues. Especially when it comes to relationships. I just don't wanna see you get hurt, yeah?" Zayn says, his voice more serious now, and Louis can tell that he still has something else to add, but he can't decide exactly how to put it. "I know how you get, y'know?" he finally adds, his voice softer than before.

Louis nods in reply, before giving him a small, appreciative smile and clapping him on the back. "Thanks for looking out, mate, but I'm not trying to jump into a relationship with him. I just think he's fit. And like I said, he probably doesn't even want me, so no worries." Louis shrugs, like it’s a fact that should be obvious and he's come to terms with it.

Zayn doesn't look entirely convinced; he has this look in his eyes like Louis isn't fully grasping the entire situation, but he still nods reluctantly. Louis just wants to drop the whole topic entirely.

"Speaking of relationships, though. What’s going on with you and Liam?" Louis ventures, figuring now is as good a time as any to finally ask about the nature of Zayn and Liam's relationship.

Zayn’s face lights up a bit and a little smile forms on his lips. "Dunno. I mean, we're exclusive, but we don't really have a label, y'know? We just kind of... _are_."

"How long've you... _been_ , then?"

"'Bout seven months or so now." Zayn bites down on his bottom lip, trying to hide his smitten little smile.

"You're fuckin’ gone for him," Louis says, making it a statement rather than a question since he already knows it’s true.

Zayn smiles at that. "Yeah."

"He's gone for you, too. It's obvious."

His smile widens. "Yeah. Hope so, anyway."

Louis smiles back at him. "M'happy for you. You deserve to be happy, you know? I don’t know a single person who deserves it more than you."

"Thanks, mate." Zayn pulls him into a hug then, his eyes shining.

Louis squeezes him tight, letting him know how much he meant every word. "Alright, alright, now that we've shared our feelings and shit, y'wanna go back to mine?" Louis says with a teasing smirk as they pulled away.

Zayn shakes his head and nudges him hard, a smile on his face all the same. "Let's go, ya twat."

It’s a comfortable walk back, although they don't really talk much, wordlessly deciding instead to let the previous conversation fully sink in. Louis is happy for it, using the time to properly sort through all of the thoughts swirling around in his head.

When they finally get back, they sit in Louis' room and talk and joke around until they finally both pass out on Louis' bed at some ridiculous hour of the morning.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and here comes the angst. i hope you guys liked this chapter! the next chapter should be up next week, if not sooner. as always, thanks for sticking with me, and let me know what you think!
> 
> also, i've created tags on my blog for this fic, so if you're interested in seeing some extra stuff (visuals, relevant quotes, playlist), [go here](http://laddybropals.tumblr.com/tntly)! i update it regularly, so if you need a tntly fix while you're waiting for an update, you can always check that out.
> 
> if you have any questions, or just wanna chat, find me on tumblr at [laddybropals](http://laddybropals.tumblr.com/), or hit me up on twitter @laddybropals
> 
> kudos/comments are always appreciated :)


	4. IV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hiiii, it's been a while, sorry about that. i'm currently editing the next chapter to post in a few days to make up for it, though, so look out for that!
> 
> as always, [lena](http://donacster.tumblr.com) is the best for dealing with my obsessive editing and re-writes, and just her general cheerleading with this fic. it would honestly be nothing without her help.
> 
> chapter warnings: alcohol use, recreational drug use, oral sex (it's very brief, and has no detail whatsoever, but i feel it's worth mentioning), there's some very brief louis/aiden and louis/aiden/calum in this chapter so if you don't like that you might wanna skip over some parts near the bottom js

Zayn leaves Louis' place around midday the next day to go over to Liam's. He invites Louis to come along as well, but Louis declines. He knows Niall won't be there since he's gone to Ireland to visit family, and he's not sure if Harry will show up at some point but he doesn't want to take the chance. He’s not ready to face him just yet.

Besides, he wants to potentially give Zayn and Liam some alone time. Liam's dad had been in town for a few days before he had to leave out again that morning, so Louis knows they haven't gotten to spend much time together the past few days. After their conversation the night before, he wants Zayn to be able to spend some alone time with his boy. At least one of them can be happy, right?

After Zayn leaves, Louis spends most of the day with his aunt Sarah, or just lounging about in his room. For the first time since he’d arrived, he actually takes the time to go through all of his things and put them away properly (since the first time around he'd only gone through the essentials, i.e. clothes and hats, and did a half-assed job of putting them away, while leaving the rest in boxes strewn about his room.) It's a bit of work, but he feels accomplished by the time he's finished. He's really starting to feel settled here, and the more time he spends in Holmes Chapel, the more it feels like home. Even if the thought terrifies him a bit.

As he lies in bed that night, Louis can't seem to get Harry out of his mind. He knows he needs to talk to him about what happened sooner or later. But he isn't sure he'll even be able to speak coherently around Harry with all of the memories he now has of Harry pressed against his arse, his breath hot on Louis' neck, and Louis making him come. Just the thought makes him sink his teeth into his lower lip.

While drifting somewhere between his dreams and reality, Louis decides the next time he sees Harry, he'll talk to him about it. It has to happen eventually, doesn't it? They might as well get it over with. He won't go looking for him, though. He'll wait. He can do that, no problems. With that decision made, Louis drifts off into dreams of green eyes, racing hearts, and silver swirls.

 

Louis doesn't see Harry for the next four days. He hangs around with Zayn and Liam nearly every day, but when he arrives they always claim Harry has either just gone, is busy, or is meant to meet up with them later on but never ends up showing. On the third day, Niall comes back from Ireland and re-joins them, but there's still no sign of Harry.

On the fifth day, Louis decides to have a day to himself. He walks around the city, purposefully passing by the playground twice, but seeing no figure resembling Harry's. He's beginning to think he really did fuck things up royally.

As the sun begins to set, Louis spots a semi-busy pub and decides it'll do for a place to drown his sorrows. He knows it isn't a particularly good idea, since he has a bad track record at pubs, and he rarely ever gets drunk when he's upset because it always ends badly, but he figures one or two can't hurt.

He makes his way inside, finding it isn't the classiest place, but what else can one expect from a place called _Punky's_ , really? It'll do.

He doesn't pay any of the other patrons any mind as he makes his way to the bar, sitting in one of the few free stools and gesturing for the bartender. He orders a beer, since hard liquor is something he usually tries to avoid unless he wants to wake up the next morning with a massive hangover and a few new regrets to add to his collection.

He keeps to himself and drinks his beer, half-heartedly watching some programme that's playing on the little television hanging on the wall next to the bar. Once his first beer is finished, he orders another, waving off some random drunk middle aged man who insists on buying him a shot. When that one is half-done, he feels eyes boring into the side of his head from across the bar. He ignores it, not bothering to look to see who it is. He figures it's probably the same guy from before, and even if it isn't, he's not exactly keen to find out who else it could be. From what he's gathered, a good portion of the patrons are in their late twenties or early thirties, and he's not really into that, to be honest. He's gone down that route before; he dated a guy who was in his late twenties while he was still a fresh-faced sixteen year old, and well. It didn't exactly end well. At all.

When he feels someone occupy the seat next to him, he shifts away from them, content to ignore them completely until he hears a voice not far from his ear. "Can I buy you a drink?"

The voice sounds hesitant and too familiar, and it causes Louis to whip his head around to stare in disbelief at its owner. "Sure, er, if you want."

His eyes connect with Harry's green ones for a moment before Harry nods and turns to the bartender to order two beers for them both. Louis takes this opportunity to down the rest of his quickly, hoping it'll heighten his buzz, because he feels far too sober for this right now.

When Harry looks back over to him, he still seems hesitant, unsure of what to say.

Louis figures he should be the one to start, then. Besides, if he doesn't do it now, he knows he'll probably lose his nerve and bolt before they get a chance to clear things up. Again. "Look. I'm sorry, y'know, for leaving. Or for doing it in the first place. Unless you're not sorry, then I'm not sorry, either. I, er, I'm just, um, I dunno. I don't want to fuck things up, y'know? We have the same mates and all that. Not like we can avoid each other forever, can we?" He feels like a complete asshole by the time he's finished, but it's too late to take any of it back now.

Harry gives him a mildly amused look, but it's mixed with something else that Louis can't place.

"I'm not sorry it happened, Louis. It wasn't a big deal, honestly. It happened, y'know? And it was nice. Should've warned you that sometimes I'm a sleep cuddler. Didn't expect _that_  to happen, 'course, but what can you do?"

Louis raises his eyebrows at how nonchalant Harry's being about the whole thing. "Right..."

"And like you said, we have the same mates. Shouldn't be a problem, yeah?"

"Yeah, I mean, er... yeah," Louis responds lamely, utterly confused at Harry's reaction given the fact that he's been blatantly avoiding him for almost a week now.

"Why did you leave anyway?" Harry asks casually, just as the bartender sets their drinks in front of them. He doesn't seem angry, just curious.

"Um." Louis pauses for a moment as he takes his first swig from the new glass. "Figure it's better to leave on your own before being asked to leave, I s'pose." He averts his gaze at that, taking another long swig.

Harry doesn't say anything for a moment, and Louis isn't sure he wants a reply at all. Finally, Louis hears an amused little hum and he looks back at Harry with a quirked brow.

"Well, you left before I could reciprocate. Guess I owe you one, eh?" Harry nudges him then, giving him a playful wink. Louis nods hesitantly. He's heard that Harry can be a charmer when he wants to be, but Louis has never seen this side of Harry before. And he wouldn't exactly call him charming. He seems to be making a joke of the whole thing, and it unsettles Louis in a way that he can't quite comprehend. Or doesn't really want to.

At Louis' reaction, Harry's face turns a bit more serious. "Hey, m'only joking. Kind of." He hesitates, searching Louis' face a second before continuing. "Look, I don't do relationships, so like, if you thought that what happened was something more than it was, I'm sorry, but it wasn't. It didn't mean anything."

Louis gapes at him. " _W-what_? I don't want a _relationship_  with you, Harry, for fuck's sake! We barely know each other. And besides, I actually don't want a relationship with _anyone_ , at the moment. Relationships are..." Louis has to stop himself before he starts rambling. That wouldn't be good for either of them, and talking about relationships and love and commitment and things like that always puts Louis in a weird mood. "Well, anyways. I just... I just wanna be your mate. Like, proper mates. If you'd want that."

"You wanna be my mate?" Harry asks with a raised brow, before he smiles devilishly at him, leaning towards him and dropping his voice so only the two of them can hear. "Even after you made me come through my clothes? You do that with all your mates, then?"

Louis tries his hardest to fight the blush that's rushing to his cheeks, painting them a soft pink while he playfully nudges Harry away from him. "Christ, you're shameless, aren't you?"

"Obviously." His tone is sarcastic, but the look in his eyes shows that he meant it. Louis hasn't been sure what to expect from Harry, but whatever he'd been expecting, this isn't it. Not even close. He's starting to act more like he acts with the rest of the group, but there's still something different about it. Something else that Louis can't figure out.

"But yeah. We can be mates," Harry adds after a moment, giving Louis a nonchalant shrug.

"Yeah?" Louis is a little surprised, if he's being completely honest. He'd expected more resistance. Or maybe more avoidance.

"Yeah. Mates, then?" Harry lifts his glass towards Louis, and Louis nods as he clinks his own glass against it.

They fall into a fairly normal conversation after that, with Louis eventually asking Harry how he got the bartender to sell him drinks in the first place since he's only seventeen, to which Harry responds that he knows the bartender, and even buys weed from the guy's brother. Louis is impressed, and a bit in awe, as he continues speaking with Harry so normally. He isn't the cold, closed-off guy he had met weeks ago. He's actually funny and engaging, like Louis already knew he was, but it's different now. He's never been on the receiving end of it all, and besides that, Harry's always held himself back when they're with the group because of Louis' presence, which is something he'd only speculated about before, but he's absolutely sure of now. It gives him an odd feeling, but most of all, he feels like he's really seeing Harry for the first time, and it's marvelous.

After a few more drinks, Harry and Louis part ways, and Louis takes his time walking home, partly because of the strong buzz he feels flowing through him from the alcohol he's consumed, but also because he's still high on Harry. He falls asleep that night with thoughts of green eyes, yet again, now paired with half-empty glasses of beer, a devilish smirk, and a laugh that Louis wants to record and play for hours on loop.

 

Over the next few weeks, everything settles into a nice rhythm. Things with the group are better than ever, surprisingly, and Harry finally seems to loosen up more when Louis is there. Sometimes when they're joking around, specifically about sex, Harry will give Louis a look. It's almost a smirk, but it's more in his eyes than anything. Sometimes he'll even top it off with a wink. Louis would be lying if he said it doesn't give him a little fluttering feeling in his stomach, and it never fails to bring a subtle pink flush to his cheeks.

Zayn eventually catches on to the looks, and gives Louis a curious look accompanied with an eyebrow raise every time it happens, but he never says anything. Louis always ignores it. Just like he's trying to ignore the warm feelings that arise when he's a little too close to Harry, or if he laughs that laugh that Louis loves, or if he flashes that genuine, lopsided smile that makes Louis' heart stop. Louis hides his feelings well, though. His bothersome, no good feelings for his new mate. His _platonic_  new mate. Strictly platonic.

One thing he learns about Harry over the course of those few weeks are his constantly changing moods. One day, he'll be laughing and joking around with them all, winking at Louis, and in a seemingly good mood. Then, the next day, he'll be moody, keeping to himself and snapping at them if they push him too much. At the beginning, he would usually stay to himself, only halfway into the conversations, keeping himself completely closed off, but Louis knows now that that was just because he didn't trust Louis. Now that they're mates and he's finally seeing the real Harry, bit by bit, Louis is fully understanding why the boys weren't surprised by Harry's actions the first night. He's as unpredictable as he is mysterious, and as much as that draws Louis into him even more, it also completely terrifies him.

He doesn't always have his attention focused on Harry when he's with the group, though. He gets on well with all the boys, as he has from day one, but he finds that he likes them even better than he'd anticipated. Liam is smart, but sometimes oblivious, with a fantastic sense of humor and a liking for mischief and practical jokes, which Louis enjoys immensely. He's also very sensitive, and would bend over backwards to help someone he cares about. It amazes Louis every time he goes out of his way for any of them, but especially him, since he's not used to that kind of thing at all. It makes him appreciate Liam that much more.

Niall, on the other hand, is a fucking ball of sunshine. He's loud and hilarious, and sometimes a little too blunt, but he's most certainly the life of the party. He always knows how to put a smile on someone's face, no matter what kind of mood they're in. Even Harry when he's at his moodiest can't help but to crack a smile at Niall, albeit unhappily. And Niall's really taken to Louis, probably more than anyone else apart from Zayn, and Louis' developed quite the soft spot for the blonde Irishman as well. He basks in the way Niall always laughs at his jokes and hangs onto every word he says, and how he always makes Louis feel extremely comfortable around him.

It's odd, how he feels so close to all of them so soon, but for once, Louis feels like he really belongs. Not just in a place, but with the people he surrounds himself with. It's still a bit scary for him—or a lot scary—but he has to say that he's come to really love it all.

Ever since the pub, Louis and Harry haven't spent any real alone time together, just the two of them, other than five or ten minutes here or there when the other boys have to leave the room for something or another. It's during those times that Harry will either not even look at him at all, or he'll stare at him with a ghost of a smirk and a look in his eyes that cause Louis to have flashbacks of torturous friction and his name falling in hot breath on the back of his neck. Louis isn't sure, but he thinks that might be Harry's intention. To drive him mad.

They never talk about it though, or even acknowledge it other than Harry's little looks and winks. Louis is almost glad that he and Harry don't spend much alone time together, because he's not sure he has the resolve to stand to be alone with him and still convince himself that what he feels is completely platonic. He's not sure he'll be able to hide the feelings he constantly tries to shove deep down and keep covered up on any other day. He's almost grateful for the days when Harry keeps to himself and won't look at him, because while Louis always feels a disappointed pang at the loss of Harry's smile and attention, it also gives Louis a chance to breathe properly without fear of Harry looking at him with that look and Louis having to keep his feelings in check and constantly remind himself they're just friends. Just mates, is all. Platonic as can be.

He only wishes it were that simple. And while he pretends it is, deep down he knows it isn't.

Zayn can tell as much, too. When Harry's around, he'll catch Zayn paying a bit more attention to him. Catching Louis in the act when he looks a little too long at Harry, or smiles at him a bit too wide, or looks at him too fondly, or when the little touches he gives Harry linger a bit longer than the ones he gives the rest of the boys.

Eventually, Zayn confronts him about it.

They're getting high at Liam's, just the three of them, when Liam goes to go order them some take away. As soon as he's out of earshot, Zayn gives Louis a look. Louis can tell he's about to say something he knows Louis doesn't want to hear. He's right.

"What's going on with you and Harry?" he ventures finally, not bothering to beat around the bush.

Louis plasters on a look of confusion. "What d'ya mean?"

Zayn gives him an eyebrow raise and a look that Louis has always hated. It's his 'I call bullshit, so don't you dare lie to me' look. Louis rolls his eyes and sighs. He hates feeling transparent.

"Nothing's going on! We're mates. I told you, we talked about it, we agreed it was nothing, and we're mates. That's it."

"You _both_  agreed it was nothing? Or he said it was nothing, so you agreed and took what you could get? Look, I see the way you look at him, and I know you, Lou. Come on."

Zayn's words sting like a slap to the face. Louis knows it's because they're true. He is just taking what he can get, like he always does. He won't admit that, though. He wouldn't dare.

"You don't know what you're talking about. It was nothing. I don't see him like that." Louis' tone has no emotion behind it, falling flat even to his own ears.

" _Louis_ —"

"Just drop it, alright? _Christ_ , Z," Louis cuts him off, hating the sympathetic, pitying tone Zayn's giving him. He doesn't want to hear about how pathetic he is and how bad Zayn feels for him. He already feels pathetic enough. He really doesn't need the extra confirmation, thanks.

"Alright, fine. Whatever you say," Zayn sighs, sinking down in his seat as Liam starts making his way back out to them, announcing that he's ordered Chinese for them all, officially ending Zayn and Louis' conversation. Zayn keeps giving him looks throughout the night, and Louis knows he hasn't said all he wants to, but he ignores it. He doesn't want to hear what he has to say. Mostly because he knows Zayn's probably right.

 

A few days later, it’s just Zayn, Liam, Niall and Louis over at Niall's place, when Zayn suggests they go out. Louis raises his eyebrows at this, feeling surprised and a bit suspicious. They’ve all gone out quite a few times since Louis has been there, but it’s usually Niall or Liam's idea, and Zayn only tags along because Liam asks him to. Zayn and Liam usually hang all over each other all night, while Louis and Niall chat with people at the bar or dance a bit. If Harry tags along, he sticks with them for a while before breaking off to do his own thing. He always finds someone to leave with not long after, and Louis always pretends not to notice. He gets plenty of offers himself, but he always makes excuses to decline. Always too much this, too little that, never enough, or far too much. He won't admit the real reason, never. He just has high standards, is all.

Louis silently questions Zayn's motivations behind wanting to go out, but he reluctantly agrees after Niall lights up at the idea and claims he won't take no for an answer. As if Louis, or anybody else, would be able to deny him in the first place when he's looking that excited about it.

Once they've finally gotten ready and make it to the club—one of the few nightclubs Holmes Chapel and the surrounding areas have to offer—they make it inside with no problems. Technically, Zayn and Louis are the only ones old enough to get in, but the rest of the boys have fake ID's, and even though nearly everyone at the club knows they're fake, Liam always gives big tips and buys multiple rounds of drinks for the entire bar, so they never turn them down.

The bass from the speakers shakes the whole club as a swarm of sweaty bodies move against each other where they’re packed onto the dance floor. It’s a bit busier than he’s used to, but while that would usually bring Louis’ mood down a bit and make him seek a less crowded area to stay in, tonight he finds that he doesn’t really mind being in a big crowd of people. Sometimes being around so many people at once only drains him and accentuates his loneliness, but he doesn’t care about that tonight. He wants to be a part of the crowd, wants to be just another nameless face. He wants to lose himself tonight, and he can’t think of a better way to do it than this.

Once they make their way to the bar, Liam orders them all beers, except for Niall, who requests a shot instead. A few beers later, Liam attempts to drag Zayn to a less populated corner of the dance floor where they can grind and make out and do whatever it is that people in an exclusive non-labeled relationship do, but just before Zayn finally allows himself to be whisked away, he leans into Louis' ear and says, just loud enough for Louis to hear, "Try meeting some new people, yeah? Like, get to know people." He gives Louis a pointed look as he moves away, and Louis gives him an eyebrow raise in return, but nods anyway. So _that's_  why he'd wanted to come here tonight. It all makes sense now.

Louis sticks by Niall for a while longer, who has somehow started a drinking competition with some random guy at the bar. He shakes his head at the poor guy, who’s obviously already struggling to keep up, but he doesn't feel too bad for him. Should've known better than to get into a drinking competition with an Irishman.

After a while, Louis begins surveying his surroundings. There are a lot of people there, many of them doing the same thing he is; just watching, looking. Louis isn’t sure what he’s looking for, but he thinks maybe Zayn is right. Maybe he should meet new people.

Just then, in a corner just to the side of the bar, he spots a familiar pair of shoulders, familiar tight black jeans, familiar curly hair escaping the back-facing snapback that Louis knows he's seen multiple times before. Harry has his back to where Louis is, and he’s currently talking very closely with someone Louis can hardly see, but knows he probably wouldn't recognize even if he could. Louis starts to panic a bit, feeling heat rising throughout his entire body, but it’s quickly overridden with a strong wave of resentment. As he watches Harry, he’s unable to tamp down the bitterness and annoyance that washes over him.

This is supposed to be _his_  night to find someone new. Not his night to watch Harry leave with some stranger for a one-night fling, yet again. Not his night to leave alone and have to sit in bed with sad, drunken thoughts about how he isn't good enough for anyone, is only meant to be a one-night stand, never worthy of love and attention. No, this is supposed to be _his_  night, and fuck Harry for trying to take that from him.

With a newfound determination clouding his better judgment, Louis turns to the bartender and orders three shots. As soon as they’re set in front of him, Louis starts downing them all as quickly as possible. Niall claps him on the back excitedly at that, before slurring something about joining the big leagues. Louis smiles at him, letting the shots mix with the four or five beers he's already consumed. At this point, he knows he'll either be leaving with someone tonight, or he'll end up getting kicked out of the club with a black eye and multiple bruises. He hopes it’ll be the former.

Louis looks around the room now, scoping out the best possible candidates for his self-imposed mission. When he looks across the bar, he notices a guy that had been giving him interested looks earlier in the night, that he'd pretended not to notice. He eyes him for a few seconds, before deciding that he’s attractive enough, and when the guy locks eyes with him a few moments later, he gives him what he hopes is a flirty smile. The stranger smiles back and gives him a nod, which Louis quickly reciprocates. After his positive response, the guy wastes no time in making his way over to where Louis is standing.

"Hey. Name's Aiden. Can I buy you a drink?" he asks, leaning close to Louis' ear to be heard over the music.

"No, but you can take me over there to the dance floor, if you'd like," Louis replies with a slight slur as he gives a little nod towards the throng of bodies dancing along with the beat thumping around them. The guy, Aiden, just nods and gives him a little smirk before grabbing Louis' hand and leading him to the dance floor.

The floor is crowded, and Louis makes sure they stay towards the outskirts, for reasons he won't admit even to himself. He presses himself up against Aiden, and they begin to move their bodies against each other, front to front, with Louis wrapping his arms around Aiden’s shoulders while Aiden rests his hands on Louis' hips. With all of the alcohol he's consumed, everything feels like a blur, but he keeps moving, letting his body sway with the music and mostly letting Aiden guide their movements.

After a minute or so of dancing, Louis looks up at Aiden’s face, and realizes that face to face is far too intimate for him right now, even though he enjoys the friction of his crotch rubbing against Aiden’s. He tries to make it seem as natural as possible when he turns around, pressing his back to Aiden’s front and continuing to move to the beat. He likes this much better, and soon finds that now he can forget that he’s grinding on a complete stranger, and picture someone else. Someone with green eyes and curly, hat-covered hair. He curses himself for doing it, but he doesn't stop, can’t stop, especially when he feels lips trailing along the exposed skin of his neck. Louis doesn't stop himself as he tilts his head to allow better access.

He lets his eyes drift shut to enjoy the sensation, his body still moving and his thoughts still hazy. When he opens his eyes again, he notices a boy dancing in a small circle of people trying to connect eyes with him. He gives a small smirk, and the boy gives him a nod in return. Louis finds that he likes the attention, so he blows a kiss back. The more distractions the better, in his opinion.

The boy wastes no time in making his way over and Louis is a little disappointed when he feels lips leaving his skin.

"I'm Calum. Mind if I join you?" the stranger introduces.

Louis gives a wide smile and shakes his head. "'Course not! We don't mind, do we?" He looks back at Aiden before returning his attention to Calum.

"Why not?" Aiden agrees, and Louis' smile grows wider. Calum doesn't hesitate as he moves his body right up against Louis' front and starts grinding against him. Louis continues moving his body, but he feels like the inside of a sandwich with bodies pushing against him from both sides. He can't really complain, though. It’s a more than welcome distraction. And besides, Harry had only been talking to one guy. Louis now has two. And Zayn _had_  said to meet new people, hadn't he? People, as in plural. He’s simply doing as asked.

They move like that for a bit, before he feels lips against his neck again, causing him to bite down on his lower lip. He notices Calum staring at his lips then, and it’s only a second later that he presses his lips against Louis'.

The kiss is a bit sloppy, but Louis lets it happen, all in the name of seizing the night. Someone wants him in that moment, and he revels in the feeling of being wanted. He soaks up the attention, basking in it and feeding on it like he’s starving and it’s the only thing in the world that will fill him up.

After a few moments of kissing, Calum pulls away and Aiden pulls Louis' head back to lock their lips together. Louis doesn't pull away from that kiss either, and closes his eyes as Calum begins kissing along the skin of his neck while Aiden occupies his mouth.

When Aiden finally pulls away, Louis is dazed; not from the kiss, but just from the buzz of the alcohol flowing through his veins mixed with the heat he feels from being in a big crowd with his body so closely covered by other bodies. Calum and Aiden lean over Louis' shoulder then and kiss each other, and Louis leans his head back, taking a few deep breaths and letting his body move of it's own volition.

After they break the kiss, each boy chooses a side of Louis' neck to connect their mouths to and Louis’ eyes flutter shut at the sensation. When he opens them a few seconds later, his eyes instinctively move to the spot where he’d last seen Harry, and finds it empty. Louis pretends not to care.

He scans the crowd in front of him, and almost giggles when he sees green eyes boring into him from a table just outside of the dance floor, not very far from where Louis is dancing. He notices that Harry is alone, and his attention is focused completely on Louis, and that sends a rush down Louis' spine that has nothing to do with the bodies pressed against him or the lips on his neck. He shoots Harry a smirk and a horribly executed wink, trying to make it seem like he’s showing off to a mate, but it’s more out of pettiness than anything else. He wants to rub it in Harry's face, no matter how childish it is.

He looks away from Harry then, putting more enthusiasm into his interactions now that he knows Harry is watching. Or at least that he knows where to look.

He continues on like that for a while, taking turns kissing the boys and letting the boys kiss his lips and neck, and not looking back at Harry all the while. He allows himself to get distracted, and when Calum is finally pulled away by what appears to be a friend of his, leaving Louis with a parting kiss and a number, he continues dancing with Aiden all the same.

A few songs later, Aiden whispers in his ear that he wants to drop to his knees right then and there for him. Louis pretends it’s Harry's voice instead. "Why not then?" he replies, unable to stop himself, still caught up in his fantasy.

Aiden murmurs something about the loo and how turned on he is, to which Louis just nods dazedly and lets himself be lead away from the dance floor and then behind a door that apparently leads to the restrooms.

Next thing he knows, he’s inside of a stall, pushed against the wall with his pants around his ankles. Louis leans his head back and closes his eyes as a virtual stranger's mouth moves sloppily over his cock, pretending it’s someone else entirely on their knees in front of him.

With his fantasy in mind, it doesn't take him long to come, groaning out Harry's name as he shudders through his orgasm. He’s disoriented as he comes down from his high, and looks down at the boy in front of him, preparing himself to help pull him up for a drunken kiss, but he’s confused for a moment when he sees brown eyes instead of green.

"Fuck," he looks around, mind still buzzing from the alcohol as he lets this situation sink in, and he stumbles a bit as he pulls his pants back up. "Thanks, mate," he pats Aiden’s shoulder clumsily, who’s standing in front of him now.

"It's Aiden," he replies with a shake of his head and a disbelieving huff, before leaving Louis alone in the stall. Louis gives an awkward, "Yeah, 'course," in reply as he walks away.

Louis leans against the wall for a minute, trying to let his mind re-focus and sober up a bit before he leaves the stall and re-enters the club. Finally, he steps out and makes his way over to the sink to splash some water on his face. Just after he's finished doing so, the door opens and Harry walks in.

"Harry! Y'having fun? M'having a great time! Fucking fantastic, honestly," Louis says, moving over to Harry and clapping him on the shoulder, which throws Louis off-balance and causes them both to stumble a bit. Louis just laughs.

"Did you just fuck someone in here?" Harry asks in a disbelieving tone. Louis laughs again.

"Great, innit? Aren't you happy for me? You're my mate now, so you're supposed to be happy for me, right?" Louis' voice is slurred, and he’s not sure if his sarcasm is evident in his tone, but he finds he doesn't really care at this point.

"Louis, what the fuck are you doing?"

"What? You go home with people all the time, so why can't I? Besides the going home part, y'know, but still," Louis defends, giving a little laugh and a shrug, his tone light but challenging. "Besides, looks like I finally got mine, yeah? Remember when I made you come?" He pauses to laugh, like it's so funny he can't stop himself. "Figured it was my turn, since you couldn't get it done the first time 'round." He continues through his laughter, saying it like a joke, but Harry doesn't seem to find it funny. Louis knows he's being a bit cruel, but he’s too drunk to care. He never did have a very good filter when he’s drunk.

"Fuck you, mate." Harry shakes his head at him, both his tone and expression serious. Louis can see something indecipherable shining in his eyes. He has a childish hope that his words had stung.

"But you didn't! And you won't. Because we're _mates_!  And that's not what mates do, is it?" He laughs again, a loud, bitter sound. "Such good fucking mates, yeah? Like, _fuck_! I just love being mates, don't you? The laddiest of pals, aren't we?" Louis' hands are flailing wildly now along with his words, making him go a little off balance again and almost causing him to stumble, and he doesn't even bother hiding the resentful, sarcastic tone of his words, or his bitter, fake smile.

"Fine. You don't wanna be mates? There you have it, then," Harry replies with a shrug, as he turns to leave.

"Didn't you hear what I said!? I love being mates! S'my _favorite_!" Louis calls out in a loud, obnoxious voice just as Harry opens the door, giving Louis a sharp glance back before disappearing outside of the door and letting it close behind him.

Louis feels tears sting his eyes then, and he moves to bang his fists against the tile wall across from him. After he gets more than a few punches in, he slumps against the wall and slides down it, staying there and trying to ignore the way his hands throb until he feels two bodies, that he can vaguely make out to be Zayn and Liam, lifting him and helping him out of the building.

Louis empties the contents of his stomach on the sidewalk just outside of the club, before he’s being hauled inside the back of a taxi. The ride back from the club is a blur, and he can barely pay attention or even keep his eyes open fully as he’s coerced into drinking half a bottle of water. He's not sure where he ends up, but he passes out as soon as his head lands on a flat surface.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and there you have it! louis and harry become friends, and then louis and harry's friendship hits a huge road block, all in one chapter. i hope you don't hate me too much for that ;)
> 
> i've created tags on my blog for this fic, so if you're interested in seeing some extra stuff (visuals, relevant quotes, playlist), [go here](http://laddybropals.tumblr.com/tntly)! i update it regularly, so if you need a tntly fix while you're waiting for an update, you can always check that out.
> 
> if you have any questions, or just wanna chat, find me on tumblr at [laddybropals](http://laddybropals.tumblr.com/), or hit me up on twitter @laddybropals
> 
> kudos/comments are always appreciated :)


	5. V

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as always, a big thanks goes to [lena](http://donacster.tumblr.com) for always helping so much with this and giving amazing feedback.
> 
> chapter warnings: oral sex, fingering, anal sex

Louis wakes up the next morning with a throbbing headache and only a vague recollection of what happened the night before. He isn't sure how he'd gotten from the club to where he is now, but he's waking up alone, so he can only assume that he hadn't gone home with some stranger for a one off. As he looks around the room, it takes a minute or so in his disoriented state to realize that he's in one of the spare bedrooms at Liam's place. That's a relief, at least.

After he works out that minor detail, he starts trying to go over the events of the night before in his head, but can only recall bits and pieces. Though he knows that if his bruised knuckles are any indication, it had been quite an eventful night.

He gives up his attempt to deconstruct and analyze his shoddy memories of the night before when his head starts pounding harder, if possible, and he decides he might as well get some painkillers and food in him. Maybe then he'll be able to remember more and get a clearer picture. And he'll also have an opportunity to ask the boys what they remember.

With that thought in mind, he slowly gets up out of bed and makes his way down to the kitchen, where he finds the rest of the boys already there with plates of food in front of them. All of the boys except Harry. For some reason, this doesn't surprise him.

"Oi, Tommo! Thought you'd never wake up, mate. You’ve been sleeping for ages," Zayn greets him with an amused smile as he points to the small stack of pancakes and pile of bacon that are sitting on the counter that the rest of them have already obviously taken from.

Louis just grumbles in response as he heads straight for the pancakes, deciding that Zayn is far too chipper for the morning after a night out. Even if it is half past two in the afternoon. Zayn doesn't drink much, for obvious reasons, so he normally just laughs at them the day after, but never fails to cook them all breakfast. Or brunch, technically. It's one of the many things Louis loves about him, and also one of the many things that make him a great friend.

Once Louis has finished his breakfast, the other boys have long since finished and are chatting amongst themselves. Liam had brought him some painkillers while he was eating, to which he responded with a big wet kiss on his cheek in thanks. The other boys had snickered at that, while Liam had only been fondly exasperated.

At the end of it all, Louis finds himself still feeling pretty worse for wear, but he feels a little less like death, so he takes that as a good sign. He listens in as Niall recounts his version of events from the night before, mostly about some sort of drinking competition and then a heated snog with a girl he'd seen around at a few parties before. Louis remembers the drinking competition, but the rest of the night is still a bit fuzzy, and he's not sure what he'd gotten up to while Niall was off getting snogged. He remembers seeing Harry with someone else and having a few shots, but the details and order of events following are skewed and blurry around the edges.

Finally, he just decides to just ask. "Anyone remember what happened to me last night? Don't really remember much, m'head's all fuzzy."

Zayn quirks an eyebrow. "Well, liquor'll do that to you. I don't really know what happened between leaving you at the bar and dragging you up off the bathroom floor with bruised knuckles, though. Sorry, mate." He gives him an apologetic shrug.

Niall leans over to give him a pat on the back. "Last thing I saw was you dancing between two fit looking lads. Was pretty proud of you, me'self. Looked like you had a hell of a time." He snickers and pulls the neckline of Louis' shirt to the side a bit and pokes at the skin there, which turns out to be quite tender, causing Louis to flinch and move away from his touch.

"Shit." He abruptly shoots up out of his chair then and goes to examine his skin in the mirror hanging in the corridor leading from the kitchen to the entryway. He finds multiple marks on his skin, and he can't stop himself from gaping at them. _Fuck_. He had let not just one, but two random guys at the club mark him up.

He walks back into the room and sits back down in his previously vacated seat. He vaguely remembers dancing now, and he remembers little flashes from the toilets, but mostly between him and Harry. He doesn't remember exactly what was said, but he remembers that Harry had been angry, so he assumes he'd been a dick. He really hopes he hadn't said too much.

"Did I hit anyone?" he asks then, holding up his bruised knuckles.

Zayn shakes his head. "Nah, don't think so. Think you just punched a wall or something. Dunno why. After Harry told us you were in the toilets sloppy drunk and suggested that we take you home, we found you against the wall ready to pass out."

Wait. _Harry_ had told them to take him home? Louis furrows his brows.

"Did he say anything else? About... the toilets?"

Liam shakes his head and tilts his head a bit. "Should he have?"

"No, no, I guess I owe him a thanks or something," Louis shrugs it off. If they don't already know about what happened, he's not going to bring it up. Besides, he isn't even sure what exactly happened himself. He'll just wait to see what Harry has to say when he eventually shows up.

 

Louis finds a flaw in his plan when Harry doesn't show up for the rest of the day. He'd never told any of them that he would, but Louis assumed he'd at least drop by for a bit, like he usually does. Instead, the four of them stay inside and spend the day watching bad television and eventually eating their combined weight in Chinese takeaway. They all end up staying at Liam's place again, in his living room sprawled in different positions on various pieces of furniture.

They don't hear from Harry the next day, or the next, and before he knows it, it's been nearly four days with no word from him. He sends a few texts to the other boys, mostly Niall, who he apparently invites over for something or another. Louis doesn't hear a word. Not that he particularly expects to since it's not like he and Harry are close or anything, or even text regularly, but he knows something is off if he's avoiding hanging with the group as a whole. Louis has a strong feeling it's because of him. And he knows he has to fix it somehow.

On the fourth day, Louis finally sends him a text asking if they can get together to talk, but when two more days go by without a reply from him, he knows he has to choose a different course of action. It's been nearly a week now that Harry's been avoiding him, and Louis can't deny that it's eating away at him. He hates being ignored, especially if he knows he's done something wrong, and he's beginning to feel a little desperate. Especially since things had seemed to be going pretty well before the club incident.

In the days following the night at the club, the details of the night had slowly become more clear; particularly the part where Louis had gotten blown in the toilets by a stranger, before calling out Harry's name while he came. Just the thought makes him want to bang his head against a wall out of embarrassment at himself.

He also remembers a bit more of the argument with Harry, which also makes him want to bang his head against the wall out of embarrassment. Harry probably thinks he's a complete tosser. He honestly wouldn’t blame him, because he feels like one, too.

Which is exactly what leads him to Harry's doorstep on the seventh day. He has no idea if Harry is even there, but he figures it's worth a shot. If he isn't, then Louis will work out a plan B, but he resolves to cross that bridge if he comes to it. He hopes he won’t.

He's nervous as he lifts his hand up to prepare to knock at the door, shifting his weight from foot to foot as he stalls for time and goes through what exactly he’s going to say to Harry when he sees him. After a few moments, he finally lifts a shaking hand up once, twice, then three times, but every time his hand gets close enough to knock, he hesitates before ultimately dropping his hand back down, unable to go through with it. Just as he's mustering up the courage to knock for real, the door swings open in front of him, and a woman with brown hair and bright eyes stands in the doorway, leaving Louis standing there wide-eyed.

She doesn't notice him at first, obviously preparing to head out, but when she finally becomes aware of his presence she gives him a surprised, but kind smile. "Oh! Hello. Can I help you?"

"Er, yeah, possibly. Is Harry home, by chance?" Louis feels more than a bit awkward, but he tries not to let it show as he shifts from foot to foot again.

"He is, actually! Just got in not too long ago. Are you a mate of his?"

Louis pauses at that, before giving her a nod and a small smile.

"Right! Well, I'm his mum, Anne. It's nice to meet you, er—"

"Louis," he introduces, widening his smile a bit now and putting his hand into her extended one and shaking it politely.

"Louis, of course; it's nice to meet you, Louis. Go ahead and come in, then," she says, moving aside so he can come in. He smiles at her and obliges, moving into the entryway as she moves over to the stairway and calls up that Harry has a guest.

"Now I've really got to go, but Harry's upstairs in his bedroom if you want to go up and say hello. I doubt he'll come down right away," she continues as she moves back into the entryway and towards the door. Louis nods and mutters his thanks, giving her a small smile which she reciprocates just before she closes the door behind her.

Louis eyes the route to the stairway for a moment, before hesitantly making his way towards it. He climbs up the stairs slowly, and when he's finally stood in front of Harry's closed door, he gives it a quick knock as his heart starts thumping harder in anticipation.

When he hears a voice telling him to come in, he complies and makes his way inside, quickly closing the door behind him. The room looks almost exactly the same as before, and he spots Harry at the desk chair he had occupied during a portion of his last visit. There's an acoustic guitar leaning against the desk just next to the chair, and a closed notebook sitting on the desk itself, and Louis instantly wants to ask what he'd been doing, but he knows that would be too invasive given their current situation.

Harry's turned the chair to face him and is looking at him expectantly now, obviously choosing not to bother with pleasantries. Louis stands there awkwardly for a second, trying not to gape at how gorgeous Harry looks sitting there. Standing in front of Harry now, he isn't sure if coming over had been the best idea, but he knows he's already in too deep to back out now. He sighs.

"Kind of surprised I caught you here."

Harry gives an eye roll at that. "Yeah, imagine that. Not like I live here or anything."

Louis' not sure how to continue or reply to that, so he decides to change tactics instead. "Haven't seen you in a while."

When Harry just shrugs and gives him a hum of assent, Louis decides to keep going. "I texted you the other day. I, um. I wanted to talk."

Harry looks at him blankly. "Well? You're obviously here now, so if you have something to say, say it."

Right then. He nods and clears his throat as he wipes his palms nervously against his jeans, sucking in a deep breath as he prepares to give the little speech he'd planned in his head. "I just wanted to say... I'm sorry about the other night. I was really fucked, and I don't even remember bits of it, but from what I do remember I was a massive dick, so I'm sorry."

Harry leans back in his chair, staring at Louis as he speaks, and continues to stare even as silence falls between them. As the seconds pass by without a word from Harry, Louis feels a thick tension begin to cover the room, weighing heavy on them and causing Louis to feel stifled by it.

"Do you remember talking to me? The conversation in the loo?" Harry finally breaks the silence, eyeing Louis up as he speaks. Louis almost audibly sighs with relief.

"Um. I don't really remember specifics of the conversation, but I remember we talked, yeah." He looks down as he speaks, feeling a bit embarrassed.

There's a small pause then, before Harry starts again, his expression a bit harder now. "Do you remember practically fucking those two guys on the dance floor?"

Louis gives him a look, but almost immediately softens his expression. He doesn't want to argue on the specifics and make things worse than they already are, so he decides to let it drop. "I vaguely remember some dancing, yeah. I think I remember seeing you while I was out there, too. Sorry about that."

Harry gives him a look that seems to convey that he's not going to forgive Louis so easily. It makes Louis' stomach sink.

"Do you remember getting fucked in the loo?"

"I didn't—" Louis starts automatically, his tone defensive, but he catches himself and pauses, reminding himself that he doesn't want to fight and make things worse. He sighs and looks at Harry sincerely. "Look, I didn't come here to rehash all of my bad decisions, alright? I just want to make sure we're okay. Are we?" He's hesitant towards the end, and the look on Harry's face causes the hopeful feeling he'd had that things might work out in his favor to dissipate just a bit.

Harry leans forward in his chair then, resting his elbows on his knees. "Dunno, Lou. You're the one that said you wanted to be mates, then went and made it seem like you didn't. You tell me."

Louis pauses then, fighting the urge to flinch. He knows that Harry's only speaking the truth, but that doesn't make it sting any less. "And I've said I'm sorry for all that, okay? I don't want things to be all fucked up like this, that's why I'm here. But like, I don't really know what you want, or... what you'd be open to. So what do you want, Harry? Do you even still wanna be mates? Or is this, like, it?" Louis is even more nervous now; now that it's out there and they're finally going to come away with some answers.

There's a long pause then, where Harry leans back in the chair again and just stares at Louis. He stares at him intently, looking him up and down a few times as Louis just stands there under his gaze. He tries to keep his eyes averted at first, but he feels vulnerable under the intensity of Harry's stare, so he finally snaps his eyes back to Harry's to try to gain some insight as to what he might be thinking. Harry instantly locks their eyes, and they stare at each other like that until Louis' nearly forgotten what he had even come for in the first place. He licks his lips as he tries to pull himself back to reality, but that only causes Harry's eyes flick down momentarily to his lips to track the movement before moving right back up to his eyes, and Louis is only sucked into their weird little staring game further.

"You wanna know what I want?" Harry finally says after what feels like ages, their eyes still connected. Louis nods.

Harry stands up from his chair then, moving towards Louis with the finesse of a panther. He doesn't say a word as he circles Louis once, before settling about a foot in front of him.

Louis wants desperately to close the distance between them, feeling that Harry is both too close and too far away from him. He doesn't want to fuck anything up or do something Harry doesn't want, though, so he stays exactly where he is, feeling like his body is frozen to the spot.

Harry is still staring, his eyes moving up and down Louis' frame, slowly now, and Louis is almost trembling from anticipation.

Finally, Harry's eyes settle on Louis', just as he breaks the heavy silence between them. "Do you remember the night you stayed here?"

The question catches Louis off guard. He hadn't expected Harry to ever bring it up again, assuming he considered it water under the bridge. Louis nods, before biting his lip at the memories that are now flooding his brain.

Harry's eyes dart straight down to his lips to follow the action, before he tears his eyes away from him completely, looking down between them for a moment as his lips turn up just slightly and he shakes his head. He licks his own lips then as he flicks his gaze back up to Louis, giving him a look that causes Louis to shiver from its intensity.

Finally, Harry reaches out to grab Louis' wrist and pulls him in, closing the distance between them, and Louis complies without a second thought. Harry ghosts his fingers along both of Louis' arms, before moving to his sides, not saying a word as he keeps his gaze fixed on Louis. Louis closes his eyes, trying to keep his breathing even despite his heart pounding wildly in his chest at the close proximity mixed with Harry's hands on his body.

Before he knows what's happening, Louis feels his body being turned around, his back now to Harry's front, and he can feel Harry's fingers gripping his sides, holding him in place. He opens his eyes when he feels Harry shift towards him, closer and closer, until his mouth is right next to Louis' ear.

"I was fucking furious that night, at the club. Those things you said. When you said someone else made you come because I couldn't. That I wouldn't fuck you because we're mates." He gives a small laugh at that and a shake of his head, before pulling Louis' hips back against him. Louis can feel him now, hard against him, and it takes all of his self control not to let out a gasp as Harry continues speaking. "Do you know how _badly_  I've wanted to fuck you, Louis? It's been fucking torturous, staying away from you. I've wanted you since the very first day. I didn't even know you, didn't _want_ to know you; I wanted you fucking gone, because I knew, I just _knew_  you'd be trouble for me. I couldn't even look at you. It's still so _hard_  for me to look at you, and not want to bend you over and fuck you until you're screaming for me."

Harry lets his words hang in between them for a few seconds, and Louis feels dizzy from the mixture of Harry's words and their bodies pressed so closely together and Harry’s erection pressing against Louis’ backside. Louis can hardly keep himself from pressing back against it, or begging for him to do something, _anything_  to ease the ache he now feels in his own cock.

"Does that answer your question?" Harry's voice is impossibly deep now, still right against his ear, and his words cause Louis to furrow his brows, having momentarily forgotten he'd asked anything at all. When it finally comes back to him a few seconds later, he nods.

"Your turn. What do you want, Louis?"

Louis' name sounds like heaven coming from Harry's mouth, and he feels entirely too overwhelmed to speak. Harry's hands are roaming now, up and down his sides, slowly, stopping at his hips to pull them back against him, before repeating the same process.

Finally, Louis grabs one of Harry's hands and places it against his own erection, which is now straining painfully against his jeans.

"I— I want you, I've wanted you from the first time I saw you, too. Thought you hated me, but I still wanted you. Wanted you to fuck me, wanted you so many ways. Thought about it so much." Louis' voice is raspy with want, his sentences choppy and not nearly as eloquent as Harry's, especially given Harry's hand now rubbing him through the fabric of his jeans.

"What do you think about? What do you want me to do to you? Tell me, Lou." Harry's voice is low and dripping with sex, whispered against his neck now as Harry kisses him there, causing a shiver to run down Louis' spine.

"Want all of you. Everything, anything. Want you inside of me, every position, just want you to fuck me. Want your mouth on me. Mm, and want you to fuck my mouth, too. I just, I don't care, just  _want_  you." Louis can't help but rock back against Harry as he speaks, feeling like he's in a daze of pure need, almost unaware of what he's even saying, just giving Harry anything he asks.

"Fuck," Harry mumbles against Louis' skin just before he bites down roughly, causing Louis to gasp. "That guy, the one from the club... What did he do to you?"

Louis is confused as to why Harry would mention that now, but he's too lost in the moment to do anything but give Harry exactly what he wants. "He blew me. But he got mad... because I called him your name. Probably would've been worse if he knew I imagined you the whole time instead." His voice is low and unsteady at this point, and he hadn't meant to mention the last bit, hadn't ever planned on telling Harry that little piece of information, but it just came out.

Harry freezes for a second upon hearing his admission, before he responds, his voice low and gravelly. "You called him my name?"

Louis nods, feeling a little nervous at that, but he's already let the truth come out, so he feels he might as well keep going. "When I came."

" _Fuck_ , Louis," he groans in response, pushing his hips forward against Louis as he grips Louis' hips, pulling him back into him and grinding against him. Then, he turns Louis around to face him, looking at his face for a second before pulling him in for a rough kiss, crashing their lips together as he moves his hands underneath Louis' shirt.

Louis wastes no time in returning the kiss, but they break apart not long after so Louis can pull his shirt off, just as Harry does the same with his own. They assess each other hungrily for a few seconds, before Harry grabs Louis' sides and maneuvers him towards the bed, pushing him back onto it roughly as soon as the back of Louis' knees hit the mattress.

He instantly climbs on top of him and begins kissing his neck, sucking at his skin and surely leaving marks while Louis lets out gasps and moans underneath him, his hands exploring Harry's upper body.

When Harry moves his lips away from Louis' neck, it's only to trail them down his chest, leaving kisses here and there, and occasionally biting down and muttering against his skin. "Can't believe you said my name, Lou. I wanted to grab you away and fuck you right there, couldn't stand seeing you with them." Louis isn't sure if he means to say any of it out loud, but it only serves to make him want Harry even more, his hands sliding up into Harry's hair and pulling at the strands.

Finally, Harry makes his way down to the waistband of Louis' jeans, and he looks up at Louis for a second, into Louis' eyes that are already locked on him, with Louis now leaning on his elbows to get a better view. He nods, even though Harry hadn't said anything, but that was apparently exactly what Harry was looking for, since he wastes no time in unbuttoning Louis' jeans, his eyes still locked on Louis'. "Gonna make you come, make you feel _so_  good. You want that?"

Louis nods eagerly, sucking his bottom lip into his mouth with his teeth as he stares down at the sight in front of him. He almost sighs with relief when Harry pulls his jeans and briefs down in one go, and Louis kicks them off and to the floor quickly, along with his shoes.

Harry doesn’t hesitate as he takes Louis’ cock in his hand and starts to stroke him slowly, while keeping his eyes on Louis' face to gauge his reaction. Louis closes his eyes and gasps at the contact, his breathing already ragged, and he desperately wants Harry to do something, _anything_.

Before he has a chance to voice his wishes, he feels Harry's tongue swirling around the head of his cock and along the slit, causing his eyes to shoot open and lock on him. He holds his breath as he watches his length disappear inside of Harry's mouth, before letting it out by means of a loud groan when Harry begins moving up and down on him.

Harry's eyes don't drift from Louis' face as he takes him into his mouth over and over again, hitting the back of his throat a few times, and Louis has to strain not to push his hips up to meet him. The sensation of Harry's mouth on him feels unbelievably surreal, and despite how many times Louis has pictured it in his mind, his fantasies hadn't even come close to the actual experience.

After what feels like no time at all, Louis has his head tilted back as Harry's name begins falling from his lips in a chorus of breathy moans over and over again, causing Harry to hum his assent around Louis' cock as he sucks it deep into his mouth. Louis can't help himself as he weaves his fingers into Harry's hair and begins guiding his movements with as light a pressure as he can manage in his current state.

Harry doesn't seem to mind as he continues with the new pace Louis has set for him, a hand now clutching Louis' hip to keep him in place while the other stays wrapped around his base, and is now connecting with his lips on every downward motion.

When Louis finally brings himself to look back down at Harry, he finds his green eyes are still locked on him, his gaze intense as ever, while his mouth slides down on Louis’ cock with purpose and an eagerness that Louis had never expected or anticipated. He lets out a string of curses and encouragements, and Harry practically moans around him, causing him to push Harry's head down further, almost taking him completely in and hitting the back of his throat. This takes Harry by surprise as he sputters and shifts away for a second, but he regains his bearings quickly as he focuses on the tip, sucking it hard and swirling his tongue around the slit inside of his mouth simultaneously. Louis lets out a choked sound at this, as he tugs on a handful of Harry's hair.

Harry pops Louis out of his mouth then, as he slides his tongue and lips down against the length of his shaft, causing Louis to shudder.

"You gonna come for me?" Harry murmurs in a rough, wrecked voice while sliding the head against his lips and moving his hand up and down Louis’ length. Louis nods almost instantly, feeling his cock twitch in Harry's grasp at his words.

Harry gives him a smug and positively filthy smirk, before darting his tongue out to slide along the ridge between the shaft and head, then moving it gently along the vein on the underside. "Where do you want it? In my mouth? On my face? Anywhere you want, tell me."

Louis closes his eyes, trying to ignore the tightening he's already feeling in the pit of his stomach and the sensation of Harry's hands and mouth on him in an attempt to hold on to this feeling for as long as he possibly can. "Your mouth, inside, _fuck_ ," Louis chokes out, tugging on Harry's hair harder now.

Harry sucks in a harsh intake of breath at that and nods, before lowering his mouth down and taking Louis in as far as he can go. Louis lets go of Harry's hair then, not wanting to pull too hard and tangles his hands in the sheets instead, focusing intently on the sensation of Harry's mouth working expertly on his cock.

Louis rocks his hips in time with Harry's movements, unable to stop himself from looking down and admiring the view of Harry's full, pink lips stretched around his cock, letting out gasps and moans of encouragement that seem to only spur Harry on further. It isn't long until Louis groans out a strained warning just before spilling down Harry's throat, with Harry tightening his lips around him as he swallows down as much as he can. Louis rides out his orgasm with his eyes closed, his head thrown back, and Harry's name flowing freely from his lips while Harry's mouth works at him until it all becomes too much and Louis pulls him gently away by the hair.

Louis looks down at him then, locking his half-lidded blues with Harry's hungry greens, and he feels his heart skip a beat at the pure want directed in the gaze. He leans his body forward as he pulls Harry up towards him, Harry complying all too willingly before they crash their lips together, and Louis can taste himself on Harry's mouth as their tongues collide and tangle together in a rough, needy kiss.

Harry's hands roam all over Louis' upper body as their mouths move against each other, before letting his nails scrape against Louis' chest and stomach on his way down to grasp Louis' hands that are resting on Harry's sides to move them down to his crotch where he’s straining against his jeans. It's only then that Louis realizes how much Harry probably wants, _needs_ , a release. It also sends a jolt down Louis’ spine feeling how hard Harry is just from sucking Louis off.

He unbuttons and unzips Harry's jeans as quickly as he can, pulling away from the kiss momentarily so he can focus on the task at hand, causing Harry to move his lips along Louis' jawline and down to his neck. "Need you so bad, Lou. Wanna be so deep inside you," Harry groans against Louis' skin, his hips moving towards Louis' hands to get some much needed friction.

Louis pushes Harry's jeans and briefs down, finally freeing him and causing Harry to sigh audibly as he moves away to push them all the way off into a pile on the floor.

Louis takes this opportunity to push himself back a bit on the bed so he’s resting against the pillows, giving Harry a once over before remembering the preliminaries. "Condom? Lube?" He asks, his voice sounding wrecked already, but he doesn't care and he knows Harry doesn't either as he watches him nod and head for the nightstand just next to his bed. He finds what he's looking for in almost no time at all, and then he's back and crawling next to Louis on the bed.

Louis already has his legs spread, but Harry wastes no time in nudging his knees farther apart and kneeling in between them, looking down at Louis with an appreciation that Louis has never been on the receiving end of before. "Ready?" Harry's voice sounds ragged and so utterly sexy that Louis wants to hear him like this all the time, wants to record it and put it on replay for hours.

When he nods eagerly, Harry tosses the condom next to them on the bed and coats his fingers with lube, before leaning down and covering Louis' lips with his own as he presses a finger teasingly against his hole. Louis squirms a bit in anticipation as Harry slowly works the finger inside, his lips still moving against Louis', obviously trying to get him to relax into it.

It doesn't take long before Harry's able to slide another finger inside, leaving Louis a gasping mess beneath him as he moves his lips down to Louis' jawline and begins to whisper encouragements against his skin. "So good for me, Lou, can't wait to be inside you. Want to feel you, bet you feel so good."

Louis can only give a little whine in response, closing his eyes and pushing back against Harry’s fingers as they fuck into him, pulling them deeper inside. He shivers when Harry starts to scissor his fingers a bit, opening him up even further as he nips and bites at Louis’ neck.

When he's opened him up enough to slide a third finger inside, he pushes them in slow, until they’re all the way up to his second knuckle, then pauses with all three of his thick fingers resting inside of him. Louis huffs at the lack of friction and starts grinding on them, trying to move his hips to fuck himself down on them but Harry rests a hand on his hips to still him. Louis looks at him with wild eyes, confused as he catches the smirk on Harry’s face. “C’mon,” he implores, letting out a little impatient whine.

Harry hums, smirk still in tact, and starts moving his fingers out slowly, before pushing them in at the same leisurely pace. “This what you want?”

Louis shakes his head immediately. “No, no, faster, c’mon.”

“Oh, you want it faster? Don’t like it nice and slow, hmm? You gotta have it fast and hard? That how you like it?” Harry teases as he starts picking up the pace, moving his fingers in and out of Louis a bit faster, but still not quite fast enough.

“Yeah, yes, more,” Louis chokes out, clenching around Harry’s fingers a bit before grinding down against them again, Harry’s hold on his hips loosened now.

Harry gives a pleased little hum in response. “Figured you’d be the type.”

He starts moving his fingers even faster then, spreading them ever so slightly in an attempt to open him up further, preparing him for his thick cock. "You want me, Lou? Want my cock?" Harry asks in a low, gravelly voice, letting out a small groan when Louis nods almost instantly. “Yeah, you want me to fuck you nice and hard, don’t you? Want me to make you feel it, hmm?”

Louis can feel his cock give a little twitch at that, lying half-hard against his stomach now as he licks his lips and listens to Harry's voice, with Harry's fingers still buried deep inside of him, fucking into him fast. “Oh fuck, Harry, yeah, please,” he responds breathlessly, shutting his eyes and arching his back into it, getting himself worked up with how badly he wants it, his cock getting harder in anticipation, despite having just come not long before.

“Tell me how bad you want it,” Harry says, just as he brushes against Louis’ prostate, leaving Louis shuddering and gasping open-mouthed. Harry catches the reaction and rubs against it again, pushing a high-pitched whine from Louis’ lips.

"W-want you so bad, Harry, please, need to feel you, god, I’ve wanted you to fuck me for so long," Louis pleads, giving another little whimper when he feels Harry’s mouth connect with his collarbone, sucking a bruise into the skin. "Harry, fuck, want you now, _please_ ," he adds, feeling a bit desperate now that he’s so close to getting what he’s only dreamt about up until this point.

Harry presses a final kiss to the bruise blooming on Louis’ skin before moving away and nodding. He pulls his fingers out then, causing Louis to give a little noise, tinted with both disappointment at the feeling of being empty and relief at the fact that he’s finally going to get Harry’s cock inside of him.

Harry sits up in between Louis' legs and grabs the foil package next to them on the bed, his eyes glued to Louis’ face as he tears it open with his teeth, before he glances down momentarily to slide the condom expertly over his cock and spread some lube over it.

Louis feels hot under Harry’s gaze as his eyes roam over Louis’ body for a moment while he fists his cock a few times, and he bites down on his lip as Harry spreads his legs wider and rests the head of his cock against Louis' stretched hole. Harry teases his hole a bit, giving both of them a moment to mentally prepare themselves before they’re both taking in a collective inhale of breath as Harry begins to push inside unbearably slowly.

He’s gripping Louis’ hip tight with one hand while the other holds him up, his body hovering over Louis while he pushes inside. It feels like forever before he finally bottoms out, leaving Louis feeling incredibly, deliciously full underneath him.

Harry leans down to connect their lips in a slow, hard kiss, obviously trying to keep his composure while they both get adjusted to the feeling. When he finally breaks away, he leans his head down against the side of Louis', his jaw pressed against Louis' cheek as he pulls out slowly, only to push back in at the same torturous pace.

"So fucking sexy, wanted you so badly, _fuck_ ," Harry chokes out as he pulls out again, before accentuating his last word with a hard, quick thrust, causing Louis to let out a shaky groan.

" _Please_ , Harry," is all he can say in response, his words coming out as a breathless moan, as he wraps his legs around Harry's hips to pull him deeper inside of him. Harry takes the hint and pulls out more quickly this time, before sinking right back inside just after and repeating the motion over and over again.

Finally settling into a nice rhythm, both Harry's and Louis' breathing becomes labored and their mixed groans of pleasure fills the air around them. Louis feels like his entire body is on fire, every nerve ending set ablaze as Harry fills him more completely than he's ever felt before.

Louis' name falls from Harry's lips repeatedly and Louis can't help his hands as they move to Harry's shoulders, his nails digging into the flesh and leaving angry red lines in their wake. Harry hisses and begins thrusting into him harder then, a renewed fervor coursing through him as he grunts and leans down to bite at the skin of Louis' neck.

He grabs onto one of Louis' thighs, pulling it up to give him an even better angle. "So fucking good, you feel so _fucking_  perfect, Lou," Harry growls against Louis' flesh, before pulling away to look down at Louis' face as he pounds into him.

Louis' fingers are still gripping onto Harry's shoulders, before he moves them down Harry’s body to his hips and grips them, sinking his nails in and pulling Harry deeper inside of him with every thrust. His lips form an 'o' shape at the new sensation, his eyes connecting with Harry's as he pants beneath him.

Harry leans down to connect their lips again, but they only kiss for a few seconds before they’re mostly just breathing and moaning against each other’s mouths. Louis can’t help the way Harry’s name falls from his lips, and Harry gives an appreciative little hum as he fucks into him even harder, causing Louis to shiver and gasp underneath him.

“Like that? Hmm? Like the way I fuck you?” Harry murmurs roughly against Louis’ jaw, keeping his unrelenting pace.

“Yes, god yes,” Louis keens almost immediately, digging his fingernails more harshly into the skin of Harry’s hips and scratching his way up his sides before sliding his hands along Harry’s back, causing Harry to grunt and shudder under his touch.

Harry pulls back and slows his pace down a bit, just long enough to grab Louis’ legs and pull them up so his calves are resting on Harry’s shoulders. Once they’re in position, Harry leans over him and practically folds him in half, and Louis can feel his muscles straining just a bit, but he barely notices because the change in angle feels amazing.

Harry starts rocking his hips into him harder, returning to his brutal pace that leaves Louis’ chest heaving as he tilts his head back, relishing in the feeling of Harry’s cock pounding into him and filling him up, leaving him quivering and feeling wild with pleasure. He has his hands on Harry’s sides now, sliding them along his chest and shoulders, unable to stop them from roaming despite the fact that they’re shaking just a bit in his current state.

All of a sudden, Louis is letting out a high-pitched cry, his body jerking and his thighs shaking in Harry’s grasp as his cock brushes right against Louis’ prostate, and Louis’ cock blurts out a big drop of precome as he gulps in a sharp intake of breath. “Right there, Harry, please, don’t stop,” Louis begs, scratching at Harry’s shoulders and squirming underneath him as he tries to get that perfect angle back.

Harry responds by grabbing Louis’ hands and pushing them up above his head, holding them there with one of his own and tangling their fingers together, and Louis shivers and lets out a moan at the fact that he’s now lying underneath Harry completely open and spread out for him, and it really shouldn’t be as hot as it is. In that moment, he feels so completely surrounded by Harry, and he feels so wanted and euphoric he feels delirious with it, content to let Harry take whatever he wants from him.

Harry just keeps ramming into him again and again, tilting his hips in different angles every now and again, drawing out little _ah, ah, ah_ ’s from Louis until he hits that angle again and punches a loud sob from him. He’s practically screaming when Harry keeps that angle, brushing his prostate with nearly every thrust, leaving Louis practically writhing with pleasure beneath him.

“Fuck, you look so good like this,” Harry groans out, and Louis arches his back in response, tightening his grip on Harry’s hand that’s still holding his own hands above his head.

It isn't much longer until Harry's movements become jerky and frantic, and he finally lets out one last, long grunt of Louis' name as he empties himself into the condom while still buried deep inside of him. He rides it out until he slumps down on top of Louis, letting Louis’ legs drop down to his sides, making sure not to crush him underneath his weight as he releases his hold on Louis’ hands to help hold him up. Louis’ eyes are hooded and he feels dazed as he looks up at Harry, his thighs still shaking and trembling where they’re now resting against the sheets, Harry still between them.

They both just lie there basking in the afterglow, their bodies glistening with sweat as they pant and try to catch their breaths. Harry leans down to give Louis one last kiss, just a brush of the lips, as he slowly pulls out of him, before breaking away once he’s fully out and plopping down next to him. Louis lets out a little whine at that, as Harry lies on his side and pulls off the condom, discarding it somewhere to the side of the bed as he continues to come down from his post-coital high.

Louis is left feeling physically empty, while at the same time feeling more full than he has in a very, very long time. He also aches as he feels his now fully hard cock resting heavy against his stomach, but he's feeling far too spent to do anything other than stroke it lazily.

It takes Harry a moment to realize that Louis is hard again, and he gives Louis a tired, but smug smirk at that. "Twice in a row? D'you always have this fast a rebound rate, or is it just me?" he jokes, his breathing still a bit ragged as he moves a hand down to push away Louis' hand that's still moving on himself and replace it with his own.

Louis ignores the question as he pushes his hips up to fuck into Harry's hand, not wanting to admit that, yes, it is just Harry. Harry obviously doesn't expect an answer when he speaks again, his voice right next to Louis' ear now. "Want you to come for me again. You look so fucking hot when you come, Louis."

That's all it takes for Louis as he lets out a strangled moan and comes all over his stomach and Harry's hand. Harry tugs at him a few more times, letting him ride it out until it becomes too much and he lets out a small whimpering noise before Harry's finally letting him go. Louis' eyes are half-lidded as he looks at Harry, just in time to see Harry licking the come off of his fingers, before leaning down and licking it off of Louis' stomach and chest. "Christ," Louis murmurs as he shakes his head in disbelief, a half-smile forming on his lips as Harry connects their eyes and licks his lips as he pulls away, giving him a wicked smirk. He leans back up to press a small peck against Louis' lips before he's flopping onto his back next to him and relaxing into the bed.

Louis closes his eyes as they both lie there in a daze, their uneven breathing the only sound in the room surrounding them. As he lies there, Louis feels a sudden urge to lean into Harry, but despite the fact that they just fucked on Harry's bed, he isn't sure if Harry's the type to cuddle after sex or if he would push him away, so he pushes down the feeling and focuses on his breathing instead.

When he finally musters up the courage to look over at Harry, he finds Harry staring at him with an unreadable expression. Louis is hesitant, but that feeling melts away when Harry leans forward and presses a lingering kiss to Louis' mouth, before pulling him towards his body, until he's lying on his back again with Louis leaning against his side, his head resting on Harry's chest. It takes Louis by surprise, but he goes with it, taking whatever Harry is willing to give and drinking it in greedily while he can.

They lie there like that for what feels like hours, long after their breathing has evened out, until Harry finally breaks the silence. "Never thought that would happen, if'm being honest."

Louis lets out a small laugh that's more an exaggerated exhale of breath than anything. "Me neither. Didn't even know you wanted it, honestly."

Harry inhales deeply, letting out the exhale slowly before he replies. "Didn't really want to want it. It took me by surprise how badly I did, and I hated it, not having control over it, so I tried to ignore it. And well. See how well that turned out." He lets out a small snort accompanied by a shake of his head.

Louis smiles at that, knowing the feeling well. "Yeah. I didn't want to fuck things up, but I couldn't really help but want you. And now, here we are." He shrugs, before burying his face into Harry's shoulder, feeling far too vulnerable at this point, which he knows only leads to a greater risk of rejection.

"Here we are," Harry repeats with a sigh.

They let the silence hang between them then, neither of them wanting to admit to the fact that they need to have a conversation now about their next steps. Louis is the one to eventually break the silence and get the ball rolling, a knot of anxiety forming in his stomach. "So... what now?"

Harry sighs again, and Louis thinks back to their conversation earlier, realizing now that instead of solving the question of where they stand, they've only served to complicate matters even further.

"What do you want? Y'know, from this. From me." Harry asks finally, his hesitance clear in his tone. Louis pulls away from him slightly to look at him, before taking a deep breath. He hasn't really given it much thought, since up until just a couple of hours ago, he'd had no idea that Harry wanted him in any capacity.

"I dunno, really. What are you, uh, willing to give?" Louis feels wary at the question, not sure what kind of answer he's expecting, or even hoping for, for that matter.

Harry lets silence fall between them for a few moments at that, before he shrugs and gestures between their bodies. "Honestly... I don't really have anything to give but this. I told you before, I don't do relationships. I just can't, s'not my thing."

Despite the fact that Louis had guessed he would say as much, he can't help but feel a sting of disappointment unfurling in his chest. He nods his head, trying not to let it show as he mirrors Harry's shrug. "Figured as much. M'not really in a place to want anything serious, anyway."

Harry looks at him for a second, the look in his eyes contemplative and Louis wants so badly to shift his eyes away from it, but he can't bring himself to do so, instead keeping his gaze locked with Harry's.

"Guess we only have two options, then. We can do this," he gestures between them again, "keep it simple, no feelings. Or we can try to move past it and just be mates. Your choice."

Louis stays silent then, mulling over both options in his head over and over again. Both of them seem like too much and not enough all at once. If he's being honest with himself, he knows that if he continues doing this with Harry, he'll get attached. It's an inevitable truth. He doesn't think it would be possible for him to distance his feelings, not when Harry overwhelms his senses so completely and throws him so off-kilter.

But he also knows firsthand how hard it is to try to be just friends with Harry. Now it will only be that much more difficult, with the memories they've made on two separate occasions on the very bed they're still lying on clouding his mind constantly.

He knows what he needs to do, knows which decision will leave him his best chance of coming away from Harry Styles at the end of it all relatively unscathed, but that doesn't make the decision any easier to make. Especially with Harry lying next to him completely naked, and his own body still reeling from Harry's earlier ministrations.

"I don't think I can... do _this_ , I mean. Like, I think it could be better if we were just mates." Louis averts his gaze as he speaks, his tone low and hesitant. He feels like it's more an admission of guilt than anything else, and while he'd known it wouldn't be easy, as soon as it's all out in the open, he feels worse than he initially thought he would.

He buries the feeling as deep down as he can as he chances a look at Harry to gauge his reaction. Harry just looks back at him for a second before he's nodding, taking a deep breath and leaning forward to press his lips to Louis'. Louis is a bit confused at the action, but he doesn't pull away, instead choosing to lean into it and drink it in while he still can.

When they finally pull away, Harry mumbles against his lips, "Still want you." He moves away from him then, putting some distance between them before continuing. "But I get it. The casual sex thing isn't for everyone, just like relationships aren't for everyone. Guess it'll just be mates, then." He looks down at Louis' body wistfully, before looking back up at his eyes and giving an understanding shrug.

Louis nods, licking his lips and still tasting Harry on them, causing him to bite down on his lower lip and inhale deeply. He catches Harry's eyes lingering on his lips then, and Louis has to hold himself back from leaning in and closing the distance between them again. He averts his gaze and curses himself for getting into this situation, realizing now that it's going to be much harder than he initially thought.

He clears his throat when he looks back at Harry, before breaking the tense silence between them. "So, I uh, I think it might be good to have some like, rules or something. Y'know, so we can keep things platonic and all that."

Harry raises an eyebrow, but still gives a nod of assent accompanied by a noncommittal shrug. "Might make things easier, I guess. What're you thinking?"

Louis considers it for a moment, thinking of all the things that Harry does that drive him crazy. The list is long, but he decides to stick with the basics. "No kissing, obviously."

Harry nods and leans in to press their lips together in a chaste kiss, before pulling away and giving him a cheeky little smirk. "Such a shame."

Louis has to take a moment to recover, unable to fight the urge to lick his lips before clearing his throat and focusing his attention on the task at hand. He rolls his eyes and continues, not dignifying Harry's little display with a response. "Limited alone time. Oh, and personal space."

He's a bit relieved when Harry only nods at that.

He pauses then, wracking his brain for more boundaries to instate. "Minimal touching."

Harry moves his hand to Louis' side then, trailing his fingertips along the bare skin and making Louis shiver at the touch. "You don't like it when I touch you?"

Louis gives him a look and grabs his wrist to pull his hand away from him, holding onto it a bit longer than necessary. "You're going to make this hard for me, aren't you?" Louis asks with a shake of his head at Harry's filthy smirk.

"I'll make it hard for you whenever you want," he replies suggestively, moving to crowd Louis' space and pepper kisses along the skin of his neck. Louis quivers at the sensation, letting it go on for a few seconds longer than necessary before he's pushing Harry by the chest and letting out a muttered, " _Christ_ , Harry."

"Alright, alright. I'm only messing with you. Anything else?" Harry's smirk is still present on his lips, but it's tinted with amusement now. At least one of them thinks it's funny. Louis is just flustered.

"The look," Louis finally continues.

"Seriously? Are you really saying I can't even _look_  at you?" Harry asks incredulously, but there’s still a hint of amusement there.

Louis gives him an exasperated sigh. "Of course you can look at me, you dolt. I'm talking about _the look_. That intense staring thing you do sometimes."

Harry raises his eyebrows at that, before nodding, his expression still amused. "Right, okay. I'll try not to _intensely stare_  at you, then." Despite the amusement, Louis can spot something just behind his eyes that's unreadable. He wishes he could read his mind to find out what it is.

When he finally tears his gaze away from Harry's face, his eyes flick down to Harry's naked form, and he realizes an obvious one. "Oh, no nakedness either."

He gets up from the bed then to collect his own clothes, hoping that Harry will soon follow suit. He isn't disappointed when he turns around fully clothed to find Harry sitting on the edge of the bed covered by his briefs. It's a start, anyway.

"I quite like being naked, y'know."

Louis can't help but give an amused eyebrow raise at that, trying to fight a smile and failing. "I'm sure you do."

Harry returns his smile as he stands up and pulls on his jeans, and it makes Louis' heart rate pick up a bit.

Louis feels red flags going up at that, taking that as his cue to leave. He clears his throat. "Guess I'd better be off, then. Thanks for the, er, _talk_."

Harry's smile widens and turns mischievous as he hums in response and gives him a little nod. Louis can only watch as he closes the distance between them, bringing his hands up to Louis' waist and pulling him in close, their faces just centimeters away from each other. Harry is the one to close the gap, pressing a lingering kiss to Louis' lips that Louis is powerless to resist, opening up when Harry licks at the seam of his mouth.

They kiss lazily for a few moments, before Harry finally pulls back. "Really good talk," he says with a glint in his eyes. He looks like he has something else to add, but if he does, he doesn't vocalize it. Louis is almost grateful for that.

Louis just nods dumbly and takes a step back, still reeling from the kiss. They say their goodbyes then, and he ignores Harry's parting comment about the two of them being even now, giving a flick of his wrist just before he closes the door behind him. As he makes his way out of Harry's house and into the fresh air outside, he feels a bittersweet feeling settling in the pit of his stomach.

Harry Styles will surely be the death of him.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and here's where things start getting reeeeally interesting. as always, thanks for sticking with me, and the next chapter should be up within the next week!
> 
> i've created tags on my blog for this fic, so if you're interested in seeing some extra stuff (visuals, relevant quotes, playlist), [go here](http://laddybropals.tumblr.com/tntly)! i update it regularly, so if you need a tntly fix while you're waiting for an update, you can always check that out.
> 
> if you have any questions, or just wanna chat, find me on tumblr at [laddybropals](http://laddybropals.tumblr.com), or hit me up on twitter @laddybropals
> 
> kudos/comments are always appreciated :)


	6. VI

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm so sorry this took forever, i've been soooo busy it's insane, but here's an update!
> 
> as always, a huge thank you goes out to [lena](http://donacster.tumblr.com/) for helping with this and giving wonderful feedback.
> 
> chapter warnings: recreational drug use, frotting

The next day, Niall comes over to pick Louis up, with Zayn already in tow, and they all head over to Liam's place. Louis is still unsure about his feelings after the previous day's events, so it's a welcome distraction. He doesn't really expect Harry to be there, so he hopes to use this time with the rest of the lads to get his mind off of anything Harry-related for the time being.

However, much to Louis’ surprise, the first thing he sees as soon as he enters Liam’s living room is Harry—already there and lounging on the sofa while watching a film with Liam. As soon as Louis' eyes settle on him, his eyebrows shoot up and he stops dead in his tracks, caught completely off guard. He had _not_  expected to see him so soon.

He quickly snaps himself out of it when he feels Zayn running into him from behind, letting out a low ‘oof’, obviously not having expected Louis to stop moving so abruptly. He clears his throat and mumbles an apology to Zayn, before wiping his face as blank as he can manage and making his way into the room. He keeps his voice as steady and unaffected as possible when he greets the two waiting boys.

While everyone is exchanging pleasantries and settling in, Louis makes it a point to keep his gaze away from Harry as much as possible, choosing the farthest seat away from him and only giving him a casual nod in greeting. He can still feel a dull ache in his body from their tryst the day before, and the memories flashing to the forefront of his mind make him blush. He dips his head low and busies himself with adjusting his beanie to hide his now flushed cheeks, as he tries to ignore the the weight of Harry's gaze that’s fixed intently on him.

He clears his throat and looks over at Harry, giving him a look and a shake of the head, who in return only flashes him a knowing grin before looking away. He sighs and fights the urge to roll his eyes, before averting his gaze to Zayn, who had obviously just caught the exchange and is now looking at him with a raised brow.

Zayn is the only one out of the group that Louis had confided in about what had gone on with Harry at the club, and therefore is the only one who’s aware that something has been amiss between the two of them since. And it's obvious now, given Harry's reaction to him, that whatever problems they'd had have been resolved somehow, and he can tell by the look on his face that Zayn is curious as to how they'd gotten to that point. He shoots Zayn a look and an almost imperceptible shake of the head—his way of letting him know he'll explain later. Zayn seems pleased with this, and averts his attention to Niall, who is now in the middle of telling some story relating to the movie that's playing on the flat screen opposite them.

Louis spends the next hour and a half trying his hardest to stay involved in whatever conversation is going on at any given time, while simultaneously having as little interaction with Harry as possible. This proves difficult, however, since Harry has obviously made it his personal mission to talk and interact with Louis as much as possible. When they all head outside to the back patio to smoke, Harry even takes the seat next to Louis' and casually scoots it over a bit so it's even closer as he's sitting down. Louis is less than pleased, although he can't help the rush that shoots down his spine at the thought of Harry wanting to be closer to him. He instantly curses himself for even entertaining the thought.

When Harry asks Louis to do a blowback with him, Louis reluctantly agrees, only because he doesn't want to seem rude. Definitely not because he wants to be close to Harry. That's the opposite of what he wants right now.

Still, he feels a knot of anticipation settling deep in his gut just at the thought. It's not as if he hasn't done this with any of the other boys; he and Zayn used to do it all the time, in fact, and he's witnessed the other boys do it multiple times as well—but this is different. Everything feels different with Harry.

Liam and Niall aren't paying much attention to them, too wrapped up in their own conversation, but Louis can feel Zayn's gaze locked on them, studying them closely, and that alone causes him to be hyperaware of his movements. Harry doesn't waste any time as he closes most of the distance between them, so when Louis leans forward to get closer, he doesn't have to lean very far.

He hesitantly reaches his hand up to cup it around one side of their mouths, while Harry does the same with his, and moves his free hand to the side of Louis' neck. It's a gesture that's meant to keep him in place, but it still sends shivers rippling through him as he connects his eyes with Harry's, and suddenly everything about it feels much more intimate than initially expected.

Louis brings the joint up between them and wraps his lips around the end, trying to keep his movements as steady as possible. As he inhales, he keeps his eyes locked on Harry's, gaze never relenting as he holds the smoke in for a second, then exhales a steady stream of smoke into Harry's mouth. Harry keeps his position as he inhales it, and continues as he lets it back out, keeping his hand on Louis' neck to hold him in place as well. Afterwards, he gives Louis a little nod and flicks his gaze quickly down towards the joint still in Louis' hand and back up, which Louis takes as a sign he wants to switch this time.

When Louis hands it over to Harry, he takes his hand away from Louis' neck to grab it, brushing their fingers together as he attempts to get a grip on it. Louis can't help himself as his free hand drifts down to hold Harry in place the same way that Harry had just done to him. As they repeat the process, the second time is just as tension-filled as the first, with their eyes locked together the same way, and Louis can see something swimming in Harry's eyes that he's not sure he wants to decipher.

When they finally pull away and Harry passes off to Niall, Louis feels like he's stuck in a nebulous haze. As hard as he tries to convince himself it's just the drugs, he doesn't get very far with his thoughts all starting and ending with _HarryHarryHarry_.

When his eyes finally connect with Zayn's, he tries to snap himself out of it, simply shrugging at Zayn's heavy, curious gaze. He's mostly shot back down to reality then, but he doesn't let it ruin his high, nor does that keep him from stealing glances at Harry from time to time as they continue smoking, with Harry glancing back more often than not.

 

About an hour later, they all strip down to their underwear and jump into Liam's jacuzzi. Louis is too worried about seeing Harry half naked again to remember that he has love bites littered all over his upper body, until Niall mentions it just after they've all climbed in.

"Christ, Lou, you trying to make a fashion statement or something?"

Louis raises an eyebrow in curiosity and confusion, noting the amused looks on all of their faces before settling on the mischievous glint in Harry's eyes. He immediately looks down at himself then, seeing Harry's handiwork clearly visible for all to see. He mentally curses himself and tries his best to not seem as flustered as he feels.

He shrugs as nonchalantly as he can manage. "Suppose you could say that."

"S'alot of marks, mate. Someone really wanted to make a point, didn't they?" Liam muses.

"Kind of impressive, I think," Harry adds, giving Louis a devilish smirk while the rest of them hum or nod their agreement. Louis can feel a blush creeping up and rolls his eyes at him.

Of course, Zayn catches the exchange and Louis can see the second that something clicks behind his eyes, and the thoughtful look that spreads across his face. Louis can barely resist the urge to facepalm. It's not that he doesn't want Zayn to know; he'd just wanted to be the one to tell him on his own terms. It isn't exactly the easiest situation to explain—or even comprehend, in Louis' opinion—so he'd wanted the opportunity to sort everything out before he told anyone anything. Too late for that now, though. He sighs internally at the thought.

Thankfully, there are only a few more teasing remarks after that, mostly from Niall and Harry, before the conversation shifts into more comfortable territory, and Liam begins effectively distracting Zayn with kisses and cuddles and whispered nothings in Zayn's ear. No one's really sure why, but they've gotten much more affectionate lately, and frankly, it's bloody adorable, if not utterly sickening. Louis is sure to get cavities just looking at the two of them fawning over each other.

He shifts his gaze away just in time to catch Harry playfully lunging at Niall, probably after something he'd said that Louis didn't catch. They mess about for a moment, playfully shoving and catching each other in headlocks and twisting nipples, before Harry finally surrenders and resigns himself to sit down in Niall's old spot. Which just so happens to be located right next to Louis.

Niall just moves to Harry's old spot across the jacuzzi next to where Liam and Zayn are entwined without a second thought, and almost instantly engages in a new conversation with the lovebirds. With the three of them distracted, Louis can't help but notice Harry eyeing him, looking down at his marked up chest before giving him a positively filthy smirk.

Louis rolls his eyes, trying to ignore the burning ball of desire building up in the pit of his stomach. "You quite pleased with yourself, then?" he whispers just loud enough for Harry to hear.

"M'quite proud of my work, yeah," Harry replies with a shrug and a self-satisfied smile, his eyes glinting with amusement.

Louis shakes his head and purses his lips, trying for stern. "You’re having so much fun with this, aren’t you? Winding me up? You getting off on it or something?" Louis is far too flustered to be properly annoyed, but he can certainly try.

Harry leans closer then, his smile widening as he eyes Louis up and down. "Oh, am I winding you up, then? Well, if you've changed your mind..."

Louis pauses, letting out a frustrated huff of air before pushing at Harry's arm lightly. "We have rules, you know. Remember those?"

"Haven't broken any of them." Harry seems particularly pleased with himself at this. Louis wracks his brain trying to think if he's actually broken any of them. As far as he can remember, he hasn't. At least not explicitly. Louis only huffs again.

"Well, we're supposed to be _mates_. You're acting like you've fucked me."

"I _have_  fucked you," Harry deadpans. "Just yesterday, in case you don't remember. Though I'm not sure how you couldn't." He spares a pointed glance to Louis' upper body for emphasis.

Louis shifts a cursory glance to the rest of the boys, who thankfully are still too wrapped up in their own conversation to pay attention to Louis and Harry’s hushed one. "Well, you're making it really... hard, for me to..." He stops himself then, not wanting to admit out loud just how much Harry affects him. Judging by the look in Harry's eyes, though, he already has an idea.

Harry moves closer then, close enough to whisper in Louis' ear, low and filthy. "How _hard_  am I making it, Lou? You wanna know how hard you're making me? I could show you right now, if you want."

Louis' heart skips a beat at Harry's words and he feels a rush of arousal flowing through his entire body, before heading straight to his rapidly hardening cock. He takes a few steadying breaths, trying to calm himself down as he attempts to think of a suitable response that isn’t ‘ _yes please fucking take me_ ’.

"I..." He's caught in a daze, unable to speak while his brain is stuck on _HarryHarryHarry_  again.

Finally, he snaps himself out of it when he hears Niall laughing loudly at something, his mind crashing back down to reality, suddenly aware of their surroundings. He clears his throat and backs away from Harry just a bit.

After taking a few seconds to remind himself _why_  exactly fucking Harry again is such a bad idea, he turns to the boy in question and gives him a half-reprimanding, half-pleading look. "Harry, we talked about this. I want to fuck you again, believe me, I do, but... we just, we need to be mates. Just mates. I don't want to fuck this up. And if we keep fucking, it's gonna get fucked up."

Harry heaves a sigh, before nodding. "I know, I know. I get it, I do. Sorry. It's just a bit difficult to look at you and not think about fucking you, or hearing you moan for me, or the way you look all marked up. Not to mention your come face." He smirks during the last bit, which only causes Louis to roll his eyes, playfully this time, as he fights a smile.

"Well, try to reign it in, alright? We're mates. We have rules. We have the lads to think about." He looks over to the other boys for emphasis before continuing. "Let's not make it weird, yeah?" As he looks at Harry then, he briefly wonders when exactly he became the one with more self-control out of the two of them.

Harry only nods and shrugs. "Alright, yeah. No, yeah, you're right. Absolutely. I'm bad at following rules, though, in case you haven't noticed. Y'might have to keep an eye on me."

Louis wants to roll his eyes at Harry's obvious flirting, and _fuck_  if he isn't a charming little shit. "Right, well, I think you'll be fine. Just try to follow the rules, yeah? I'll call you out if you slip up. And... try not to think of my come face."

"Wanna see it again," Harry mutters in reply while leaning closer and drinking Louis in with a hungry gaze. He catches himself when Louis shoots him a warning look, causing him to move back and put his hands up in surrender. "Sorry, sorry. Mates, right. I'll try. I really will."

"I'm watching you, Styles." Louis narrows his eyes at him skeptically, taking in the barely there smirk that’s spread across Harry’s face.

"I'm sure you are." Harry winks at him, still flirting unabashedly.

Louis sighs at him in response, exasperated. "No flirting!"

"That's not a rule," Harry retorts, his smirk widening.

"Well, it is now."

"No promises," Harry sing-songs at him, before just narrowly dodging a slap to his arm.

The boys look over then, and Harry easily sets about distracting them, asking Niall about something or another. Louis decides not to join in, content to just sit around and pretend to listen, his mind still reeling from his conversation with Harry.

Harry wants to fuck him, but Louis said no, because they're mates. He's still half-hard, trying to convince himself of all of the reasons why turning Harry down was a good idea. If he were more careless and reckless, he’d probably be getting an earth-shattering blow job from Harry right now.

While he’s frustrated with Harry right now for not letting it go, he’s also frustrated with himself. Why does he have to bring feelings into everything? He's aware that if he doesn't nip this in the bud now, there will definitely end up being feelings involved, because he doesn’t do unattached very well and he never has. And well, bringing feelings into this thing with Harry wouldn't be good for anyone. Especially Louis.

 

Harry only stays a few hours after that before bailing for some reason or another that Louis doesn’t catch, but the rest of the lads end up staying the night. The next day is relatively normal, but with no sign of Harry in sight. While this doesn't exactly surprise Louis, he still finds himself equal parts disappointed and relieved.

His relief is short-lived, however, when Harry decides to show up every day for the next three days. Not only does he show up, but he seems to make it his personal mission to make being just friends with him as difficult for Louis as possible. He takes any and every opportunity to tease Louis, flirt with him, and generally be as close to him as possible without actually explicitly breaking the rules they’d agreed upon. There are a few indiscretions, of course (including a couple of times where he almost kisses him), which Louis is quick to point out and properly scold him for. Harry is mindful not to cross the line too much, though, which to Louis is almost just as troubling as if he were to actually break them outright. Harry is going through so much trouble _not_  to break the rules, but he's still affecting Louis just as much, if not more, and he knows it. Louis finds himself almost constantly wanting to jump on him and throttle him all at the same time.

On the fifth day, Harry finally cracks.

They're all at Liam’s place, having a proper lad’s night in with movies and pizza and more popcorn than they really know what to do with. Liam and Zayn are sprawled out together on the big sofa, paying more attention to each other than to the actual movie, while Niall takes the single, leaving Louis and Harry to share the loveseat.

At this revelation, Louis almost decides to let Harry take the loveseat by himself while he perches on the floor instead, but he ultimately decides against it, since he doesn’t want to seem petty. And besides, sitting on the floor for hours is never comfortable, nor ideal, and he doesn’t think his poor arse could handle it.

After they put the movie in—the classic _Dude, Where’s My Car?_ , per Niall’s request—Louis settles in on the couch, sitting as far away from Harry as he possibly can. He tries to make it look casual, like he just wants his space, rather than the fact that he can’t handle being in such close proximity to Harry because he has a hard time focusing on anything else when the boy is so close.

Harry seems to take mercy on him at first, sticking to his side of the sofa and seeming to focus on the movie, a bowl of popcorn wedged between them, which brings Louis a certain degree of comfort. However, as the movie progresses, Harry gradually inches towards him, even going so far as to pick the bowl up and set it in his lap so that Louis has to lean over towards him and reach into his lap to grab some.

At first, Louis resigns himself to the fact that he'll have to go popcorn-less for the rest of the movie, but after about 10 minutes, he decides he really wants some, and he's not going to let Harry’s little games get in the way of that. When he leans over to grab some, though, his hand collides with Harry’s in the bowl, both of them going for a handful at the same time. Louis instantly moves to bring his hand back, but he freezes when he feels Harry’s fingers skimming his, then the feeling of his fingertips brushing along the back of Louis’ hand. When Louis glances over to look at Harry’s face, his eyes are trained on the television. The only thing that gives him away is the barely there smirk that's present on his lips, and Louis isn’t sure if he wants to kiss it off or smack it off, but it definitely makes him want to do _something_.

Finally, after a few seconds, he finally pulls his hand away from the bowl as if he’s been burned, and gives a slightly flustered huff. Without a word, he gets up from the sofa and starts heading out of the room. He responds to Niall’s distracted shout of ‘Where ya goin’, Lou? Mind bringing me a coke back?’ with a mumbled, “To the toilet. Sure, be back in a sec.”

He goes straight for the nearest restroom, half expecting Harry to come knocking on the door any second, but no one comes the entire three minutes he stays locked up in the loo, splashing water on his face and trying to convince himself that he _can_  be just friends with Harry.

Being friends with Harry is actually nice a lot of the time, he has to admit. He’s even grown used to Harry’s mood swings, having already learned when to leave him alone and when it's okay to talk. And when Harry isn’t trying his best to set Louis off-kilter, he's actually a very interesting conversationalist. It only gets complicated when Harry constantly tries to seduce Louis, apparently.

Well, that's not entirely true. Even when he hadn’t been trying so hard, Louis was still just a bit captivated by Harry, but he knows he’d be able to keep it under control if Harry would just _let up_. At least, that’s what he tells himself.

Once he's calmed himself down a bit, he makes his way out of the restroom and towards the kitchen, grabbing them all cokes and bringing them back to the main room, where the rest of the boys are still relatively in the same positions as before. Well, all except for Harry, who apparently had taken it upon himself to spread out further, leaving hardly any room for Louis to sit comfortably without some part of Harry pressing up against him.

Louis tries to push down his exasperation at the situation as a whole as he passes out the drinks, before warily sitting down in his previously vacated position. Once he's seated, Harry brings it upon himself to scoot even closer to him, their thighs now pressed together, and Harry’s arm practically slung around him. Louis wants to push him off, shove him to the other side, but he doesn’t want the other boys to notice anything.

Instead, he just ignores Harry the best he can, which actually works for a couple of minutes. Until Harry decides to get a little more daring, and places a hand on Louis’ thigh. Louis wants to shake his head and roll his eyes, but he's resolved to ignore him, and that’s what he's going to do. He also ignores the way his heart beats just a little bit harder in his chest at Harry’s touch.

Harry just leaves his hand there, stroking his fingertips slowly up and down, then rubbing in small circles, which makes it incredibly hard for Louis to simply ignore him. Especially when Louis looks down and takes note of how gorgeous his hand looks lying on Louis’ leg, his thick rings glinting where they're perched on his first and middle fingers. The fingers are long and slender, splayed casually across the top of his jeans, applying just enough pressure to drive Louis crazy. God, even his _hands_  are attractive. It’s just not fair.

Finally, Louis decides he can’t take it anymore, so he leans in to whisper harshly in Harry’s ear, “Minimal touching, remember?” He places his hand on top of Harry’s, so as to push it off of his thigh, but Harry takes his own hand off instead, but only to instantly put it right back on top of Louis’ hand.

“Come back to one of the guest rooms with me,” Harry whispers back, his lips a barely there pressure against the shell of Louis’ ear. Louis shudders slightly at the contact, only just managing to suppress a groan at the sound of Harry’s voice, low and raspy and wanting.

Louis just shakes his head. “That’s not a good idea.” His voice is still hushed, which helps to hide the slight waver in it.

“It is, though. It’s _such_  a good idea. Just look what you do to me,” Harry replies, sounding so tempting while he grabs Louis’ hand and slowly moves it to his crotch, holding it loosely enough that Louis could pull away at any second. He doesn't. He does, however, instantly look around at the other boys—his eyes widening as Harry presses his hand into what is obviously a rapidly growing erection—but thankfully none of the other boys are paying attention to what they're doing. Louis closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, trying yet again to remind himself why this is such a bad idea, especially when he wants so much.

When Harry starts moving their hands purposefully on his crotch and asking him, yet again, to go to one of the guest bedrooms with him, Louis finally gets enough of a grip on himself to pull his hand away. He stands up from the sofa almost too fast, instantly drawing attention from the other boys, who all look at him with questioning expressions.

“Who wants more snacks? I think I want something sweet. I’m gonna go to the kitchen and find something,” he announces to the room in a high, rushed voice that sounds odd coming from his mouth. The other boys don't seem to notice, though, all just shrugging and nodding, with only Niall requesting for him to bring him back something as well.

Louis nearly screams in frustration when he hears Harry’s response of “I’ll come too,” when he's already in the doorway leading out of the room, but his only outward reaction is to speed up his pace as he makes his way quickly towards the kitchen. When he gets there, he leans against one of the counters, trying to compose himself before Harry inevitably arrives.

There isn’t much time at all between his arrival and Harry’s, far too little time for Louis to truly gather his thoughts, and before he knows it, he's being turned around and Harry is crowding into his space. Before he really has time to register what's happening, Harry’s pushing him against the counter and caging him in with his arms, leaving Louis gaping at him, unable to form coherent thoughts, let alone say something in protest.

Harry sighs and presses up against him, leaning his forehead against Louis’. Louis brings his hands up to Harry’s chest, originally in an attempt to push him away, but he keeps his hands there for a few seconds as he takes a deep breath in.

“Come with me,” Harry breathes, his face close to Louis’ as he pushes his hips forward against him.

Louis gives a whine in response, closing his eyes as he reminds himself over and over in his head that this is a bad idea. Part of his brain chants to push Harry away immediately, but the other part is warring to pull him closer, and Louis is stuck between what he wants and what is best for him, yet again.

“We shouldn’t,” he reminds Harry, his resolve wavering. He counteracts his words by sliding his hands down to Harry’s abs, clutching onto the fabric of Harry’s shirt there to keep him in place.

“I know,” Harry responds breathlessly, his lips ghosting along Louis’ jaw now, his words sounding a bit muffled against the skin.

Louis can feel all of his resistance fading away the longer Harry touches him, and he can’t seem to remember any of the many reasons he’d had as to why he and Harry shouldn’t do this, when Harry’s lips on his skin feels so _right_. So he doesn’t respond, instead just leaning his head to the side to give Harry more room to explore his skin with his mouth.

Harry doesn’t waste any time before attaching his lips to the skin of Louis’ neck, kissing and sucking and biting at the skin hungrily, leaving Louis a gasping mess under his ministrations. Louis winds his arms around Harry’s neck, burying one hand into the curls at the nape of Harry’s neck while the other grasps at Harry’s broad shoulders.

Louis lets out a little moan when Harry sucks on a particularly sensitive spot on his neck, just behind his ear, and Harry gives a little hum in response as he thrusts his hips forward, grinding against Louis’. This only causes Louis to let out another moan, accompanied by a full-body shudder that he knows Harry can feel if the way he smirks against his skin is any indication.

That causes Louis to tug on Harry’s hair in retaliation, which he doesn’t expect will be met with much of a reaction, but he’s pleasantly surprised when Harry’s hips jerk against his while he bites down harder on Louis’ neck. Harry’s hands fly to Louis’ hips then, before sliding down to his thighs and gripping underneath them, and before Louis really knows what’s happening, he’s being lifted up onto the counter. He lets out a little noise of surprise when he realizes what’s happening, but it’s quickly silenced by Harry’s lips connecting with his as soon as he’s settled on the counter.

Without any second thoughts, Louis eagerly returns the kiss, letting his instincts take over as he wraps his legs around Harry’s waist. Harry’s hands immediately move to grip at Louis’ hips as their lips move together, but it isn’t long before Louis feels them moving to his ass, holding the fabric-covered flesh in his big hands and kneading it as he presses his lips insistently against Louis’.

The second Louis feels Harry’s tongue on his bottom lip, he immediately opens up for him, allowing him to lick hotly into Louis’ mouth. Louis welcomes it completely, constantly going between sucking on Harry’s tongue and laving at it with his own, both of them kissing and pawing at one another frantically, like they can’t get enough of each other.

When Louis starts sucking on Harry’s bottom lip, Harry responds by grinding his hips against Louis’, which only causes Louis to let out a low hum of encouragement before tugging on Harry’s bottom lip as he lets it go.

“Harry,” Louis whines as Harry continues to grind against him, causing Louis to fall even further into the haze of Harry-induced lust he’s found himself in.

“Fuck, Lou,” Harry groans in a low voice as he kisses along Louis’ jaw. “Want you so bad. Let’s go to one of the guest rooms, c’mon.”

Louis only nods mindlessly, too caught up in everything to give it any proper thought.

Harry presses one last kiss to his lips before pulling away and picking Louis up off of the counter, dropping his legs and lowering him to the ground so he can stand on his own. He sways a bit, but quickly catches his balance, though that’s mostly due to the fact that he’s now leaning most of his body weight onto Harry.

He allows Harry to take his hand and lead them out of the kitchen and upstairs towards the nearest guest bedroom they can find. Louis is still buzzing from Harry’s touch during the short trip, and he’s relieved when the door finally clicks shut behind them, leaving the two of them completely alone at last.

At the realization that they’re truly alone, Louis’ doubts start coming back to him, but he doesn’t have much time to dwell on that before Harry’s dragging him over to the bed and gently pushing him down onto it.

Harry only gives Louis enough time to move up the bed a bit before he’s right there, hovering over him and covering Louis’ body with his own. As soon as Harry connects their lips again, any thoughts of doubts are pushed out of his mind again and instead he’s pulling Harry closer and wrapping his arms around him as he opens his legs to allow Harry to settle between them.

They kiss heatedly for a few minutes, their hips aligned and grinding slowly against each other, before Harry’s pulling away just far enough to pull at Louis’ shirt. Louis doesn’t hesitate before he’s lifting his upper body up enough to allow Harry to pull his shirt off, his arms lifting up to help him. As soon as his shirt is thrown to the side, Louis’ hands immediately move to pull at the hem of Harry’s shirt, and they both quickly pull it off together, leaving both of them shirtless and wanting.

They repeat the same process with their jeans, taking Louis’ off first before making quick work of Harry’s, and then they’re both in their briefs, with their hard cocks tenting the fabric.

Harry is hovering over him with his forearms resting on either side of Louis’ head, his muscles straining as he shifts to align their hips again. They both groan in unison when he rocks down and slides their cocks together, only two thin layers of fabric separating them now.

Louis slides his hands along Harry’s sides, feeling the hot, bare skin under his fingertips as he opens his legs wider and pushes his own hips up to meet Harry’s as the curly haired boy continues to grind down against him. He feels practically dizzy with desire, the friction getting the best of him, and before he even realizes he’s doing it, Louis is surging forward and connecting their lips in a searing kiss as they move together.

The kiss is heated from the start; the two of them opening up for each other immediately and licking into each other’s mouths, and Louis feels like he just can’t get enough. He wants Harry even closer, as close as he can possibly be, which causes him to slide a hand down to Harry’s ass, gripping onto it and pulling him against him harder while his other hand slides into Harry’s hair, pulling at the silky strands roughly and causing Harry to groan into his mouth.

They’re both so lost in the moment that they don’t hear the door opening.

“Shit, fucking Christ! Sorry, I was sent to find you, but um, yeah, sorry!”

At the sound of someone else’s voice in the room, Louis and Harry both abruptly pull away from the kiss to turn towards the door, just catching Zayn’s wide-eyed stare before he’s exiting the room as quickly as possible, leaving the two of them staring at the door open-mouthed and at a loss for words.

Harry is the first to snap out of it, letting out a low chuckle that breaks Louis out of his shocked state and into a clearer state of mind, with the reality of the situation finally dawning on him. His head immediately drops down onto the bed and he closes his eyes, trying to figure out how the fuck he ended up here. “Oh, fuck.”

“That’s the plan,” Harry replies, his smirk evident in his voice as he leans down to connect his lips to Louis’ neck. Louis sinks his teeth into his bottom lip at the feeling, trying not to let himself enjoy it too much, but failing. He lets out a moan when Harry grinds down against him again, both of them still very much hard despite the interruption, but Louis has just enough willpower now to at least attempt to stop them from going down this road again.

“W-wait, Harry,” he protests shakily, and Harry stops kissing his neck just long enough to hum against the heated, flushed skin.

“Um. Maybe we should get back.” His voice is still anything but steady, but he figures it’s a miracle he was even able to say it at all.

“No, no, c’mon, let’s just get off first, m’so hard,” Harry replies breathlessly, and continues as soon as he feels Louis is about to protest again. “Lou, nobody will come back here again now that he’s found us like that. We can do this. I want you.” As he speaks, Louis can feel his plush lips sliding along his overheated skin, making their way up his jawline and finally to Louis’ mouth, where he presses a lingering kiss as soon as the words are out.

Louis is powerless but to kiss back, but as soon as the kiss is over, he stares up at Harry as his words replay in his head. _I want you._

He lets silence fall between them for a few seconds, so close to giving in before he realizes that those exact words are what he secretly wants to hear, but not just in this situation. And while he knows that yes, Harry wants him, it’s not in the way that Louis craves, and it’s only temporary. He wants Louis’ body, he wants to fuck him, but he doesn’t want _him_. Why Harry is trying so hard to have him, Louis is still not sure. Maybe he just wants him because he can’t have him. Maybe it's the chase. Whatever it is, he doesn’t want to give in and find out and have things end up being even more fucked up and complicated than they already are.

Harry is back to kissing along his jawline, taking Louis’ silence as permission to keep going, and Louis has to take a deep, shaky breath in before he’s pushing Harry away and sitting up in front of him.

“Yeah, you want me, Harry, but you just want me for tonight. And this just… nothing good can come from this. If we keep going on like this, we’ll have to go through this whole thing again and again, and keep coming up with the same conclusion,” Louis sighs.

Harry shakes his head almost immediately. “It's not just tonight, Louis. I want you all the time. I can’t… it won’t go away.”

Louis wants to roll his eyes, but he can't bring himself to, instead just pushing a little on Harry’s chest, gaining a little more room between them, but not much. He can barely bring himself take his hands away from Harry's chest, but he eventually does.

“Yeah, okay, you want me. But so, what? Are we just going to fuck all the time? What about after, when one of us ends up wanting more?” Louis hates being the voice of reason, especially when his voice is so unsteady, but it has to be said. If he lets this happen, he knows it will end in disaster. Harry might be willing to take that risk, but Louis isn’t. Especially since Louis is the one who will get the brunt of it, he's absolutely sure.

“That won’t happen. We’ll… we’ll set rules, like with this. We’ll keep it casual, no feelings. It’ll be fine.”

Louis does roll his eyes now at Harry’s rationalizing. “It’s going to get messy no matter what. It might be fine for a while, but those kind of things _always_  get messy.”

Harry makes a sound that sounds like a mix between a whine and a groan. “Then let’s just have tonight. Just tonight. We’re already here, let’s just have this. Please.”

Louis wants to pull at his hair and shout his frustrations. He wants to give in, he does. So fucking badly. They’re both still so hard, and it’d be incredibly easy to just pick back up where they left off. But the rational part of himself—the part that's wired to keep him away from situations that will ultimately cause him to become hurt beyond repair—won’t let him. He sighs, pushing Harry even farther away until there's a more comfortable amount of space between them on the bed. “It’s just… not enough, alright?”

“Not enough? Then what the fuck was that a minute ago? Because it sure as hell seemed like ‘ _enough_ ’ then. And besides, I thought you didn’t want a relationship,” Harry replies with a bit of an edge, almost indignantly.

“I _don’t_  want a relationship; fuck, this isn’t even about that. I just know that if something happens here, someone’s going to get hurt. Probably me. And... I don’t trust myself with you,” he admits, shifting his eyes away from Harry for a moment, before looking back at him and making eye contact. “I just don’t want us to get into something that we’ll regret later, yeah?”

Harry considers that for a moment, assessing Louis slowly up and down and clenching his fists against the bedsheets, before reluctantly nodding. Louis nearly crumples with relief. Thankfully, he keeps himself upright, and instead gives Harry a small smile, almost apologetic.

“And whatever this is,” he gestures between them, “has got to stop. Whatever has been happening lately… we just can’t. We’re never gonna be able to be just friends if we keep this up. We’d be good as mates, yeah? I like being around you, Harry. We get on well and I think we could be really good, but I can’t be around you if we’re going to keep doing this. Like, we’re going to end up fucking, and then fucking it all up, and then everything’s just gonna be fucked up, and we’ll have nothing to show for it all. So let’s just… not, yeah?”

Harry nods, waiting a few beats before replying. “Yeah, you’re right. Yeah. We’ll be alright, yeah? We’ve just gotta play it careful, like you said. Keep ourselves in control or whatever.”

Louis scoffs. “If anyone needs to keep himself in control, it’s you,” he mutters, the eye roll and small smirk playing on his lips coming out to play, letting Harry know that he’s only joking.

Harry nearly laughs at that, letting out an amused sound in its place. “I’ll try my best,” he replies with an eye roll in return, but quickly after flashes him a grin, albeit strained, that shows no hard feelings. Louis smiles back.

“Guess we should get back then, yeah?”

Harry nods, and there’s a beat before Louis moves to get up, and then Harry’s leaning forward and pressing his lips against Louis’ one last time, short and sweet.  Louis sighs as soon as he pulls away, closing his eyes when Harry presses his lips to his forehead, both of them staying there for just a moment before Harry finally pulls away completely.

Neither of them make eye contact as they put their clothes back on, and it’s mostly silent as they make their way downstairs and back into the main room. There’s a new movie on now, and Zayn is cuddled up with Liam on the big sofa, pointedly keeping his eyes away from them, though Louis can tell he’s itching to get Louis alone so they can talk about it.

No one says anything as Louis and Harry sit back down on the sofa, both of them keeping a comfortable distance between them now. When Louis suddenly remembers he didn’t bring anything back, he glances around at the other boys to see if they noticed, but none of them bother to point it out.

Fifteen minutes later, Harry makes an excuse to leave, and he and Louis share a heavy look just before he leaves that makes Louis second guess whether or not he really made the right decision.

The rest of the boys spend the rest of the night watching films, until eventually Louis makes the decision to head home, with an uncomfortable, sinking feeling settling into the pit of his stomach that he can’t quite explain as he falls into a restless sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and that's it for this chapter! not sure when the next chapter will be up, but i promise it won't take as long as this one did.
> 
> btw if you haven't seen it yet, i've created tags on my blog for this fic, so if you're interested in seeing some extra stuff (visuals, relevant quotes, playlist), [go here](http://laddybropals.tumblr.com/tntly)! i update it regularly, so if you need a tntly fix while you're waiting for an update, you can always check that out.


	7. VII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as always, [lena](http://donacster.tumblr.com/) is amazing, etc etc.
> 
> chapter warnings: atrocious text speak, louis kissing boys and louis kissing girls oh my!, recreational drug use, unhealthy coping mechanisms, graphic depictions of violence

When Louis wakes up the next morning, it’s with a headache and a heavy feeling settled deep into his bones. He blinks his eyes open and immediately wants to close them again, wants to burrow deep into his duvet and ignore the world for the rest of the day, and perhaps the rest of the week, month, and century as well.

Instead, he heaves a deep sigh as he gets up and heads into the bathroom to get started on his morning routine. As he brushes his teeth, he tries to push down the itching feeling that’s settled underneath his skin, like he’s waiting for something to happen—waiting for the other shoe to drop. It’s a familiar feeling that he’s only felt a few times since he’s come to Holmes Chapel, and it causes a dull ache to form behind his eyes, a physical manifestation of his frustrations. He hates feeling so on edge, feeling like he needs _something_  to scratch an itch he can’t quite reach on his own.

It’s not even just his situation with Harry that’s causing it, either. It’s been just over two months since he’s left home, and he hasn’t talked to his parents once. Sure, he knows that they keep tabs on him through Sarah, and she tells him as much every time she speaks to them, but it’s not the same. The fact that they can’t be bothered to actually call him and speak to _him_  hits him harder than he imagined it would, despite the fact that a part of him knew that something like this would happen.

He takes a shower to try to distract himself, and turns the water on as hot as he can handle. He scrubs his body down three times, in some attempt to wash off some of the sadness and hopelessness he feels, but nothing seems to help. He also wants to wash off the feel of Harry on his skin, but that fails as well. As he turns off the spray and steps out of the tub, he feels no less horrible than he did before he went in, and really, he feels like he’s grasping for the unattainable. He feels like he’s spiraling and he’s not entirely sure how to stop it.

 

He checks his phone as soon as he gets back into his room and sees a new text from Zayn.

_U home? Wanna tlk_

He waits until after he’s dressed to respond, unsure as to what he should say. He already knows Zayn wants to talk about what happened with Harry, and he really doesn’t want to think about that right now. But at the same time, he also really doesn’t want to be alone right now with how shitty he’s feeling about everything. Finally, he responds.

**Yea. Where r u?**

He barely has to wait a minute before his phone vibrates with Zayn’s response. _Liam’s. U wanna come 2 me or shld I come 2 u?_

Louis hesitates for a minute before typing his response. **Who’s ovr there?**

_Just me n Li but he’s still sleepin_

**Ok b there in a bit**

 

Louis takes his time getting to Liam’s, so by the time he gets there, Liam is already awake and he and Zayn let him know that Niall should be there soon as well. Louis is glad for it, because with Liam and Niall around there’ll be less of a chance for Zayn to corner him to talk about what he saw the night before.

Luck doesn’t seem to be in his favor, however, because ten minutes after Louis arrives, Liam informs them that he’s going to go take a shower, leaving Zayn and Louis alone. As soon as Liam disappears upstairs, Louis sighs and turns to Zayn with an expectant expression.

“Get on with it, then,” he prompts.

Zayn just raises a brow at him and levels him with a look.

“What?” Louis snaps, already feeling defensive under Zayn’s gaze.

“You know what,” Zayn finally replies.

Louis rolls his eyes. “Nothing happened, partly in thanks to you. Cheers.”

“ _Nothing_  happened? Really? Because it sure as hell looked like something happened to me,” Zayn presses.

“Yeah, well it didn’t. We didn’t even get off, we just snogged a bit. So you can stop looking at me like that now,” Louis huffs.

“Looking at you like what? I’m not looking at you like anything! I’m just curious.” Zayn shrugs, trying to sound impassive, despite the fact that he probably knows that Louis can see right through it.

“All fucking judgmental and shit,” Louis shoots back, unimpressed.

“Lou, I’m not judging. I’m just worried about you. I know how you get.” Zayn’s tone is more gentle now, and it only serves to make Louis feel even more annoyed.

“Oh, fuck off. I’m not going to get like anything. Nothing happened, and nothing _will_  happen. Harry and I are mates, nothing more, so let’s just move past this already. I’m tired of talking about it, I’m tired of thinking about it, I’m just fucking tired of the whole thing, alright? I’d really rather talk about something else. As in, anything else.”

Zayn assesses him for a second, before shrugging and raising his hands in a show of surrender. “Alright, fine. Just… be careful, alright? That’s all I’m gonna say.”

Louis purses his lips, before nodding, and then the subject is dropped.

 

Niall shows up not long after Liam gets out of the shower, and he lets them all know that Harry should be catching up with them later in the day. Zayn shoots Louis a glance when he hears that, and Louis pointedly ignores it, mostly because he’s a bit surprised to hear the news himself.

As promised, Harry does show up later, much to Louis’ surprise. They all get high, as they usually do, but Louis is withdrawn and doesn’t participate in the conversations as much as he normally does. He’s still feeling the same as he has since he woke up this morning—like he’s standing on a precipice and just waiting to fall over the edge. He doesn’t speak unless directly spoken to, and even then he’s only responsive enough to not seem entirely rude.

He also avoids Harry as much as possible. It’s actually much like Harry was with him when they first met—avoiding eye contact with him as much as possible and not speaking to him or letting him even get close enough to have a private conversation. He can tell by Harry’s tone when he speaks that he’s getting increasingly frustrated by it as the night goes on, but Louis doesn’t really care. Actually, if Louis really didn’t feel like being alone right now, he probably would have left already.

That night when Harry leaves, Louis pointedly ignores the look Harry gives him, and only feels a tiny bit guilty about it. Niall leaves soon after—and Louis gives him a half-hearted goodbye, mostly because he can’t bring himself to actually ignore Niall—but Zayn and Louis stay over at Liam’s, and Louis falls asleep with a hollow feeling in his chest.

 

The next four days are a bit of a blur for Louis. It’s mostly a haze of weed and the lads, with Louis pointedly not talking to Harry when he’s around, and not really talking much any other time, either. The itching feeling under his skin steadily grows until he feels like he’s constantly on edge, ready to snap at anything. He’s so frustrated and restless, and he honestly feels like he’s going to explode if he doesn’t get some of these pent up feelings out.

So he does the only thing he really knows that he thinks will help.

“Let’s go to the pub,” he announces out of the blue when they’re all sitting in Liam’s living room. They all look at him with similar bewildered expressions, mostly because he’d just interrupted Liam while he was in the middle of telling a story, but also because he hasn’t uttered a single word in the past hour.

“Um. Okay,” Liam says slowly, assessing him with furrowed eyebrows. Zayn looks even more hesitant, but he doesn’t say anything. Niall just shrugs and seems to agree easily enough, but Harry is looking at him with an unreadable expression that he refuses to take note of. He doesn’t look at any of them for too long, actually. He feels a bit guilty for suggesting it at all. He’d be going either way—he’s already made up his mind—but he figures that inviting them would be easier than making up some excuse to leave and going by himself. And besides, if he told them he was going, they’d probably want to go anyways.

“Great, let’s go,” Louis says, getting up from his place on the sofa next to Niall and moving towards the door. He pauses when he realizes that no one else has gotten up, and looks back at them with a mostly blank expression. “Are you coming, or what?”

They all look over at him with flabbergasted expressions, but they all slowly start to get up and follow him, albeit hesitantly. He simply turns around and makes his way out of the door.

 

By the time they get to the pub, Louis is nearly shaking, feeling overwhelmed in a way that he hasn’t in a long time. He immediately makes his way over to the bar and orders three shots as soon as the bartender notices him. He downs them all one right after the other, and the rest of the boys look on with varying expressions of surprise and worry. He shrugs at them, disregarding them all as he turns around to assess the other patrons in the bar.

He tenses when he feels a hand come to rest in the middle of his back, palm hot between his shoulder blades, and he purses his lips when he hears Harry’s voice coming from somewhere near his ear. “Are you alright?”

Louis ignores him, shrugging off his hand as he moves away from their group to the other side of the bar, where the bartender is. He orders another shot, which he downs quickly, barely wincing at the burning feeling at the back of his throat. He doesn’t look back at the other boys, who are likely looking over at him with concerned expressions. They’ll forget about it soon enough.

He looks down the bar to check out who all is there, looking for someone to chat up or maybe even to buy him a drink. Anything, really, to distract him from the uneasy feeling that’s threatening to take him over entirely.

It doesn’t take him long to spot a boy staring at him down the bar, and Louis realizes after getting a good look at him that he looks kind of familiar. He’s with a small group of people, but he breaks away from them to move over to where Louis is standing when he notices Louis looking back at him. The boy smiles at him when he approaches, and Louis gives him a small smile in return.

“Hey. Fancy seeing you again,” the boy greets him when he’s close enough, and it takes Louis a few seconds to place where exactly he knows this boy from. It’s one of the boys from the club—he can’t really remember his name with how out of it he’d been that night—but he knows it isn’t the one that had blown him in the bathroom.

“Right, yeah, we met at the club, right?” Louis replies, licking his lips and turning his body towards the boy. Maybe hooking up with someone will make him feel better.

The boy nods and gives him a crooked smile. “That we did. I’m Calum, in case you don’t remember. I think we were both a bit drunk.”

Louis huffs a laugh and smiles at him, nodding. “I was _very_  drunk, yeah. And I’m Louis, in case _you_  don’t remember.”

Calum nods back at him. “So, Louis, where’s your friend?” he asks, pretending to look around for someone.

Louis looks at him in confusion for a second, before Calum continues. “The one from the club. You two seemed pretty cosy.”

Louis realizes what he’s getting at, and he lets a small smirk form on his lips in response. “That didn’t stop you from approaching me, did it? And he’s not my friend. Didn’t even know him, actually.” He shrugs.

Calum nods and seems content with that answer, giving Louis a little smirk of his own. He moves closer and runs a fingertip down Louis’ arm before speaking again. “So, does that mean you’re free tomorrow night? Couple of my mates are having a party. I think we could have some fun, you and me.”

Louis raises an eyebrow and gives him a little shrug. “Might be. How about you buy me a drink and I’ll give it some thought,” he replies with a flirty smirk.

Calum shoots him a grin, gesturing for the bartender a moment later. He orders them both drinks, before moving even closer to Louis as they both begin to sip on them.

“So? What do you say?” Calum says when they’re both nearly finished with their drinks.

Louis considers him for a moment, before downing the rest of his drink. He feels quite tipsy at this point, but there’s still an uncomfortable undercurrent beneath his buzz, and he feels like he’s definitely in need of a distraction. “Alright, fine. I might show up,” he relents, giving a shrug paired with a flirty smile.

“Fantastic. Here, put your number in my phone and I’ll text you the address tomorrow,” Calum replies, smiling smugly as he pulls out his phone, unlocks it, pulls up the screen for a new contact, then hands it to Louis.

Louis puts in his contact information, having to re-enter it two different times to get it right, but eventually he gets it and hands the phone back to Calum. Calum gives him a crooked smile, before tapping on his phone a bit, and it’s not until Louis feels a buzzing coming from his own phone that he realizes what Calum did.

He reaches into his back pocket to retrieve his phone, and he sees that he has a text from an unknown number that contains only a winky face. He looks up at Calum with a raised eyebrow and an amused smile.

Calum just smiles at him and shrugs, before locking his phone and sliding it into his pocket. “Now you have mine, too.”

“So I’ll be seeing you tomorrow, but what about tonight, then?” Louis asks, feeling more and more restless the longer they stand there.

Calum gives him a little smirk, before he hums and pretends to consider it for a moment. He glances over at his friends briefly, before shifting his gaze back to Louis. “I actually have to go, but how about I give you a taste, yeah?” he replies, glancing down at Louis’ lips briefly before licking his own lips.

Louis rolls his eyes playfully, trying to hide his disappointment. “If you must.”

Calum doesn’t waste any time closing the distance between them and pressing his lips to Louis’, immediately opening up and swiping his tongue along Louis’ bottom lip. Louis opens up for him, not seeing any reason not to, and they kiss heatedly for a few moments before Calum finally pulls away.

“See you tomorrow?” he asks as he takes a step back.

Louis just nods, feeling more than a little tipsy now, and just a little less like exploding. He watches as Calum rejoins his friends, and they exchange a few words before half of them leave the pub, and then Louis realizes he’s alone.

He looks around for the rest of the boys, and finds them talking to a few people he doesn’t know a little ways away from the bar. He catches Harry looking at him with a less than pleased expression, but he ignores it. He doesn’t want to deal with that right now.

Instead he goes to order another drink, suddenly feeling far too sober, and by the time he’s finished it, that uneasy, restless feeling is back. He kind of feels like crying—just fucking bursting into tears right in the middle of the bar—but pushes the feeling down as best he can as he looks around the bar, his fingers tapping a restless beat against the empty glass in front of him.

Less than a minute later, a very pretty girl with tanned skin and blue hair sidles up to him and bumps her shoulder with his. “Hey there. You look like you could use another drink,” she greets with a smile. She seems to be a bit drunk herself, if her slightly slurred words are anything to go by, and Louis notices that she was one of the girls that had been standing with Calum’s group earlier.

“Could, yeah. Are you offering?” Louis replies, quirking an eyebrow at her, his speech not much better than hers.

She grins widely at him in response. “I am! I’m Jade, by the way.” She extends a hand out towards him in greeting, and he doesn’t hesitate before taking it.

“I’m Louis,” he replies, and she just grins at him again before ordering two shots.

“You’re very cute,” she says as the bartender pours their shots.

Louis is startled into laughter by her bold statement, but he doesn’t get to respond before the bartender is setting their shots on the bartop in front of them. Jade immediately goes to lift her glass into the air, spilling a bit over the side and onto the bar, though she doesn’t seem to notice. She just turns to him and says, very loudly, “To you, Cute Louis! And to me! And to hoping our mouths will be touching very soon!” She’s only barely gotten the words out before she’s downing the shot, and Louis stares after her with his eyebrows raised as high as they’ll go before he’s shaking his head and throwing back his shot as well.

As soon as he’s finished swallowing the liquid, he’s laughing, and suddenly she’s laughing as well and linking their arms together. “You’re something else, little Jade,” he says once his laughter has died down a bit.

“Of course I am, Cute Louis,” she replies with a sparkle in her eye, before leaning towards him. “Would you like to come meet my friends?”

Louis laughs a bit in response, before shrugging. “Sure, why not?”

Jade immediately grabs his hand and leads him towards a small group of people not too far from where his friends are still in conversation with people he doesn’t know. He catches Niall’s eye and flashes him a grin and a shrug as he’s dragged towards Jade’s group.

As soon as they reach her friends, Jade is making introductions. “Louis, this is Perrie, Leigh, Jesy, and George. Babes, this is Cute Louis!”

They all greet him enthusiastically and he gives them a smile and a generic greeting in return.

“He is cute, isn’t he?” the girl that was introduced as Jesy says.

The rest of the girls, as well as George, all nod and murmur their agreements, and Louis preens a bit under the attention.

“You were with Calum earlier, weren’t you?” George asks then, a curious lilt to his tone.

Louis nods and shrugs, replies, “Yeah, we’ve met once before. He’s nice enough.”

George nods in response, as Jade says, “You two looked very nice together.”

Louis raises an eyebrow at her, looking at her curiously. “You saw us?”

Jade nods her head and smiles prettily at him. “S’why I came and talked to you. He really shouldn’t have left you a pretty boy like you all alone.”

Louis grins at the compliment. “You do know I’m gay, right?”

Jade just shrugs and moves closer, smiling brightly at him. “That’s okay, so am I. Mostly. I usually prefer girls, but I just can’t seem to resist pretty boys like you.”

“Well, flattery will get you everywhere,” Louis replies with a pleased smile, amused.

“Will it get me a kiss?” she replies cheekily, before playfully puckering her lips at him.

Louis just looks at her for a moment, swaying a bit on his feet, feeling just drunk enough that he might kiss just about anyone if they seemed nice enough, so he just shrugs in response. Jade smiles brightly at him before closing the remaining distance between them and connecting their lips.

Her lips are softer than he’s used to and he has to lean down to kiss her back, but she’s very enthusiastic about it—wrapping her arms around his neck and tilting her head to deepen the kiss and making cute little noises into his mouth when their tongues slide together a certain way, and Louis is a bit surprised to find that kissing Jade is actually quite nice.

But the longer he kisses Jade, the more Louis realizes that while it does feel nice, he still doesn’t really _feel_  anything. They’re full on snogging at this point, and while Louis doesn’t really expect to feel much of anything—due to the fact that despite Jade being a very pretty girl, she’s still a girl, and Louis is, in fact, very gay—but it only makes him realize that he didn’t feel much of anything when he’d kissed Calum either. He mostly just feels kind of numb, and that realization only makes him kiss Jade harder, with a tinge of desperation now, causing her to respond in kind, albeit sloppily due to how drunk they both are.

Louis isn’t sure how long they kiss for, but before he even realizes what’s happening, someone is pulling at Jade’s arm, causing her to stumble backwards and away from Louis. They both look over at the blonde girl from the group—Perrie, Louis thinks—who looks a mixture of amused and apologetic. “Sorry to break up this beautiful display, but we’ve really got to get going, love,” she says, directing the last part to Jade

Jade pouts in response, before giving a cute little shrug. “Well, guess it’s about that time, then! Bye, Cute Louis,” she says, leaning towards Louis and giving him one last peck, before allowing herself to be dragged away. They all wave their goodbyes to Louis, and all he can do is wave back and watch them all exit the pub, leaving a dazed and very, very drunk Louis standing there alone.

He wipes a hand down his face and looks around, feeling much more drunk than he had before. Before he's able to spot the boys, he sees Zayn coming towards him with a glass of what looks to be either water or vodka. Louis is so thirsty he’d take either.

“You’re pissed, mate,” Zayn says, handing him the glass, which Louis takes gratefully and begins taking large gulps from immediately.

“Thanks,” he says when he pulls away, wiping clumsily at his mouth.

“Nice show, by the way. You do realize you’re gay, right? Like, not judging if you've somehow changed your mind or something, but I remember your sexuality crisis very vividly.”

Louis rolls his eyes, and immediately regrets it when he feels a bit dizzy. He’s not even sure how that happened. “Fuck off, tosser. That was Jade. She was nice. And I’m still gay. I think she is too, actually.”

“Well, isn’t that lovely,” Zayn deadpans. “Let’s go find the others.”

Louis groans, but lets himself be lead back to where the others are. The strangers they were talking to before are no longer there, and they all turn to look at Louis when they get close.

“Louis!” Niall greets, pulling him into a hug, and Louis can tell from the telltale flush across his cheeks that he’s a bit drunk as well. “Having quite the night, aren’t you?” he says cheerily, a grin spread across his face as he pulls away.

“Yeah, that was… quite an interesting display, Lou,” Liam adds, amused despite the worried furrow of his brow.

Louis shrugs. “They all said I was pretty,” he divulges to them, like it’s some kind of secret.

“Well, of course you are! You’re as pretty as lads come, Tommo!” Niall replies, which makes them all laugh. Even Harry cracks a smile, though it fades as soon as he makes eye contact with Louis.

Louis laughs louder than all of them, though he doesn’t find any of it funny in the slightest. He feels a bit sick, actually, with the knowledge that nothing is enough to make people want to stay. He’s pretty—and that's probably the only good thing he's got going for him—but apparently he's not pretty enough to make people want to stick around. Not even his parents think he's good enough, and that fact is what causes him to continue to laugh—almost manically—even after the rest of their laughter dies down.

They all exchange worried glances then, before Liam is asking, “Lou… is everything alright?” Louis feels someone touching his shoulder then, and he immediately shrugs it off, causing him to stop laughing as he stumbles a bit.

“M’fine! Why wouldn’t I be?” he asks, though he doesn’t feel fine at all, and he knows they can probably tell. He doesn’t care, though. There’s nothing they can do.

He doesn’t wait for a reply before he’s clumsily making his way towards the nearest door, needing to get away, needing to be anywhere but here. As soon as he’s flung it open, he realizes that it’s not actually an exit, but a restroom.

He’s barely made it to the sinks when he hears the door opening and closing behind him. He leans against the porcelain as he looks up into the mirror, seeing Harry in the reflection, standing somewhere behind him. He groans and hangs his head, resting his weight against the sink in front of him. “What do you want?” he slurs, and he can hear Harry moving closer to him.

“The lads are worried about you.”

Louis lets out a humorless laugh, before shrugging. “Nothing to be worried about.”

“That’s a lie, and we both know it,” Harry responds, sidling up next to him with his arms crossed in front of his chest.

“Why the fuck do you care?” Louis spits back at him, stepping away to create some distance between them. Harry just stares at him with an unreadable expression.

“You’ve been avoiding me,” he finally replies, and it’s not a question.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” Louis groans in response, because he really doesn’t wanna fucking deal with this right now. Or ever.

“Why?” is all Harry replies with, his eyes fixed intently on Louis.

“Do we really need to turn this into a fucking soap opera? Must we always be so fucking _dramatic_  all the time? Maybe I just needed some space. Maybe you should give it to me. Jesus Christ,” Louis rants, keeping his eyes away from Harry’s face as he speaks.

“You ‘need some space?’ Really? That’s your explanation? That’s fucking bullshit, Louis. We’re supposed to be friends. Why are you making this more complicated than it needs to be?”

Louis laughs out loud at that. “More complicated than it needs to be? Oh, fuck me, that’s hilarious! You’re the one trying to complicate things here. ‘Friends’ don’t try to fuck each other at every turn, do they?” Louis is practically seething at this point, his words laced with venom, despite how they slur slightly from his drunken state.

“Some do. And don’t act like you don’t want me just as much as I want you, Louis. Don’t you fucking dare,” Harry counters, his gaze intense as he stares at Louis.

“Oh, fuck right off, you absolute _bastard_. It doesn’t _matter_  if we want each other. I don’t give a single bloody _fuck_  if some people can fuck and still be friends, because I’m not one of them! Okay? So can we please fucking drop the subject now?” Louis feels drained and sick and kind of like he wants to be anywhere but here.

Harry just looks at him for a moment, before giving a tight nod. “Fine. Consider it dropped. But the lads are still worried about you.”

Louis rolls his eyes and shakes his head. “Oh, fucking _stop_ , Harry. Just fucking give it up already.”

Harry furrows his brows and gives him a confused look. “What the fuck are you talking about?”

“ _Stop_  acting like you give a fuck about me!” Louis snaps, and Harry’s eyes widen as he gapes at him, looking completely taken aback. Louis continues before he can get a word in. “You all just need to fucking stop acting like you wouldn’t be completely fine if I dropped off the face of the earth. I could die right now, and no one would fucking care. You’d all be sad for, what? Like a week? A month? You’d all be fucking fine, and I’d just be nothing. No one. I’m fucking _no one_.”

Louis is breathing heavily when he’s finished with his outburst, and Harry is staring at him with a shocked expression. He grabs Louis’ biceps, holding him in place as he catches Louis’ eyes and glances between them intensely, searching. “You really think that?”

“No, I don't think that. I _know_  that,” he replies, before tearing himself away from Harry’s hold and heading for the door, not looking back.

He doesn’t look back and doesn’t stop until he’s outside, eyes darting around quickly and taking in his surroundings. He notices a couple of guys who seem to have just left the pub as well, and he'd resolved to leave this for a last resort, but he just doesn't give a fuck at this point—needs _something_ , anything—so he ambles over to them, bumping into one of them so hard that he almost knocks both of them over.

“Oops, sorry, mate,” Louis says, not sounding sorry at all.

“Watch where you’re fucking going, arsehole,” the man replies, sounding thoroughly annoyed but seemingly willing to brush it off.

“Maybe you shouldn’t have been in my way, _arsehole_ ,” Louis counters, narrowing his eyes and pushing the guy, egging him on.

The guy pushes him back—just like Louis knew he would—and Louis just laughs at him, which, predictably, only seems to piss the guy off even more. Louis can pinpoint the exact moment he goes in for the punch—he’s been through this enough times to be able to tell when it’s coming—and he makes sure to keep himself in line for the punch, feeling the impact as soon as the man’s fist connects with the side of his face, causing him to stumble back.

He barely feels the pain because of the adrenaline coursing through him, and he feels fucking electric, craving more—just a little bit more. “Is that all you’ve got?” he yells, just before another punch is landed to his stomach, knocking the breath out of his body. He falls to his knees, coughing a bit as he struggles to get air into his lungs. He can tell the man is just about to deliver another blow, so he closes his eyes and waits for it, but instead of feeling the impact of another hit, he hears some shouting before he feels someone pulling him up off of the ground.

He opens his eyes wide, breathing heavy as he takes in the scene in front of him: Liam and Niall are holding onto the man who he was just fighting with, saying something to him that Louis can’t quite make out before pushing him in the opposite direction. Zayn and Harry are both holding Louis up, checking to make sure he’s okay, but Louis can’t focus on them—can’t focus on anything other than the man who is now stumbling away with his fists clenched at his sides. He tries to push down his disappointment—he’d wanted just a little bit more, just a little more pain, a little more distraction—and instead focuses on the pain that’s now radiating through his face and stomach.

His face stretches into a wide grin and he lets out a loud laugh, and the movement makes his face hurt like hell, which only makes him grin wider. All of the boys are looking at him with varying expressions—from confused to worried to horrified to scared—but he doesn’t focus on them, just closes his eyes and _feels_.

“What the fuck was that for? What happened?” Niall asks, his tone confused and slightly alarmed.

Louis opens his eyes just as Zayn mutters, “Christ, Lou, I thought you were done with this shit.” His vision is blurry, but he just manages to catch the troubled look on Harry’s face before he turns away from him, taking in Liam and Niall’s alarmed expressions as well.

Louis doesn’t respond, and none of them say anything as Liam calls a taxi and they wait for it to get there. They all shuffle in as soon as it pulls up, and Louis is so dazed from the alcohol and the fight that he doesn’t even protest when Harry pulls him into his lap and holds him close on the drive to Liam’s. He’s half-asleep by the time they make it there, and he leans most of his weight on Harry and Zayn as they help him into the house.

He’s mostly asleep by the time they lay him down on what Louis assumes is one of the guest beds. He feels a gentle fingertip trace the edges of what is most likely going to be a nasty bruise, and the last thing Louis hears before he drifts off completely is a murmured, “You’re not no one, Lou.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and that's it for this one! originally, i was going to add much more to this chapter, but i felt like this was a good stopping point for now, and i also didn't want to keep you guys waiting any longer. next update should be up within 3-4 days, so look out for that!! lots of wild stuff coming up, so get ready.
> 
> btw if you haven't seen it yet, i've created tags on my blog for this fic, so if you're interested in seeing some extra stuff (visuals, relevant quotes, playlist), [go here](http://laddybropals.tumblr.com/tntly)! i update it regularly, so if you need a tntly fix while you're waiting for an update, you can always check that out.

**Author's Note:**

> if you have any questions, or just wanna chat, find me on tumblr at [laddybropals](http://laddybropals.tumblr.com/), or hit me up on twitter @laddybropals
> 
> kudos/comments are always appreciated. :)


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